Sunday, December 27, 2009

♥ baby :)

okay my last post may have made me sound a little crazy. baby crazy. haha.

after spending today's service outside in the mum & baby area watching the sermon being streamed via screen, i have realized that there are good quiet babies. and loud energetic babies. ones that are easy to look after. and ones that make you run around like a headless duck.

my boyfriend pointed out to me yesterday that i should stop calling babies 'baby'.. and by their name. because when i was like "babyyy loook at the camera" when taking a photo of cayden and josh yest, he thought i was talking to him.. but really, i was talking to the baby... ...

i must admit, i never really saw my bf as the kid type. but he was surprisingly pretty good with cayden yesterday. which made me smile.

andd.. the coughing fits start again. ARGH. til nxt time~

Labels: boyfriend, children, church, sunday sermon

dt
2:10 PM

Sunday, November 1, 2009

♥ the orange squinting bf

after a chat last night, i'm glad things are getting somewhat becoming normal again.

and yes, becoming.

i had forgiven him on that monday. forgiveness wasn't the problem... it was just being able to let go and move on.

the next thirty eight days will still be different. it will definately be back to basics. simplicity i should hope. reminds me of nearly a year ago, when things were still so new.

a focus on the other parts of our lives, and not so much ignoring, forgetting and trying to let go of each other.

oh another note. engaged in a very insightful conversation with pastor today about all those controversies that got me very heated up during sma. must write an email to bev/nathan about it after exams...

found myself scrambling through my bible during worship today. it was good. words, verses... kept popping up in my mind.

haha. josh was in the paper today. squinty eyes much xD? ahaha reminds me again of last year when i was flicking through his fb and his eyes were closed in like every picture x)

my sister waas like.. "why is he wearing orange? why is he squinting? he looks like a pokemon"

anyways. i remember him coming back from that applic exam and complaining to me about it. ppfttt.

i do however think that shirt is more pinkish than orange?

it's okay. i still love my squinting eyed boyfriend =)

Labels: boyfriend, relationships, sma, sunday sermon

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2:14 PM

Sunday, October 11, 2009

♥ my sunday

disclaimer / warning: super longggg blog entry.

i kinda hoped after two days i would stop crying about it, but when i bumped into pastor at church and he asked me if i was going back to tbc ministry and also where i've been lately, and i told him how i was in ballarat and came back sick... and then i told him i didn't get into med and yes.

grace joined in after. and gave me a hug. which was good, because pastors aren't for hugging. because that's just... awkward.

Pastor told me that if i honor the things of God, that He will honor me. that's been stuck in my mind all day.
he also told me that in the future i will look back and see how things worked out and stuff

i don't know. i guess i'm a bit confused.

grace said it was okay to be angry with God. but i'm not angry (well, yet) i'm more disappointed and confused.

you see, my boyfriend, his mother, my exbf, all sorta asked if i was going to change my goals/course. josh said something like seeking what God wants in my life, if it's something other than med. but I've always believed that IS what He wants. and what I want too! And why i'm going the long way about it, I do not know why. But there's a reason i guess, i just don't know what it is.

people like my parents, my sister, jfu... were different. they already know how much i want it. and talked abt next year, or postgrad etc. they didn't question whether i was giving up because they didn't believe i would.

don't get me wrong, i still need to seek God about my future. like pastor told me, i need to rest in Him. i need to listen.

i'm continously reminded of this section in Dreaming With God (yes mic, i did read some of it!) where ... hmm, its prob best if i directly quote.

The Blank Check
As kids, many of us dreamed about being granted one wish. Solomon got the "one wish." When God appeared to Solomon and gave him that opportunity, it forever raised the bar of our expectations in prayer. The disciples were given the same "wish," only better. Instead of one blank check, they were given an unlimited supply of blank checks. And this gift was specifically granted in the context of their friendship with God.
Surrounding their promotion to friendship, Jesus gave His disciples this amazing list of promises. Each promise was a blank check they were to live by and use throughout their lives for the expansion of the Kingdom. They are as follows:
If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you (John 15 vs 7)
You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you (John 15 vs 16)
If you ask anything in My name, I will do it (John 14 vs 14)
And in that day you will ask Me nothing. Most assuredly, I say to you, whatever you ask the Father in My name He will give you. Until now you have asked nothing in My name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full (John 16 vs 23-24)
For us to properly receive what Jesus has offered us in these verses, any robotic understanding of what it means to be a follower of God has to change. God never intended that the believer be a puppet on a string. God actually makes Himself vulnerable to the desires of His people. In fact, it can be said, "if it matters to you, it matters to Him"
While much of the Church is waiting for the next word from God, He is waiting to hear the dream of His people. He longs for us to take our role, not because He needs us, but beause He loves us.

i've always been the kinda girl who has her whole life planned out. Married at 25. First kid at 28. And hopefully another two after that, in 3 year intervals (haha, i know, i'm a freak). At the way things are looking, i won't even be graduated when i'm 25. i remember telling my lifegroup once, how it was so difficult for me, when i first found out that i didn't get into med the first time. how things weren't going the way i had planned. how much of a struggle it was to adjust and get use to the fact that things don't always go how u hoped / planned.

thats why when pastor was talking about how you can seek God for the answers for everything, except when ur asked how many kids they want, you can straight out tell you. it made me laugh, and reminds me so much of myself.

Oh yeah, i held lil zeke today! 2nd time EVER because everyone always steals him =[ and he didn't cry! ZMGSH first time he hasn't when i've held him =P. too bad i had to go cauz nat was taking me back =[ but arghhhhhh!!!!!!!! ♡♡♡ BABIESSS

On other news, i went to my bf's hse for lunch. and sigh, idk, i'm feeling more and more uncomfortable around his family. like sometimes his mum doesn't think i understand what she's saying when she speaks chinese =[ but i do get bits of it, or at least the gist of it.

so like she kept asking me try to chilli and i kept saying that i was fine. she knows i can't take chilli. and she was like 'it's not hot blahblah'... and then i think josh told her to stop asking or something (in chinese) and she was like saying back to him (in chinese) something like ~ what? so she's not going to eat it for the rest of her life?.................

and then she found out i couldn't swim and told me to go join adult vacswim classes (like actually told me in english!) .........................

she even told josh (in chinese) i eat like a kid because my plate was so 'far away' from me.................

she makes me feel really stupid.

maybe she's trying to joke half the time, but okay, i get it, i suck, and ur son is awesome, because i can't speak chinese, eat chilli / hot stuff, play an instrument / piano, can't swim, and i can't get into med... and he can do all those things and more.... -.-"

sigh, i am tryingggggggggggg to give her a break. josh always tells me to not let me preconcieved ideas affect how i see her. but you know, its pretty difficult... i don't really agree with a lot of her ideas on education and stuff. but yeah i don't say anything, of course. but i fear conflict when we get married and have kids.

it's okay. mother in laws are meant to be difficult right? but she's not even my mother in law yet!

ahh, the difficulties of dating the first born son of an asian family. i think i shall just avoid his parents for a while. because tbh, it just makes me feel inadequate and fustrated =[

Went for familyy dinner tonight. Peking duck (yum!) + Fried squid tenticles + Seafood Ho Fun with Egg Sauce.

I think my sister is feeling slightly guilty because this morning she found out i broke the glass cup in the bathroom and told me how she wouldn't trust me with her things let alone someone's life as a doctor. And i was like "well it doesn't matter because i didn't get in anyways" and she was something like "yeah but you break everything" and i was like "well i've still got a while to learn to be more careful" then 5 minutes later she was like "oh did you mean you didn't get in for next year?!" and i was like "yeahhh". ahaha, so in the car she was talking to me about it and at dinner she said she wants to take me to some new tea place she found to 'cheer me up'.

I forgot to take my breakfast this morning. Yes, my mum makes me breakfast (even on sundays) and leaves them in the oven. Must be more aware and remember to take it, because she puts in the effort every morning =[. sometimes i don't even eat the lunch she makes =[, and she wakes up early to make it. sigh. i'm so bad.

i love my family.

i love my friends.

i love my boyfriend.

i love God!

Labels: boyfriend, breakfast, family, future, God, life, marriage, medicine, parents, sister, sunday sermon

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11:03 PM

Sunday, April 19, 2009

♥ You of little faith, why did you doubt?

Matthew 14

²⁵During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. ²⁶When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.

²⁷But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

²⁸"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."

²⁹"Come," he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. ³⁰But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"

³¹Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"

³²And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. ³³Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."

i think in some ways i'm like peter.

i see the wonderful things God does in my life, i see how he carries me through every situation...

and u know... i walk on water...

but then i start to see the world through my eyes.

i start to see "reality"... then i start to lack faith. i dont know i can handle it. i think its too much.

and i begin to sink into the water.

I always ask God to help mee... I always ask Him where He is...

but it's not that God isn't there for me.

but rather, i am somewhat lacking in faith.

I focus on the wrong things... I doubt.

I need to change my perspective, because i'm continuously sinking whenever i'm stressed out and overloaded.

Changed.

Faith.

Life.

Labels: faith, God, life, overload, stress, sunday sermon

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4:02 PM

Saturday, April 11, 2009

♥ day 8

it's already 12:37am on a saturday. i have work at 9am. but i feel like blogging.

i felt my heart was at unrest this morning. as i woke up. i guess lots of things had happened / i had found out some things the night before... but i dont really know if that was the only reason.

i felt much better after church & worship. and as the day progressed... even better.

it's been a long day. and the next 24 hours will be even longer. work from 9 - 5pm. get ready in half an hr. take the bus at 5:30 to city (going straight from the shopping center). arrive around 6:15/6:30... cruise from 7pm til 11pm.. then sleepover at zin's house. then church for easter sunday nxt morning xD

i guess u could say im lacking in the sleep aspect. me and josh stayed up on thurs night / fri morning til like 1:30am or something. just praying over the phone for certain people in our lives. praying for goodfriday and thanking God for giving up His Son for our sins. it was really good. just really late at night, so we were pretty dead today haha.

i think as we begin to seek and pray to God together... we not only grow closer to God, but also to one another. It's really cool. God's amazing.

In the service today, pastor was talking about the tree of knowledge of good and evil, and the tree of life. As we begin to seek God, wisdom will come - wisdom that leads to life, not death like the tree of knowledge does. I think an important aspect of our relationship is not seeking knowledge from the world, that may be seen as 'okay' by our friends.. but rather we seek God, and we will learn things... that are right in God's eyes.

i also feel like josh is becoming a part of my life, that i can't see myself living without - wait, not becoming, but IS. like as cheesey as it sounds -____-! haha. i think it's important we're both not so dependant on one another, i'm really one for independancy (is that a word?) and as much as i enjoy being independant, im getting to the stage where he's always there. always helping me. always encouraging me. always reminding me. but not in that restrictive sorta way, but in the way that i'm use to it! people say that when somethings always there that you get use to it - and take it for granted. i hope i don't ever take him for granted. because i appreciate everything he does for me. he's simpy amazing.

Thanks God. for placing him in my life.

Labels: boyfriend, busy, church, easter, relationships, sleep, sunday sermon, work

dt
12:37 AM

Sunday, March 15, 2009

♥ loving my parents

i remember when i was in year 3 or 4 or something like that...

i went over to a friends house... i was telling her how i was so angry at my parents.

i told her i hated them.

after that... word got around. she told her mum. her mum called the school. the principal told my teacher. my teacher called my parents.

but the story changed. it went from me hating my parents.. to me telling her not to listen to her parents.

my mum approached me about it... "approached".

i didn't know what to say. do i tell her, what i really said was that i hated her? not that i told that friend not to listen to her parents... but i actually had told her i hated my parents.

i couldn't bring myself to telling my parents. the truth. the fact that i actually told her 'i hate my parents' rather than 'don't listen to ur parents'

on days like today... when arguements happen like it did today. i can't help but feel angry.

i just want to scream at my parents... to list out the things that i do for them.

i just want to call my boyfriend and complain about them. call and complain about how much i do for them... yet they're don't even acknowledge it or realize it.

but he questions me... he convinces me not to throw my anger at them. he convinces me not to give a come back with the 'things i've done for them'. he makes me ask myself why i do those things. it's not to be acknowledged. but it's out of love.

on several occasions, the pastor at church has talked about doing good works - and doing it humbly. you don't do it, for the acknowledgement or praise.

so i question myself now...

how much do my parents do for me? and how much do i acknowledge it?

my mum makes me lunch everyday... all throughout highschool, and even through uni. somedays i would come home with my lunch uneaten (because i decided i felt like canteen food) - even though she especially woke up, just to make it for me.

my dad picks me up from places - when i'm out late at night. even though he has to get up at 6am the next morning for work.

my mum noticed i wasn't eating breakfast. so she bought a travel mug, and every morning she'd put cereal in there with milk - and even bring it to the car for me, so i'd eat it on the way to school / uni. on days i didnt feel like cereal, she'd cook maggie mee in the mug.

my dad would wait for me after school... when i had meetings for debating or leadership things... he would sit in the car and read a magazine, waiting... just so he could send me home.

my mum would pray for me. all the time. every morning during my TEE exams, while i was sleeping - she'd open up my room door and stick her hand in and pray over me. every time she dropped me off at school for an exam. when she reached her office, and it hit 9 o'clock - the time of my exam, she'd pray again for me.

my dad goes to the shop and searches for the face wipes that i asked him to get... specific face wipes. it had to be 'clean and clear, oil free, cleansing wipes'. when he couldn't find them at 3 different stores, he asks the store girl... who tells him that the line is discontinued. he asks her for a recommendation, and buys it for me.

this is a parent's love.

i see it now.

and as much as i thought i hated my parents when i was a kid... i don't.

i love them dearly.

argh!! the tears are falling.

Labels: boyfriend, family, love, parents, relationships, sunday sermon

dt
7:15 PM

Sunday, February 8, 2009

♥ back at church <3

ahh so today was my first day back at church for a while.

i had to go early, because my sister needed to set up n stuff...

it was good saying hi to everyone and seeing those familiar faces which i havent seen in so long.

when i walked into the service, it was a bit awkwarddd... none of the 'o8 yr 12 tbc-ers were there... and i found myself sorta wondering up and down the aisle. passing by people and saying hi here and there...

but the service was about to start, so i sat down next to nathan (who is now in YA not lighthouse because he is now old haha) and then chongy sat next to me (which i might add i havent seen/ talked to him in AGESSS)

andd i remember half way through worship i thought to myself <3>

so todays sermon was on "aligning your priorities"... relevance much? very. hehe.
so just some important notes i picked up (btw i started using that sermon notes book that uncle dennis gave me a while back. new year new book =D)

- i need to ask God what is my assignment for 2oo9
- i need to adjust to my place and assignment that God gives you / places you in
- in times of famine it's possible for a christian to prosper rather than suffer
- having money and being wealthy are two different things - i may not have money in my bank account, but in Christ, i am rich beyong measure
- God is giving not out of his wealth, but according to his wealth (e.g. giving a blank cheque rather than a dollar coin)
- we are able to reverse times of famine by hearing God
- we dont walk in luck, we walk in faith
- do not worry about your life - if we stop worrying, we can let God intervine.
- have confidence in Christ.
- God is always a God of more than enough
- God doesn't sponsor those He does not call --> we must seek God's kingdom
- when i am weak, God is strong...
- when all falls apart... worship God for He will see you through... He will take care of you.
- God = plan A... there is no plan B
- I need to give what is important to me... to God, and into His hands.

Nothing can separate us from the love of God.

Labels: church, message, sunday sermon

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4:54 PM

Sunday, December 28, 2008

♥ poverty : the environmental aspect

there was quite an inspiring speaker at church today. a very intersting guy.

often i would look at the MDGs and as a priority i would see hunger and health as a priority.

it's also part of the motivation to be a doctor. to be able to assist in that way.

but i sorta never really realized the real importance of environmental sustainability. i mean yeah i knew it was important. but not as much as i do now.

the simple things like roads.. building wells... it doesn't just affect the infrastructure, but also can have economic and social issues etc...

he brought up a goood point.. about how many people think its really easy - to just go into a community and do things "our" way. often we lack the "understanding" part.

we often think because we live in developed countries... that our way of doing things is right - but this isnt necessarily true.

i remember thinking about this for preparing for my yoty impromptus.. i was rehearsing answers from made up questions... and one of the made up questions was about aboriginal communities. and how we could help them. i think often we fail to realize the importance of the community. we dont understand their culture. their priorities. their way of life. and often we intrude in their community and attempt to improve it - only for it to eventually fail, because we dont listen or understand them.

in order for projects to work - there needs to be a better consideration for the people around it - and all those affected. the impacts need to be assessed - and the community ensured that it will be beneficial. projects can be completed all the time - but are they effective? i think that depends muchly on the community.

so yes, my eyes were opened today. i think to a different aspect of poverty - not just the health one (which i usually focus on, aside from gender inequality hehe)

anyways. i rushed home today and quickly ate lunch (in like 10minutes) and then rocked up to work, only to find out they were closing early because the shopping center was dead. walked around - ended up buying some shorts and a dress from jayjays... and then met up with parents in woolies and followed them food shopping for a bit. then dropped by betts for mum to try on shoes. found the shoes she wanted - but no size. so got them put on hold! then we went home so mum could start cooking for guests tonight.

after changing into some clothess (and out of my work uniform).. me and dad headed off to galleria to get mums shoesss and then checked out camera prices at tandy/myer.. then ended up getting it at officeworks... funny how prices vary so much - $299 at myer, $245 at officeworks.

so i got him to get the canon ixus 80is. simple camera, really. but easy to use and a good camera for its price. i mean yeahh for 299 he could have got the ixus 90is (my camera) but i dont think he'll know how to use it - its not exactly the most user friendly camera (especially for older people who aren't techsavy).

so yes i still got lots packing to do.. but 11 more hours to goo until i fly out to sydney <3

Labels: MDG, poverty, shopping, sunday sermon, youth service

dt
5:37 PM

Sunday, December 7, 2008

♥ Identity in Jesus Christ

Sunday 7th December 2008
Message by Cuong Quang....

Why should I worry and be upset when I can cast all my anxieties on Christ who cares for me?

1 Peter 5:7 (New International Version)

7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Why should I fear when the Bible says God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind?

2 Timothy 1:7 (New International Version)

7For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

Why should I let the pressures of life bother me... when I can take the courage knowing that Jesus has overcome the world and its problems.

John 16:33 (New International Version)

33"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Act and Think
in the truth of your identity
in Jesus Christ

Romans 6:10-11 (New International Version)

10The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God.

11In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.

Labels: church, message, sunday sermon

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7:28 PM

Sunday, November 30, 2008

♥ sunday: faith. grace. love.

Ephesians 2:8 (NIV)

For it is by grace you have been saved,

through faith—and this not from yourselves,

it is the gift of God

Today daryl was the speaker for our youth service... and i picked up quite a bit
which i will write down, so i dont forget =]

so he was continuing his series, on not only grace, but faith...

He mentioned that we can never fall out of the favour of our King...
and that everytime God looks at us, he smiles... he is pleased with us...
Because we are in Christ. When he looks at us, he sees Jesus.

Isnt that awesome? I think sometimes we feel unworthy of God's love... like we feel that we're not good enough! Maybe its guilt? I guess sometimes we do thingss we regret, we know is wrong.. and we just feel so bad after... so unworthy... but how awesome is our God... His love... is just so awesome.

OOOoohHh.. this reminds me of one of my favourite songs!

All For Love - Hillsong

All for love the Father gave
For only love could make a way
All for love the heavens cried
For love was crucified

Oh how many times have I broken Your heart
But still You forgive
If only I ask
And how many times have You heard me pray
Draw near to me

Everything I need is You
My beginning, my forever
Everything I need is You

Let me sing all for love
I will join the angels song
Ever holy is the Lord
King of Glory
King of all

All for a love a Saviour prayed
Abba Father have Your way
Though they know not what they do
Let the Cross draw man to You

hehe anyways.. another thing daryl said was that faith is simply trusting God will do what He says He'll do....

i have such an awesome father in heaven... why do i stress so much? why do i always freak out and worry.

i know He has a plan for me!! plans to prosper me =) and not harm mee... plans to give me hope and a future...

i believe it.

Romans 1:17 (NIV)

17For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed,

a righteousness that is by faith from first to last,

just as it is written: "The righteous will live by faith."

Labels: faith, grace, message, sunday sermon, youth service

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2:16 PM