Sunday, October 11, 2009
♥ my sunday
disclaimer / warning: super longggg blog entry.
i kinda hoped after two days i would stop crying about it, but when i bumped into pastor at church and he asked me if i was going back to tbc ministry and also where i've been lately, and i told him how i was in ballarat and came back sick... and then i told him i didn't get into med and yes.
grace joined in after. and gave me a hug. which was good, because pastors aren't for hugging. because that's just... awkward.
Pastor told me that if i honor the things of God, that He will honor me. that's been stuck in my mind all day.
he also told me that in the future i will look back and see how things worked out and stuff
i don't know. i guess i'm a bit confused.
grace said it was okay to be angry with God. but i'm not angry (well, yet) i'm more disappointed and confused.
you see, my boyfriend, his mother, my exbf, all sorta asked if i was going to change my goals/course. josh said something like seeking what God wants in my life, if it's something other than med. but I've always believed that IS what He wants. and what I want too! And why i'm going the long way about it, I do not know why. But there's a reason i guess, i just don't know what it is.
people like my parents, my sister, jfu... were different. they already know how much i want it. and talked abt next year, or postgrad etc. they didn't question whether i was giving up because they didn't believe i would.
don't get me wrong, i still need to seek God about my future. like pastor told me, i need to rest in Him. i need to listen.
i'm continously reminded of this section in Dreaming With God (yes mic, i did read some of it!) where ... hmm, its prob best if i directly quote.
The Blank Check
As kids, many of us dreamed about being granted one wish. Solomon got the "one wish." When God appeared to Solomon and gave him that opportunity, it forever raised the bar of our expectations in prayer. The disciples were given the same "wish," only better. Instead of one blank check, they were given an unlimited supply of blank checks. And this gift was specifically granted in the context of their friendship with God.
Surrounding their promotion to friendship, Jesus gave His disciples this amazing list of promises. Each promise was a blank check they were to live by and use throughout their lives for the expansion of the Kingdom. They are as follows:
If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you (John 15 vs 7)
You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you (John 15 vs 16)
If you ask anything in My name, I will do it (John 14 vs 14)
And in that day you will ask Me nothing. Most assuredly, I say to you, whatever you ask the Father in My name He will give you. Until now you have asked nothing in My name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full (John 16 vs 23-24)
For us to properly receive what Jesus has offered us in these verses, any robotic understanding of what it means to be a follower of God has to change. God never intended that the believer be a puppet on a string. God actually makes Himself vulnerable to the desires of His people. In fact, it can be said, "if it matters to you, it matters to Him"
While much of the Church is waiting for the next word from God, He is waiting to hear the dream of His people. He longs for us to take our role, not because He needs us, but beause He loves us.
i've always been the kinda girl who has her whole life planned out. Married at 25. First kid at 28. And hopefully another two after that, in 3 year intervals (haha, i know, i'm a freak). At the way things are looking, i won't even be graduated when i'm 25. i remember telling my lifegroup once, how it was so difficult for me, when i first found out that i didn't get into med the first time. how things weren't going the way i had planned. how much of a struggle it was to adjust and get use to the fact that things don't always go how u hoped / planned.
thats why when pastor was talking about how you can seek God for the answers for everything, except when ur asked how many kids they want, you can straight out tell you. it made me laugh, and reminds me so much of myself.
Oh yeah, i held lil zeke today! 2nd time EVER because everyone always steals him =[ and he didn't cry! ZMGSH first time he hasn't when i've held him =P. too bad i had to go cauz nat was taking me back =[ but arghhhhhh!!!!!!!! ♡♡♡ BABIESSS
On other news, i went to my bf's hse for lunch. and sigh, idk, i'm feeling more and more uncomfortable around his family. like sometimes his mum doesn't think i understand what she's saying when she speaks chinese =[ but i do get bits of it, or at least the gist of it.
so like she kept asking me try to chilli and i kept saying that i was fine. she knows i can't take chilli. and she was like 'it's not hot blahblah'... and then i think josh told her to stop asking or something (in chinese) and she was like saying back to him (in chinese) something like ~ what? so she's not going to eat it for the rest of her life?.................
and then she found out i couldn't swim and told me to go join adult vacswim classes (like actually told me in english!) .........................
she even told josh (in chinese) i eat like a kid because my plate was so 'far away' from me.................
she makes me feel really stupid.
maybe she's trying to joke half the time, but okay, i get it, i suck, and ur son is awesome, because i can't speak chinese, eat chilli / hot stuff, play an instrument / piano, can't swim, and i can't get into med... and he can do all those things and more.... -.-"
sigh, i am tryingggggggggggg to give her a break. josh always tells me to not let me preconcieved ideas affect how i see her. but you know, its pretty difficult... i don't really agree with a lot of her ideas on education and stuff. but yeah i don't say anything, of course. but i fear conflict when we get married and have kids.
it's okay. mother in laws are meant to be difficult right? but she's not even my mother in law yet!
ahh, the difficulties of dating the first born son of an asian family. i think i shall just avoid his parents for a while. because tbh, it just makes me feel inadequate and fustrated =[
Went for familyy dinner tonight. Peking duck (yum!) + Fried squid tenticles + Seafood Ho Fun with Egg Sauce.
I think my sister is feeling slightly guilty because this morning she found out i broke the glass cup in the bathroom and told me how she wouldn't trust me with her things let alone someone's life as a doctor. And i was like "well it doesn't matter because i didn't get in anyways" and she was something like "yeah but you break everything" and i was like "well i've still got a while to learn to be more careful" then 5 minutes later she was like "oh did you mean you didn't get in for next year?!" and i was like "yeahhh". ahaha, so in the car she was talking to me about it and at dinner she said she wants to take me to some new tea place she found to 'cheer me up'.
I forgot to take my breakfast this morning. Yes, my mum makes me breakfast (even on sundays) and leaves them in the oven. Must be more aware and remember to take it, because she puts in the effort every morning =[. sometimes i don't even eat the lunch she makes =[, and she wakes up early to make it. sigh. i'm so bad.
i love my family.
i love my friends.
i love my boyfriend.
i love God!
Labels: boyfriend, breakfast, family, future, God, life, marriage, medicine, parents, sister, sunday sermon
11:03 PM
