Friday, March 4, 2011
♥ journey
i emailed the faculty asking for my med application results, and it made me just think back to so many things.
i remember when i first got my umat score in year 12, and something in my heart just dropped - because i knew it wasn't enough to get an interview...
in first year, i was kinda happy with my umat score, but i didn't realize that it still wasn't enough for an interview.. and my heart kinda dropped.
last year, my third year of trying... i remember getting my score and being hopeful for an interview - but i remember I made sure I didn't expect anything - i didn't want to be dissappointed again... And I remember having this arguement with Josh, whom I kept getting annoyed at whenever he mentioned offers.
there were times where i was so worried... didn't think i'd hit the bar... times where i needed motivation...
i remember posting things like....
my gpa is pretty borderline, and will most likely fall into the bottom third. my umat score will definately fall into the bottom third... and what's left is just the interview!
it's weighted 1:2:2 being umat, gpa and interview respectively.
well can't change anything now about the umat score... and first i need to actually get an interview offer before i can try to do well in the interview
but in the mean time i really need to work hard to up that GPA of mine... and hopefully push it into the middle third at least!
- motivation, 03.10.2011
oh and the interview... the horrible interview...
It was hard. Really it was. I've had interviews before but these questions just seemed so different. So abstract almost. I felt i couldn't communicate what kind of person i am and the things i'm passionate about. I could tell my technique and confidence dropped a bit midway. But the worst was when it was over and i realized that i could not do anything to make myself perform better. Feeling rather disappointed in myself actually...
- =(, 29.10.2011
there were times where i doubted that med was where i was meant to be...
and i was feeling that exact same feeling a few days ago - the course was just so overwhelming. filled with so much content. i felt so behind... and so stupid... so unprepared and so caught off guard - my expecations thrown out the window...
and you know what? God is good.
he placed some amazing people in my life who are so supportive and so encouraging.
and ... after getting my results back ... i am just amazed at how God works.
i am reminded that through all those trials, obstacles and difficulties... God really carried me through it all - to beyond my expectations... and he can do it again.
7:11 PM
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
♥ unsettled
when things catch you off guard, and you have a bit of a shock... it's hard to just rest.
a billion things go through your mind and you fall back into old habits.
trying to plan your life again. saying what if this happened... then i'm going to do this... and if this happened then i guess i can do this.
you try to do things your way. and what you've learnt over the past few years about resting and about trusting in God... it slowly slips out of your mind...
i didn't get first round offers. second rounds for 2011 undergraduate entry is out on the 2nd of feb.
for 2012 postgraduate entry you need to do gamsat in 2011. the closing date for gamsat registration is also 2nd of feb. gamsat is on the 26th of march. gamsat include first year chemistry & biology and yr 12 physics - which means you'll need to devote much time to study for it... especially if you haven't done any of those subjects for a couple of years....
for 2012 postgraduate entry you need to do gamsat in 2011. the closing date for gamsat registration is also 2nd of feb. gamsat is on the 26th of march. gamsat include first year chemistry & biology and yr 12 physics - which means you'll need to devote much time to study for it... especially if you haven't done any of those subjects for a couple of years....
due to the change over to the new courses... in 2013 there will be no graduate entry medicine.
the start of the new courses - postgraduate: doctor of medicine... begins 2014.
sigh. old habits die hard.
i am thinking too far ahead. i am doubting without even realizing i am.. without even wanting to.
that rest belongs to me. why did i let it go? it's mine, and i'm taking it back thanks.
11:11 PM
Thursday, October 28, 2010
♥ my life anthem
This is my resting place.
This is my strength.
This is my reassurance.
1 Peter 5:6-7 (The Message)
So be content with who you are,
and don't put on airs.
God's strong hand is on you;
He'll promote you at the right time.
Live carefree before God;
He is most careful with you.
This is my strength.
Philippians 4:13 (New King James Version)
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
This is my reassurance.
Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version)
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
11:24 AM
Sunday, August 1, 2010
♥ God of Justice
10:45 PM
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
♥ 2009 reflections
maybe i haven't been myself lately. but what defines 'me'?
i have always been that girl immersed in a large amount of extra curricular activities.
the girl who gets along with (most) her teachers and (most) of her friend's parents.
a control freak even. definately bossy. and a perfectionist or at least, strives to be.
independent... has been something i've always thought i was.
and failure is definately not something i find easy to deal with.
if i died tomorrow, and my funeral was next week... what would you say about me, at my funeral?
so what has my life amounted too in the past year? what did i accomplish in 2009?
well to be honest, i didn't do that much last year.. compared to previous years. but lets just focus on last year.
in 2009, i was a UWA first year bachelor of science student. a UMAT candidate. a facebooker. a zonta conference guest speaker. a YOTY on national tour. a superviser at reddot. a new casual at vodafone. a welcomer at church. a part of a lifegroup. a daughter. a sister. a girlfriend and a friend.
i look at that list of things and i feel like i have failed a greater part of them. as a student, i didn't score as well as i could have. as a umat candidate, i could have always done more. as a facebooker, i didn't spend my time well. as a conference guest speaker, i rushed writing my speech the night before. as a yoty, i've lost that closeness because i haven't kept in contact with them through the year. as a supervisor, i have been bossy and demanding. as a new casual, i have been careless and slow. as a welcomer, i have been lazy and unwilling. as part of a lifegroup, i could have contributed more. as a daughter, i have been rude, disrespectful and unhelpful. as a sister, i have been selfish, annoying and unfriendly. as a girlfriend, i have been insensitive, attachy and stubborn. as a friend, i have been neglectful, unhelpful and not there, when i should have been.
it's kinda sad because, i tell people that i stopped doing a lot of things last year because i wanted to focus on the umat, i wanted to focus on persuing my dreams. but even with that, i am not where i thought i would be. not where i want to be.
so yes, to me, 2009 was not my year. in fact, it was very much a year of failure for me. i believe i've failed to not only be where i want to be, but also to be who i want to be.
i want to be a good student. a person who makes a difference in their community. a hard worker. a helpful daughter. a friendly sister. a loving girlfriend. a trustworthy friend.
and most of all, i want to be one who trusts in God when the future looks dim. who relies on God through every obstacle. who shines God's love in every environment. who stands strong in Christ, when troubles come. who rests in Christ, when things get busy. who is full of the joy of the Lord (haha, JBBM!) when things don't go my way.
and that is the person i want to be.
Labels: Goals and Expectations, God, life, me, reflections
8:03 PM
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
♥ three words
there is such a precious three words, that i taught myself not to say so much. until i found this boy.
this morning i woke up, and felt like blogging about how i feel. about how we might be falling apart. about how what happened to her this time last year... could happen to me this time this year. is it him? or is it me? could i be better?
my heart is hurt, and by habit i want to push that pain away. but it is because of those three words that carry much meaning, that causes me to put up with it. that book i'm reading (but stopped temporarily), tells me to change... to be better... to chase... to love... to win. but i am not in a marriage. and i don't know if i can do that. even if those three words are true.
i went to my blog home page earlier and on my blog updates was this verse that someone had put on their blog...
“Don’t worry about anything, instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” – Phillipines 4:6-7 (NLT)
i need that peace right now.
9:51 AM
Thursday, November 5, 2009
♥ God loves his daughters
THREE down, two to go...
hbio was okay.. could have been better. i don't think i did as well as i needed to do... but it was alright.
chemistry is tomorrow. and to be honest that is the most feared one *burn burn burn*
anyways. dropped by the chinese shop today and picked up some study snacks :)
i think it was ry or her mum who showed me you could get seaweed crackers from the chinese shop.. LOVE. i first tried them when miyako's mum sent us some from japan!!!
hawflakes. always been a fav since childhood.
anyways. nathan from sma gave me two books today. i exchanged it for my Dreaming With God book (which i still haven't finished reading, but plan on borrowing from someone from church *cough* so i can these holidays...) so he could read it.
these are the two books he gave me.
and well, you see.. during sma we (or should i say i) got into a heated debate on the topic of women. women's role in the church. women's role in a marriage...
and not to say i'm a feminist (even though some people think so) but i really disagreed with much of what he had to say. after discussing such issues with my pastor and some of the female leaders in my church who gave me a better understanding of the context and their intepretations of the passages... i so totally agree with them, and not nathan, and i still stand by my view of women's roles in both the church and in a marriage...
but you know. i must be more... open. you see when i first heard all these things that nathan was saying, it got me really angry. like how can people STILL think like that in today's society?! women have rights too! God loves females as much as He loves males!
But yes. Even though i think i'm right, it needs to be assessed on a more objective level. And i must not be so one sided or else everything i look at will support my hypothesis - confirmation bias.
anyways. first impressions of this book. i'm a bit iffy about them. just by the TITLES and the COVER. but yes. must not judge a book by it's cover. and will get into them once exams are over. and attempt to look at it objectively.
anyways. here are the major points that nathan and bev brought up from their intepretation of the passages... which i disagree with and will examine in context with the help of my pastor, leaders and of course, God.
* note: the following statements might get you angry. because they got me angry. but yes... i will be coming back at a later date (after some epic research and lotsa prayer) to shed some light on what i think is actually the right intepretation.. because i really don't think they've got it right =/ *
- women should not have authority over men in the church. includes pastoring, leadership etc.
- women are more succeptible to sin
- women are the spiritually weaker partner in a relationship
- some people are pre-destined to hell
- you can't change God's will
- the theory of Kelvinism
- that verse that talks about "submission"
okay, that's it for now.
it's time for home and away... :)
6:59 PM
Friday, October 30, 2009
♥ vodafone interview
12:30pm ~ walk into the science library 2nd floor toilets to put on foundation, mascara and eyeliner
1:10pm ~ catch the bus from uni into the city
1:36pm ~ reached mum's office. went on a hunt for the first aid box. in major need of bandaids for the horrific blisters i got from my shoes *shakes fist* i don't remember them ever being THIS bad.
1:50pm ~ take the bus from mum's office back to the city. then walk to interview place.
2:06pm ~ arrive at interview place... 24 minutes early. soo.. ate my lunch - a sandwich.
2:13pm ~ enter interview room, register, recieve I♥VF bag and 3 pen... xD also engage in a good conversation with the other lady in the room who was applying for the job, her name was melissa, and she had a canadian accent!
I thought the interview structure was pretty good. I'm not a fan of "group" interviews you see, so I was really glad when they took people out for "one-on-one" talks. It really gave me the opportunity to tell her about my past work experience and how i would be good for the job xD.
It started off with introductions. introducing the person next to you after getting to know them... Then this activity in groups of 4 where you had to arrange cards, that had customer service statements on it, in priority. The next task was like a role play between 2 people. one was the sales associate, the other was a customer. then you switched. it was very casual. Then was filling out feedback forms and the one-on-one interviews.
3:37pm ~ finished filling out feedback forms and group interview is concluded. talked to melissa on the way out and found out she was actually a vodaphone manager in Qld! But she was going for a position at SOR. phew!
4:00pm ~ reached mum's office and started going through some psyc stuff. had a debate with jordan about the scaling/difficultly of discrete maths.
4:49pm ~ recieve a call from the lady at vodaphone :) and she offered me the job. saying she has to still contact my references on monday and will call me again to confirm everything next week.
5:48pm ~ dropped by kmart on the way home because mum wanted to check something out. at this point my feet were absolutely KILLING.
anyways. in the car ride home i was thinking about how much God takes care of me... like when the lady from angus and robinson didn't call back i was a bit =[ abt it. but now looK! so much of a better job - location wise, long term prospects, $$$$$$ wise and it's actually something i know about and like!
I think as humans we will never know the endless possibilities for our future... but i know i trust in a God who's always looking out for me... and sometimes life doesn't go my way. but there's always a plan. God's plan :)
6:48 PM
Sunday, October 11, 2009
♥ my sunday
disclaimer / warning: super longggg blog entry.
i kinda hoped after two days i would stop crying about it, but when i bumped into pastor at church and he asked me if i was going back to tbc ministry and also where i've been lately, and i told him how i was in ballarat and came back sick... and then i told him i didn't get into med and yes.
grace joined in after. and gave me a hug. which was good, because pastors aren't for hugging. because that's just... awkward.
Pastor told me that if i honor the things of God, that He will honor me. that's been stuck in my mind all day.
he also told me that in the future i will look back and see how things worked out and stuff
i don't know. i guess i'm a bit confused.
grace said it was okay to be angry with God. but i'm not angry (well, yet) i'm more disappointed and confused.
you see, my boyfriend, his mother, my exbf, all sorta asked if i was going to change my goals/course. josh said something like seeking what God wants in my life, if it's something other than med. but I've always believed that IS what He wants. and what I want too! And why i'm going the long way about it, I do not know why. But there's a reason i guess, i just don't know what it is.
people like my parents, my sister, jfu... were different. they already know how much i want it. and talked abt next year, or postgrad etc. they didn't question whether i was giving up because they didn't believe i would.
don't get me wrong, i still need to seek God about my future. like pastor told me, i need to rest in Him. i need to listen.
i'm continously reminded of this section in Dreaming With God (yes mic, i did read some of it!) where ... hmm, its prob best if i directly quote.
The Blank Check
As kids, many of us dreamed about being granted one wish. Solomon got the "one wish." When God appeared to Solomon and gave him that opportunity, it forever raised the bar of our expectations in prayer. The disciples were given the same "wish," only better. Instead of one blank check, they were given an unlimited supply of blank checks. And this gift was specifically granted in the context of their friendship with God.
Surrounding their promotion to friendship, Jesus gave His disciples this amazing list of promises. Each promise was a blank check they were to live by and use throughout their lives for the expansion of the Kingdom. They are as follows:
If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you (John 15 vs 7)
You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you (John 15 vs 16)
If you ask anything in My name, I will do it (John 14 vs 14)
And in that day you will ask Me nothing. Most assuredly, I say to you, whatever you ask the Father in My name He will give you. Until now you have asked nothing in My name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full (John 16 vs 23-24)
For us to properly receive what Jesus has offered us in these verses, any robotic understanding of what it means to be a follower of God has to change. God never intended that the believer be a puppet on a string. God actually makes Himself vulnerable to the desires of His people. In fact, it can be said, "if it matters to you, it matters to Him"
While much of the Church is waiting for the next word from God, He is waiting to hear the dream of His people. He longs for us to take our role, not because He needs us, but beause He loves us.
i've always been the kinda girl who has her whole life planned out. Married at 25. First kid at 28. And hopefully another two after that, in 3 year intervals (haha, i know, i'm a freak). At the way things are looking, i won't even be graduated when i'm 25. i remember telling my lifegroup once, how it was so difficult for me, when i first found out that i didn't get into med the first time. how things weren't going the way i had planned. how much of a struggle it was to adjust and get use to the fact that things don't always go how u hoped / planned.
thats why when pastor was talking about how you can seek God for the answers for everything, except when ur asked how many kids they want, you can straight out tell you. it made me laugh, and reminds me so much of myself.
Oh yeah, i held lil zeke today! 2nd time EVER because everyone always steals him =[ and he didn't cry! ZMGSH first time he hasn't when i've held him =P. too bad i had to go cauz nat was taking me back =[ but arghhhhhh!!!!!!!! ♡♡♡ BABIESSS
On other news, i went to my bf's hse for lunch. and sigh, idk, i'm feeling more and more uncomfortable around his family. like sometimes his mum doesn't think i understand what she's saying when she speaks chinese =[ but i do get bits of it, or at least the gist of it.
so like she kept asking me try to chilli and i kept saying that i was fine. she knows i can't take chilli. and she was like 'it's not hot blahblah'... and then i think josh told her to stop asking or something (in chinese) and she was like saying back to him (in chinese) something like ~ what? so she's not going to eat it for the rest of her life?.................
and then she found out i couldn't swim and told me to go join adult vacswim classes (like actually told me in english!) .........................
she even told josh (in chinese) i eat like a kid because my plate was so 'far away' from me.................
she makes me feel really stupid.
maybe she's trying to joke half the time, but okay, i get it, i suck, and ur son is awesome, because i can't speak chinese, eat chilli / hot stuff, play an instrument / piano, can't swim, and i can't get into med... and he can do all those things and more.... -.-"
sigh, i am tryingggggggggggg to give her a break. josh always tells me to not let me preconcieved ideas affect how i see her. but you know, its pretty difficult... i don't really agree with a lot of her ideas on education and stuff. but yeah i don't say anything, of course. but i fear conflict when we get married and have kids.
it's okay. mother in laws are meant to be difficult right? but she's not even my mother in law yet!
ahh, the difficulties of dating the first born son of an asian family. i think i shall just avoid his parents for a while. because tbh, it just makes me feel inadequate and fustrated =[
Went for familyy dinner tonight. Peking duck (yum!) + Fried squid tenticles + Seafood Ho Fun with Egg Sauce.
I think my sister is feeling slightly guilty because this morning she found out i broke the glass cup in the bathroom and told me how she wouldn't trust me with her things let alone someone's life as a doctor. And i was like "well it doesn't matter because i didn't get in anyways" and she was something like "yeah but you break everything" and i was like "well i've still got a while to learn to be more careful" then 5 minutes later she was like "oh did you mean you didn't get in for next year?!" and i was like "yeahhh". ahaha, so in the car she was talking to me about it and at dinner she said she wants to take me to some new tea place she found to 'cheer me up'.
I forgot to take my breakfast this morning. Yes, my mum makes me breakfast (even on sundays) and leaves them in the oven. Must be more aware and remember to take it, because she puts in the effort every morning =[. sometimes i don't even eat the lunch she makes =[, and she wakes up early to make it. sigh. i'm so bad.
i love my family.
i love my friends.
i love my boyfriend.
i love God!
Labels: boyfriend, breakfast, family, future, God, life, marriage, medicine, parents, sister, sunday sermon
11:03 PM
Saturday, October 10, 2009
♥ over the edge
instructor called, he said he has to charge me for one hours worth for yesterday.
that just tipped me off the edge.
called my boyfriend and just started crying on the phone to him.
just feels like nothing is going right.
my boyfriend said i'm stronger than this.
but i don't think i am. not without God.
i really need to just fall onto God and trust that He has a purpose for my life.
exbf just called. after a fifteen minute phone call i'm feeling better. i wonder if he picked up that i was crying about half way through. coming to terms with the possibility that medicine isn't for me... is just. difficult. because i have always believed it's what i want and it's what was for me.
anyways talking now to my christian friend. he's slightly older. haha. more experience with life. but doesn't know how to deal with emotional teenagers =P.
okay i feel better now. so i shall stop this emo blog now
Labels: boyfriend, church, driving, emo, exbf/exgf, friends, God, medicine, money, uni
10:45 AM
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
♥ Life Without Limbs
josh held his own lil bible study group today at uni. just with a few friends. starting off with God's grace.
i admire his heart for his friends and wish i had the same courage in a way. especially when it comes down to my own family...
you know that saying, quality over quanitity... okay, so it doesnt make sense since he has OVER A THOUSAND FACEBOOK FRIENDS. but of the actual friends he talks to on a constant basis... he has a really close bond to them.
it's weird in a way. because i would look at his relationships with his friends, and then i'd look at the relationships i have with my friends... and they are totally different. like different types of friendships. each with their own advantages i guess.
anyways, here's a vid about a guy born with no limbs.
i really like the part where he says that we always blame God for the things we don't have... and not thank God for the things we do. it makes you think...
happy watching :)
Labels: bible, boyfriend, fb, friends, God, grace, relationships, uni, youtube
10:58 PM
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
♥ umat results
eighty six percentile.
compared to my fifty seven from last year, it's a much better score, ahaha.
but is it good enough? i dont know.
people say 90% guarantees you a med interview. and 80+ is still possible too.
they say there's 15 places for non standard entry.
but some for the rural people... some are for the bonded places.
i have decisions i need to make. i thought i already decided. wasn't going to consider dentistry or bonded.
but josh is making me rethinkk.
but i don't know.. i know what i want. but can i get it?
hbio test next.
six hours later...
i'm feeling more happy about my score now.
thanks God :)
i'm still undecided about bonded. i changed it on tisc anyways. and think i'll go visit the admissions center one day to talk to someone about it.
and spend some time praying about it too.
i also haven't had an interview since like.. zonta mid last year. so i really need to brush up on some interview technique if i do get one.
and i really need to study too..... exams soon. and need to keep that gpa rising. gahs. this semester is much harder than last =[
compared to my fifty seven from last year, it's a much better score, ahaha.
but is it good enough? i dont know.
people say 90% guarantees you a med interview. and 80+ is still possible too.
they say there's 15 places for non standard entry.
but some for the rural people... some are for the bonded places.
i have decisions i need to make. i thought i already decided. wasn't going to consider dentistry or bonded.
but josh is making me rethinkk.
but i don't know.. i know what i want. but can i get it?
hbio test next.
---------------------------------------------------
six hours later...
i'm feeling more happy about my score now.
thanks God :)
i'm still undecided about bonded. i changed it on tisc anyways. and think i'll go visit the admissions center one day to talk to someone about it.
and spend some time praying about it too.
i also haven't had an interview since like.. zonta mid last year. so i really need to brush up on some interview technique if i do get one.
and i really need to study too..... exams soon. and need to keep that gpa rising. gahs. this semester is much harder than last =[
6:17 PM
Monday, September 14, 2009
♥ f i v e
the simplest actions can be so sweet.
-----
yesterday at church i learnt a few things (other from the sermon msg):
anyways i remember winning some devo material. and it was a year's worth. i got through the first book, but never really through the rest. each books abt 3 months worth, and i've got four altogether.
i like it. it's longer than the ones josh did with me... and its aimed for youth.
i remember doing YPs with huy's cell group. oh those days =) i miss them! YPs was pretty awesome too.
anyways. i've got about 3 of those SU books. and i really should read dreaming with God (sorryyy mic, i will finish it, one day!).. and i've still got a book called hearing from God, which i got for my bday from zin a while back. i did start it. just never got through it. which seems to be a common occurance for all my books (esp uni books!)
oh and just for general reading..... i still have handle with care AND sister's keeper to get through! lol :) i should really bring a book with me to read on the bus (but fb phone is usually what keeps me entertained)
which reminds me. i still want to see sisters keeper at the movies =[ but i might as well wait for the dvd to be out to rent. and ponyo is out!!! i just watched the trailer. same director as spirited away. okay its kiddish but w/e i still want to watch it =P
well i'm exhausted from my lack of sleep yesterday, so goodnight =)
P.S. for those who don't use facebook, check out this vid =) its funny. according to louis i use all of them x) but i sooo do not! wongfu ftw ^^
-----
yesterday at church i learnt a few things (other from the sermon msg):
- n sings really well and can hit really high for a guy hahaa. but i knew that already. i just got reminded of it when i sat nxt to him yest
- w & a do not know how to stay quiet during a sermon!
- j has a really good controlled voice now. i always percieved her as someone who was better at solos, but i really like how she sings in the worship team now
- t & l are SO CUTE together x) and i cannot wait until they get married on sat :) AND sitting on their right, made me think abt the vid from t's hens and i had to hold back from cracking up laughing (esp the sexy ankle bit... LOL)
- i has pretty messy handwriting x) but he read over my psyc report for me which was really nice of him, and his comments were pretty constructive :)
anyways i remember winning some devo material. and it was a year's worth. i got through the first book, but never really through the rest. each books abt 3 months worth, and i've got four altogether.
i like it. it's longer than the ones josh did with me... and its aimed for youth.
i remember doing YPs with huy's cell group. oh those days =) i miss them! YPs was pretty awesome too.
anyways. i've got about 3 of those SU books. and i really should read dreaming with God (sorryyy mic, i will finish it, one day!).. and i've still got a book called hearing from God, which i got for my bday from zin a while back. i did start it. just never got through it. which seems to be a common occurance for all my books (esp uni books!)
oh and just for general reading..... i still have handle with care AND sister's keeper to get through! lol :) i should really bring a book with me to read on the bus (but fb phone is usually what keeps me entertained)
which reminds me. i still want to see sisters keeper at the movies =[ but i might as well wait for the dvd to be out to rent. and ponyo is out!!! i just watched the trailer. same director as spirited away. okay its kiddish but w/e i still want to watch it =P
well i'm exhausted from my lack of sleep yesterday, so goodnight =)
P.S. for those who don't use facebook, check out this vid =) its funny. according to louis i use all of them x) but i sooo do not! wongfu ftw ^^
Labels: church, devotions, friends, God, movies, reading, SU, wongfuproductions, youtube
11:41 PM
♥ midsems overRrRr!
chem mid sem - FINISHED. OVER. DONE.
psyc report - DONE. COMPLETED. HANDED IN.
IT FEELS SO GOOODDDDDDDDDDDD.
*note to self, another stat test in wk 11*
okay, so i did stay up to study yesterday. til like 2am until josh asked me why i was still up and made me go to bed. even though we're not meant to be talking? lol. glad to know he's still looking out for me.
slept at 230ish. woke up at 8... got up at 830ish. yes...
went to uni, handed in psyc report.
walked around the library looking for someone who does chem too. found allan and steven. and thankyou God that i saw them / went looking in the first place. because they had the most awesomest practice questions that helped SO MUCH, that i am so sure i did pretty well :) ahh God is so awsomeeeeeeeee ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
yes, i'm sleep deprived. but that hot chocolate in the morning lasted til my exam x)
anyways, i've got lots to catch up on now (since ive been focusing on chem and psyc so much!)
but i think i need a nap. so sleep deprived x)
P.S. asia cocktail on fridayyyyyyy and i actually know who's going now =] was kinda worried not many people were going. but yes. shall be a good night out with the girls! yay!
psyc report - DONE. COMPLETED. HANDED IN.
IT FEELS SO GOOODDDDDDDDDDDD.
*note to self, another stat test in wk 11*
okay, so i did stay up to study yesterday. til like 2am until josh asked me why i was still up and made me go to bed. even though we're not meant to be talking? lol. glad to know he's still looking out for me.
slept at 230ish. woke up at 8... got up at 830ish. yes...
went to uni, handed in psyc report.
walked around the library looking for someone who does chem too. found allan and steven. and thankyou God that i saw them / went looking in the first place. because they had the most awesomest practice questions that helped SO MUCH, that i am so sure i did pretty well :) ahh God is so awsomeeeeeeeee ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
yes, i'm sleep deprived. but that hot chocolate in the morning lasted til my exam x)
anyways, i've got lots to catch up on now (since ive been focusing on chem and psyc so much!)
but i think i need a nap. so sleep deprived x)
P.S. asia cocktail on fridayyyyyyy and i actually know who's going now =] was kinda worried not many people were going. but yes. shall be a good night out with the girls! yay!
Labels: assignments, boyfriend, chemistry, clubbing, exams, God, psyc, sleep, uni, worn out
6:07 PM
Sunday, September 13, 2009
♥ f o u r
firstly, i hate chemistry. remind me why i am doing it.
i feel like just crawling into bed and hoping to wake up in a weeks time, to find that i didn't even have to rock up to my mid sem exam.
geez, whats the end of the year going to be like.
sigh, pull me through this one God.
secondly i miss him. and should stop trying to find excuses to talk to him. sigh -.-" be stronger.
thirdly. curry laksa is tasty.
and that is all.
DIE CHEMISTRY! >=[
i feel like just crawling into bed and hoping to wake up in a weeks time, to find that i didn't even have to rock up to my mid sem exam.
geez, whats the end of the year going to be like.
sigh, pull me through this one God.
secondly i miss him. and should stop trying to find excuses to talk to him. sigh -.-" be stronger.
thirdly. curry laksa is tasty.
and that is all.
DIE CHEMISTRY! >=[
11:48 PM
Thursday, September 10, 2009
♥ o n e
four posts in one day! my apoligies! surely, this will be the worst of it, i hope.
i'm in tears again, but it's okay. good tears, i hope.
today i've been working on chemistry. in preparation for my midsem exam (worth 30%) on monday.
tomorrow i'll head to uni, work on that psyc report that's also due monday (worth 20%)... which i haven't got much done of actually.
anyways i kinda realized i never actually properly explained why i am so emo x) the past few days...
relationships aren't easy. there are always obstacles.
when you become so close to someone, you find yourself changing.
some for the good, some for the bad.
some things are obvious, like the things you wear or the things you eat. you don't change because they make you, but you know it's those little things that make them happy, and it influences you. maybe your opinions and views change, maybe you had a strong hate for a colour or style, and eventually you learn to put up with it.
some things are not so obvious. and the reason i don't have any examples, is because they're not obvious.
for me, i've found that i've been getting upset so easily lately, even over the smallest of things. things that if my mate had told me a year ago that their gf was getting upset over, i would have just been like =.="...
i've found that i am on a continous emotional rollercoaster. my moods swings are insane. and no, i can't always use pms as an excuse. because it's much worse than that.
i've found that i am too emotionally dependent. that there are even nights where i don't sleep. now, how unhealthy and absolutely ridiculous does that sound?! i know, i'm such a tool.i've found that i'm a hypocrite, because the things i hated people doing, i do myself.
There were things i would judge people for, and now its time to judge myself.
to open my eyes and look in the mirror and see who i've become. to think of the person i want to be - the honest, loving, caring person... with a strong, honest, pure, God-filled relationship.
to be reminded of the plans God has for my life. to be reminded of my dreams.
to look where i want to be. and contrast it to where i am. and to find that bridge that will get me there.
s e v e n .
we're cutting contact for seven days. because i need that time. and i think he does too.
today marks the end of day one. and there was so many times where i would check my phone or want to type something on his skype. louis rekons day one is the hardest. but i rekon when i get to those days where i'm back at uni... and they... they will be difficult.
i'm in tears again, but it's okay. good tears, i hope.
today i've been working on chemistry. in preparation for my midsem exam (worth 30%) on monday.
tomorrow i'll head to uni, work on that psyc report that's also due monday (worth 20%)... which i haven't got much done of actually.
anyways i kinda realized i never actually properly explained why i am so emo x) the past few days...
relationships aren't easy. there are always obstacles.
when you become so close to someone, you find yourself changing.
some for the good, some for the bad.
some things are obvious, like the things you wear or the things you eat. you don't change because they make you, but you know it's those little things that make them happy, and it influences you. maybe your opinions and views change, maybe you had a strong hate for a colour or style, and eventually you learn to put up with it.
some things are not so obvious. and the reason i don't have any examples, is because they're not obvious.
for me, i've found that i've been getting upset so easily lately, even over the smallest of things. things that if my mate had told me a year ago that their gf was getting upset over, i would have just been like =.="...
i've found that i am on a continous emotional rollercoaster. my moods swings are insane. and no, i can't always use pms as an excuse. because it's much worse than that.
i've found that i am too emotionally dependent. that there are even nights where i don't sleep. now, how unhealthy and absolutely ridiculous does that sound?! i know, i'm such a tool.i've found that i'm a hypocrite, because the things i hated people doing, i do myself.
There were things i would judge people for, and now its time to judge myself.
to open my eyes and look in the mirror and see who i've become. to think of the person i want to be - the honest, loving, caring person... with a strong, honest, pure, God-filled relationship.
to be reminded of the plans God has for my life. to be reminded of my dreams.
to look where i want to be. and contrast it to where i am. and to find that bridge that will get me there.
s e v e n .
we're cutting contact for seven days. because i need that time. and i think he does too.
today marks the end of day one. and there was so many times where i would check my phone or want to type something on his skype. louis rekons day one is the hardest. but i rekon when i get to those days where i'm back at uni... and they... they will be difficult.
Labels: boyfriend, emo, emotions, exams, God, life, me, relationships, uni
11:54 PM
Sunday, September 6, 2009
♥ random thoughts
- i don't like it when he wants me to look a certain way. i've accepted the way he dresses, and he should do the same for me. plus i dont even think i'm that bad =(
- i don't like it when he watches movies until late at night, and i end up staying up just waiting for him, then end up sleeping really late.
- it makes me cry when i hear the pastor telling the their fathers to use the oil to annoint their children tonight... knowing that my father won't be doing that for me.
- but i can pray that one day he will... and that my future husband will walk in the truth of God's love and grace... alongside me.
- i wish i was stronger.
- today i was challenged to pray for my sister, not just by myself, but actually pray over her, with her. the difficulty of that is very great. for those who know how much my sister and i get along. my faith will be tested.
- it feels good when he actually acknowledges how i look. it shows he takes notice.
- he messaged my dad happy fathers day via sms...... before i even woke up and had the chance to say it to him first.
- i am blessed to have a mother, who despite her circumstances, remains full of faith and love.
- mum annointed us with the oil after lunch.
- she's also told me she was going to do it again tonight for my sister and her ear infection. i think God knew i was scared/nervous >.<>
- today i also shook my bf's parents hands. when i think abt it, its kinda weird. i shake hands with official people at competitions and stuff. not really my friends parents, let alone my bf's parents. i like how i make him hug my mum when she gives him stuff. my mum's a kinda huggy person, or has become so over the past few yrs, it makes our family more closer i reckon. will have to say something when she gives him the chinese chess set, so that they hug again. hehe.
- i am still deciding if i should alter all my jeans. i think so far, definitely my flares, bootleg and those pair of wide pants (because u can't really wear them otherwise). but for the skinnys....... they're just going to remain inside my boots, and for my straights, i want to be able to wear them with both heels and flats... hence shortening them would still mean i would have to fold them in/up for flats.
- i washed the dishes. and am in the process of taking in my clothes. geez i am being a good daughter today, better appreciate it while it lasts mum/dad!
- gonna get into some chemistry today. had lots of fun the past two days. but its time to hit the books. chem midsem in a week!
- not having my dad going to church, really makes me want a husband who i know won't go down that path. but then again, i'm sure my mother didn't foresee it when she was getting married.
- i need to start praying for him more consistently.
Labels: boyfriend, church, exams, faith, father's day, future, God, grace, love, parents, prayer, uni
12:35 PM
Saturday, August 22, 2009
♥ broken through the hate
last week i had a bit of a prompting to start talking to someone.
it was bothering me a bit this week.
and i didnt really know how to go along about it.
how to make it happen. if it would work out. it they would even want to talk to me. if it would cause tension in my other relationships.
but today, after cell group, i realized it's something i shouldn't hold back on.
she was someone i epically raged about a few months ago. i probably even blogged about it, and probably bitched about. haha, theres my inner bad girl.
but over the past month, more so the past few weeks. much has changed.
i thought it might still be too soon, to begin talking, even though we've never talked before. yet there was still so much tension between us...
but i remember in a blog, more recently than the rage one, i wrote about letting go. about not judging someone for their past.
and i told myself i did. and i did. at times it would slip, im human.
but i never put that to action until today. i never tried to fix something that was always broken, in my eyes anyways.
but it turned out well. i'm quite pleased.
you know, i could have just spent the rest of my life ignoring her. but i chose to listen. and i think sometimes we percieve things as just impossible. never did i think i would be able to befriend her.
but now it's a possibility. now the vase is fixed. no longer broken. it's just whether we start using it, like putting flowers in it.
hehe, im pretty happy i listened.
thanks God =)
it was bothering me a bit this week.
and i didnt really know how to go along about it.
how to make it happen. if it would work out. it they would even want to talk to me. if it would cause tension in my other relationships.
but today, after cell group, i realized it's something i shouldn't hold back on.
she was someone i epically raged about a few months ago. i probably even blogged about it, and probably bitched about. haha, theres my inner bad girl.
but over the past month, more so the past few weeks. much has changed.
i thought it might still be too soon, to begin talking, even though we've never talked before. yet there was still so much tension between us...
but i remember in a blog, more recently than the rage one, i wrote about letting go. about not judging someone for their past.
and i told myself i did. and i did. at times it would slip, im human.
but i never put that to action until today. i never tried to fix something that was always broken, in my eyes anyways.
but it turned out well. i'm quite pleased.
you know, i could have just spent the rest of my life ignoring her. but i chose to listen. and i think sometimes we percieve things as just impossible. never did i think i would be able to befriend her.
but now it's a possibility. now the vase is fixed. no longer broken. it's just whether we start using it, like putting flowers in it.
hehe, im pretty happy i listened.
thanks God =)
Labels: exbf/exgf, friends, God, hate, relationships
12:32 AM
Thursday, August 13, 2009
♥ my boyfriend
this is my boyfriend.
he is tall.
he is smart.
he doesn't like to lose.
he doesn't like not being good at things.
he has pretty bad table etiquette.
he plays the piano.
he speaks chinese.
he can swim.
he can do cpr.
he wears bright coloured clothing, and even bright coloured (or glittery) shoes.
he doesn't like being slapped in the face.
he liked to play minesweeper flags on msn.
he wears skinny jeans.
he's still on his Ls, waiting for his six months to be up.
he has a pretty dodgy phone, his LG that is.
he farts unshamelessly around his family and even me.
he bullies his little brother.
he plays basketball.
he plays baddy.
he can be pretty sweet sometimes.
he writes really nice emails and letters.
he use to always has his eyes closed when taking pictures (*blinkblink*) but he's getting better and keeping them open.
he has pretty good handwriting, probably more legible than mine.
he has his msn nickname in pink.
he likes orange and purple and pink.
he was born in perth and he's lived in malaysia and america too.
he makes me smile.
he makes me laugh.
he sometimes makes me upset.
he sometimes makes me cry.
he makes me happy, most of the time, haha.
he doesn't like my flares.
he likes my nails painted. esp black, for some reason.
he likes tshirts.
he likes dimsum.
he likes that zinzukeh stuff, excuse my pronunciation/spelling.
he randomly speaks phrases in other languages.
he randomly says peoples names (well not people, more just like pbvn)
he doesn't really like sandwiches, but he gets them for lunch anyways.
he doesn't like to waste food.
he doesn't like to be late.
he use to be pretty inflexible, but he's changed.
he use to be pretty arrogant too.
he has a past, but don't we all?
he tries to change, even when he doesn't have to.
he use to throw some pretty corny lines at me, but for some reason i thought it was kinda cute in a funny way.
he likes chicken.
he tutors.
he has a blue pencil case, that i bought him, thats why its blue, hehe.
he shares great close bonds with his friends.
he loves God.
he has amazing testimonies of God working in his life.
he loves me.
he is my boyfriend.
and i love him.
he is tall.
he is smart.
he doesn't like to lose.
he doesn't like not being good at things.
he has pretty bad table etiquette.
he plays the piano.
he speaks chinese.
he can swim.
he can do cpr.
he wears bright coloured clothing, and even bright coloured (or glittery) shoes.
he doesn't like being slapped in the face.
he liked to play minesweeper flags on msn.
he wears skinny jeans.
he's still on his Ls, waiting for his six months to be up.
he has a pretty dodgy phone, his LG that is.
he farts unshamelessly around his family and even me.
he bullies his little brother.
he plays basketball.
he plays baddy.
he can be pretty sweet sometimes.
he writes really nice emails and letters.
he use to always has his eyes closed when taking pictures (*blinkblink*) but he's getting better and keeping them open.
he has pretty good handwriting, probably more legible than mine.
he has his msn nickname in pink.
he likes orange and purple and pink.
he was born in perth and he's lived in malaysia and america too.
he makes me smile.
he makes me laugh.
he sometimes makes me upset.
he sometimes makes me cry.
he makes me happy, most of the time, haha.
he doesn't like my flares.
he likes my nails painted. esp black, for some reason.
he likes tshirts.
he likes dimsum.
he likes that zinzukeh stuff, excuse my pronunciation/spelling.
he randomly speaks phrases in other languages.
he randomly says peoples names (well not people, more just like pbvn)
he doesn't really like sandwiches, but he gets them for lunch anyways.
he doesn't like to waste food.
he doesn't like to be late.
he use to be pretty inflexible, but he's changed.
he use to be pretty arrogant too.
he has a past, but don't we all?
he tries to change, even when he doesn't have to.
he use to throw some pretty corny lines at me, but for some reason i thought it was kinda cute in a funny way.
he likes chicken.
he tutors.
he has a blue pencil case, that i bought him, thats why its blue, hehe.
he shares great close bonds with his friends.
he loves God.
he has amazing testimonies of God working in his life.
he loves me.
he is my boyfriend.
and i love him.
Labels: boyfriend, God, love, relationships
12:56 PM
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
♥ who am i
You know how you get those quiz things. and people get to describe you in three words....
or maybe those pictures on facebook, that you can tag people as different personalities or descriptions...
or maybe just those simple birthday cards, where people describe and compliment you.
in year five or six, i got the champagne award. for my bubbly personality.
my year twelve calculus teacher once called me a perfectionist.
i've had people describe me as cheerful, motivated, bright, smart, passionate, confident, independent, daring, loud, friendly, compassionate.
but who i am i now?
those descriptions of me. were they truely who i was, or simply the impression i gave off - what i let people believe. more importantly... do they still define who i am?
so how do i see myself now. very different to be honest. i think my posts are getting a bit repetitive.
so let me cut to the chase.
people change. it's amazing how a mother doesn't get to choose their child. and no matter how much that child changes. a mother will still love her child.
it's amazing how God can love His children, despite how much they may reject Him... how much their relationship with Him changes.
unconditional love is beautiful.
but how about if we take a few step down, and talk about friendships.
you befriend someone because maybe you get along, you share common interests, you like the qualities that the person has. and if that person changes? i guess things might change. you become distant, maybe u distance urself from them, or vice versa - or maybe neither, your lives just go in different directions by itself.
lets take back up.
God chooses to still love us, despite us being sinners.
A mother chooses to still love their child, despite the rejection her child gives her.
A friend chooses to still hold onto that friendship, despite no longer having the common interests and qualities that were once there.
A boyfriend chooses to still love his girlfriend, despite her no longer having those qualities that made him fall in love with her.
At the moment I see myself, as much as i hate to admit it, as attachy, emotional and edgey.
But I can't help how i feel. I can hide it - that's not a problem. and if i chose to do so, then maybe i would be more like i use to be. But where's the truth in that. How is that being honest about my feelings.
I'm quite a wrek at the moment. A lot of things have been getting to me. And when questioned why or how things upset me, I dont even know the answer. I dont get how things that would have hardly bother me a year ago, can impact me so much now. How, if a year ago i had heard of someone else reacting the way i do now, i would have seen them as silly, immature and maybe even stupid.
and really, thats how i feel i am at the moment.
or maybe those pictures on facebook, that you can tag people as different personalities or descriptions...
or maybe just those simple birthday cards, where people describe and compliment you.
in year five or six, i got the champagne award. for my bubbly personality.
my year twelve calculus teacher once called me a perfectionist.
i've had people describe me as cheerful, motivated, bright, smart, passionate, confident, independent, daring, loud, friendly, compassionate.
but who i am i now?
those descriptions of me. were they truely who i was, or simply the impression i gave off - what i let people believe. more importantly... do they still define who i am?
so how do i see myself now. very different to be honest. i think my posts are getting a bit repetitive.
so let me cut to the chase.
people change. it's amazing how a mother doesn't get to choose their child. and no matter how much that child changes. a mother will still love her child.
it's amazing how God can love His children, despite how much they may reject Him... how much their relationship with Him changes.
unconditional love is beautiful.
but how about if we take a few step down, and talk about friendships.
you befriend someone because maybe you get along, you share common interests, you like the qualities that the person has. and if that person changes? i guess things might change. you become distant, maybe u distance urself from them, or vice versa - or maybe neither, your lives just go in different directions by itself.
lets take back up.
God chooses to still love us, despite us being sinners.
A mother chooses to still love their child, despite the rejection her child gives her.
A friend chooses to still hold onto that friendship, despite no longer having the common interests and qualities that were once there.
A boyfriend chooses to still love his girlfriend, despite her no longer having those qualities that made him fall in love with her.
At the moment I see myself, as much as i hate to admit it, as attachy, emotional and edgey.
But I can't help how i feel. I can hide it - that's not a problem. and if i chose to do so, then maybe i would be more like i use to be. But where's the truth in that. How is that being honest about my feelings.
I'm quite a wrek at the moment. A lot of things have been getting to me. And when questioned why or how things upset me, I dont even know the answer. I dont get how things that would have hardly bother me a year ago, can impact me so much now. How, if a year ago i had heard of someone else reacting the way i do now, i would have seen them as silly, immature and maybe even stupid.
and really, thats how i feel i am at the moment.
Labels: boyfriend, God, parents, relationships, self image, sin
7:09 PM
