Monday, September 6, 2010
♥ the lonely wife
i wonder what it'd be like to be married to a busy man.
the kind of man that works long hours... starting early.. finishing late.. comes home and is too tired to head out anywhere or do anything... maybe even too tired to have a chat.
i wonder if it'd be easier if you were a busy woman too.
a busy man married to a busy woman. there would be less time demands. because both would be busy... both would understand. both would know what each other is going through. and both wouldn't have time to feel lonely. both would feel too tired to head out or chat - rather than having different wants.
and then when you have kids, i guess the woman would have to take time off. would spend most of their time at home... maybe feeling lonely because she's missing the buzz of being busy at work.
lets hope things don't go that way hey.
the kind of man that works long hours... starting early.. finishing late.. comes home and is too tired to head out anywhere or do anything... maybe even too tired to have a chat.
i wonder if it'd be easier if you were a busy woman too.
a busy man married to a busy woman. there would be less time demands. because both would be busy... both would understand. both would know what each other is going through. and both wouldn't have time to feel lonely. both would feel too tired to head out or chat - rather than having different wants.
and then when you have kids, i guess the woman would have to take time off. would spend most of their time at home... maybe feeling lonely because she's missing the buzz of being busy at work.
but she's not completely alone i guess... she will have a bub to cook and clean and take care of...
but then all the focus and attention for both the woman and man will be on the baby... what happens to the relationship between the man and the woman?
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| these comic things are kinda cute, sad but cute. |
lets hope things don't go that way hey.
3:11 PM
Monday, April 19, 2010
♥ failure
you know. one of the worst feelings is knowing that you didn't make the cut. that you disappointed. that you're a failure.
i've already accepted the fact that i didn't get into medicine. both first time around and second.
when people ask me if i got in, i smile back and reply with a not yet. and it doesn't hurt saying that anymore. it doesn't hurt telling people that i'm still doing psychology, but i really want to get into med - i just haven't made the cut. having people ask, is just a reminder that people know how much i wanted it. and thats cool.
i've accepted it. i know i can't look back. i can only look foward.
some people think i'm 'great'. with so much 'potential'. youth of the year you know? what more could you ask for?
and i appreciate it when people say i have 'potential'. i appreciate it when they say that they think i'm 'great'. but i guess inside i just know that i wasn't 'great' enough to get in.
my parents have always had the biggest emotional impact on me. i've always had their expectations. and i always make my own expectations even higher than theirs. so when i do fall below their expectations - i am deeply cut, not only because i didn't meet theirs, but also because i fell short of my own.
i was so cut about not making interviews last year. although i showed very little emotion to my parents. inside i was just so heartbroken. how coukd i not be? it was everything i wanted. and to miss out a second time. it hurt.
and despite getting over it and moving on... every time my dad mentions how i failed the umat, like my life is joke, i am brought to tears.
he doesn't understand how much it hurt. it hurt me more than he could ever understand. it hurt me more than he realizes. and it hurts even more to be reminded of how much of a failure i am in my father's eyes.
he doesn't understand how hard it is. how hard it is for me. he complains about money, little does he realize that i paid for my own medentry course this year. and my own rego through acer.
all i need is support and encouragement. not a reminder that i am a failure. because i know that already. but it still hurts everytime the words come out of your mouth.
it's easy for josh to tell me to prove him wrong. for him to point out how much i haven't been practising umat or haven't been studying hard. to tell me to be stronger, and that what he says doesn't matter.
but do you have any idea how it feels to know your parents think you're a failure? and despite the many of you who will tell me that i am not... even if i believe you, it doesn't change what my parents see, and might i add - constantly remind me of.
9:17 PM
Sunday, March 21, 2010
♥ pick a direction
6:50 PM
Thursday, February 25, 2010
♥ this year
this year i am going to work harder.
this year i am going to be more patient.
this year i am going to try to be more understanding.
this year i am going to attend my lectures.
this year i am going to study more.
this year i am going to practice umat more.
this year i am going to be a better girlfriend.
this year i am going to be a better daughter.
this year i am going to be a better friend.
this year i am going to be a better study buddy.
this year i am going to grow closer to God.
this year
i am
going to
be
better.
this year i am going to be more patient.
this year i am going to try to be more understanding.
this year i am going to attend my lectures.
this year i am going to study more.
this year i am going to practice umat more.
this year i am going to be a better girlfriend.
this year i am going to be a better daughter.
this year i am going to be a better friend.
this year i am going to be a better study buddy.
this year i am going to grow closer to God.
this year
i am
going to
be
better.
2:26 PM
Sunday, February 21, 2010
♥ gamsat
i wish i had known that you could sit the gamsat in your second last year of your bachelor degree...
before the final registration closing date 10 days ago...
...
sighhh
6:43 PM
Monday, February 1, 2010
♥ feeling like giving up
the past few weeks i have constantly felt like giving up.
i keep telling people that i'm doing a bsc, majorin in psyc and applied statistics. but i really want to do med instead. and it's true. i do. but i'm starting to question it more and more... to why it's not happening, if it's really for me? and maybe there's a long way to get to it, and that's what some have told me - but maybe there's not as well?
i feel like giving up on the umat. it's less than six months away. but i signed up to medentry anyways... but i still haven't done any drills. the motivation is not there. the drive. i don't know if i can take it anymore. i just want to give up.
sometimes i even feel like giving up, in my relationship with josh. sometimes i feel like we're constantly fighting. that we lack communication. that we're both changing for the worse. and it's weird, because i tell people all the time that we're going fine, but that main issues are things like his parents... because i know how stupid our fights would sound if i were to be truthful.
i don't want people to think our relationship is not going to last. that it is fragile. stupid even. but by not opening up, i'm just keeping all the issues to myself. soon to explode.
when things go wrong at work. when i'm tired. when it's busy. when i can't take it anymore... i feel like giving up.
when i have plans and big ideas for making a difference. and i get set backs. i feel like giving up too. i tell people that they are just set backs, and just that. but to me, i know that it's not that easy.
when i look at myself and see who i am today. and who i want to become... and it seems unreachable... i feel like giving up.
it's like i'm running a race. but falling at every hurdle. falling flat on my face. every time. what's going to keep me going? after every fall? what's going to pick me up? to keep my eyes on the end? and what's going to get me to that finish line?
because there is oh so much more to go.
i've barely got pass the start... and i already feel like giving up.
12:59 AM
Sunday, December 27, 2009
♥ baby boys
i want a baby boy.
zeke
they are so cute.
cayden
*sigh*daydreams*
i can't wait til i have kids..
or should i say.. i can't wait til my brother has kids (so i can give them back to their mummy when i'm tired hehe)
Labels: children, family, family friends, future
12:42 AM
Friday, November 6, 2009
♥ post #300
it's one of those nights. the ones where i don't feel like sleeping... or rather... can't fall asleep (and yes i've tried already).
weird, considering i got less than five hours last night, so i should be ready to konk... unfortunately this is not the case.
i wish i could escape reality for a while. the reality of... my exams. the expectations that my parents have for me, or rather, the expectations i have for myself. the numerous types of chemical reactions - gignard, williamson, fischer. the night time conversation with an indifferent boyfriend. the broken shoulder bag. the annoying flies during the day. the many unanswered questions for my future.
i want to sit on the beach. and watch the sunset. without stress, worry or concern. with freedom, peace and love.
maybe i'll go do that next week.
Labels: beach, boyfriend, chemistry, exams, future, life, sleep, stress, study
1:13 AM
Saturday, October 31, 2009
♥ kleenex cottonelle
when i get married and own a house...
i will make sure the toilets/bathrooms are stocked up with kleenex cottonelle toilet paper.
unless by then they've invented something even better!
12:21 AM
Friday, October 30, 2009
♥ vodafone interview
12:30pm ~ walk into the science library 2nd floor toilets to put on foundation, mascara and eyeliner
1:10pm ~ catch the bus from uni into the city
1:36pm ~ reached mum's office. went on a hunt for the first aid box. in major need of bandaids for the horrific blisters i got from my shoes *shakes fist* i don't remember them ever being THIS bad.
1:50pm ~ take the bus from mum's office back to the city. then walk to interview place.
2:06pm ~ arrive at interview place... 24 minutes early. soo.. ate my lunch - a sandwich.
2:13pm ~ enter interview room, register, recieve I♥VF bag and 3 pen... xD also engage in a good conversation with the other lady in the room who was applying for the job, her name was melissa, and she had a canadian accent!
I thought the interview structure was pretty good. I'm not a fan of "group" interviews you see, so I was really glad when they took people out for "one-on-one" talks. It really gave me the opportunity to tell her about my past work experience and how i would be good for the job xD.
It started off with introductions. introducing the person next to you after getting to know them... Then this activity in groups of 4 where you had to arrange cards, that had customer service statements on it, in priority. The next task was like a role play between 2 people. one was the sales associate, the other was a customer. then you switched. it was very casual. Then was filling out feedback forms and the one-on-one interviews.
3:37pm ~ finished filling out feedback forms and group interview is concluded. talked to melissa on the way out and found out she was actually a vodaphone manager in Qld! But she was going for a position at SOR. phew!
4:00pm ~ reached mum's office and started going through some psyc stuff. had a debate with jordan about the scaling/difficultly of discrete maths.
4:49pm ~ recieve a call from the lady at vodaphone :) and she offered me the job. saying she has to still contact my references on monday and will call me again to confirm everything next week.
5:48pm ~ dropped by kmart on the way home because mum wanted to check something out. at this point my feet were absolutely KILLING.
anyways. in the car ride home i was thinking about how much God takes care of me... like when the lady from angus and robinson didn't call back i was a bit =[ abt it. but now looK! so much of a better job - location wise, long term prospects, $$$$$$ wise and it's actually something i know about and like!
I think as humans we will never know the endless possibilities for our future... but i know i trust in a God who's always looking out for me... and sometimes life doesn't go my way. but there's always a plan. God's plan :)
6:48 PM
Saturday, October 24, 2009
♥ windy pathways
is the naive the word i'm looking for?
i was studying social pscyhology the other day and it talked about how first impressions usually last, because if they're bad then we don't usually associate with that person anymore and also avoid the people around them.
lasting impressions. usually with someone we know well, when they say something or do something you don't like, you often let it go, because you believe you know them well enough that maybe they're just having a bad day or whatever.
but i guess people change. or rather, we continously get to know them more, and maybe it was more than just a bad day, but it's really what they think or who they are.
and maybe thats still okay. i think friendship is flexible like that. everyone changes after all.
but when it comes to relationships i think its different.
my husband and i will become one. we will share the rest of our life together.
he would need to be one who respects me, cares about, loves me and wants to be with me.
he will need to share the same values and beliefs as me...
maybe not always the same attitudes...
david asked me the other day if i thought josh was "the one".. *DADDADUMM*
and without hesitation i said yes.
technically i'm still a teenager. a teenagers naivity maybe?
i don't think a husband will treat his wife like he would have treated her when she was his girlfriend.
i'm starting to see and learn about the views josh has about marriage. and to be honest, i'm not sure if i entirely agree as such.
i'm starting to question what kind of husband he will be. and i'm not crazy. at least i think so.
but i think for now i should stop being so sure about things. so straight pathed about things. so simple minded. so naive.
kinda like medicine i rekon. i was so sure. and i thought i knew how to go about it. but the path isn't straight. its actually taken quite a few bends...
and i still don't know yet if i'd end up where i thought i would.
Labels: boyfriend, friends, future, marriage, medicine, naive, psyc, relationships
10:20 AM
Sunday, October 11, 2009
♥ my sunday
disclaimer / warning: super longggg blog entry.
i kinda hoped after two days i would stop crying about it, but when i bumped into pastor at church and he asked me if i was going back to tbc ministry and also where i've been lately, and i told him how i was in ballarat and came back sick... and then i told him i didn't get into med and yes.
grace joined in after. and gave me a hug. which was good, because pastors aren't for hugging. because that's just... awkward.
Pastor told me that if i honor the things of God, that He will honor me. that's been stuck in my mind all day.
he also told me that in the future i will look back and see how things worked out and stuff
i don't know. i guess i'm a bit confused.
grace said it was okay to be angry with God. but i'm not angry (well, yet) i'm more disappointed and confused.
you see, my boyfriend, his mother, my exbf, all sorta asked if i was going to change my goals/course. josh said something like seeking what God wants in my life, if it's something other than med. but I've always believed that IS what He wants. and what I want too! And why i'm going the long way about it, I do not know why. But there's a reason i guess, i just don't know what it is.
people like my parents, my sister, jfu... were different. they already know how much i want it. and talked abt next year, or postgrad etc. they didn't question whether i was giving up because they didn't believe i would.
don't get me wrong, i still need to seek God about my future. like pastor told me, i need to rest in Him. i need to listen.
i'm continously reminded of this section in Dreaming With God (yes mic, i did read some of it!) where ... hmm, its prob best if i directly quote.
The Blank Check
As kids, many of us dreamed about being granted one wish. Solomon got the "one wish." When God appeared to Solomon and gave him that opportunity, it forever raised the bar of our expectations in prayer. The disciples were given the same "wish," only better. Instead of one blank check, they were given an unlimited supply of blank checks. And this gift was specifically granted in the context of their friendship with God.
Surrounding their promotion to friendship, Jesus gave His disciples this amazing list of promises. Each promise was a blank check they were to live by and use throughout their lives for the expansion of the Kingdom. They are as follows:
If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you (John 15 vs 7)
You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you (John 15 vs 16)
If you ask anything in My name, I will do it (John 14 vs 14)
And in that day you will ask Me nothing. Most assuredly, I say to you, whatever you ask the Father in My name He will give you. Until now you have asked nothing in My name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full (John 16 vs 23-24)
For us to properly receive what Jesus has offered us in these verses, any robotic understanding of what it means to be a follower of God has to change. God never intended that the believer be a puppet on a string. God actually makes Himself vulnerable to the desires of His people. In fact, it can be said, "if it matters to you, it matters to Him"
While much of the Church is waiting for the next word from God, He is waiting to hear the dream of His people. He longs for us to take our role, not because He needs us, but beause He loves us.
i've always been the kinda girl who has her whole life planned out. Married at 25. First kid at 28. And hopefully another two after that, in 3 year intervals (haha, i know, i'm a freak). At the way things are looking, i won't even be graduated when i'm 25. i remember telling my lifegroup once, how it was so difficult for me, when i first found out that i didn't get into med the first time. how things weren't going the way i had planned. how much of a struggle it was to adjust and get use to the fact that things don't always go how u hoped / planned.
thats why when pastor was talking about how you can seek God for the answers for everything, except when ur asked how many kids they want, you can straight out tell you. it made me laugh, and reminds me so much of myself.
Oh yeah, i held lil zeke today! 2nd time EVER because everyone always steals him =[ and he didn't cry! ZMGSH first time he hasn't when i've held him =P. too bad i had to go cauz nat was taking me back =[ but arghhhhhh!!!!!!!! ♡♡♡ BABIESSS
On other news, i went to my bf's hse for lunch. and sigh, idk, i'm feeling more and more uncomfortable around his family. like sometimes his mum doesn't think i understand what she's saying when she speaks chinese =[ but i do get bits of it, or at least the gist of it.
so like she kept asking me try to chilli and i kept saying that i was fine. she knows i can't take chilli. and she was like 'it's not hot blahblah'... and then i think josh told her to stop asking or something (in chinese) and she was like saying back to him (in chinese) something like ~ what? so she's not going to eat it for the rest of her life?.................
and then she found out i couldn't swim and told me to go join adult vacswim classes (like actually told me in english!) .........................
she even told josh (in chinese) i eat like a kid because my plate was so 'far away' from me.................
she makes me feel really stupid.
maybe she's trying to joke half the time, but okay, i get it, i suck, and ur son is awesome, because i can't speak chinese, eat chilli / hot stuff, play an instrument / piano, can't swim, and i can't get into med... and he can do all those things and more.... -.-"
sigh, i am tryingggggggggggg to give her a break. josh always tells me to not let me preconcieved ideas affect how i see her. but you know, its pretty difficult... i don't really agree with a lot of her ideas on education and stuff. but yeah i don't say anything, of course. but i fear conflict when we get married and have kids.
it's okay. mother in laws are meant to be difficult right? but she's not even my mother in law yet!
ahh, the difficulties of dating the first born son of an asian family. i think i shall just avoid his parents for a while. because tbh, it just makes me feel inadequate and fustrated =[
Went for familyy dinner tonight. Peking duck (yum!) + Fried squid tenticles + Seafood Ho Fun with Egg Sauce.
I think my sister is feeling slightly guilty because this morning she found out i broke the glass cup in the bathroom and told me how she wouldn't trust me with her things let alone someone's life as a doctor. And i was like "well it doesn't matter because i didn't get in anyways" and she was something like "yeah but you break everything" and i was like "well i've still got a while to learn to be more careful" then 5 minutes later she was like "oh did you mean you didn't get in for next year?!" and i was like "yeahhh". ahaha, so in the car she was talking to me about it and at dinner she said she wants to take me to some new tea place she found to 'cheer me up'.
I forgot to take my breakfast this morning. Yes, my mum makes me breakfast (even on sundays) and leaves them in the oven. Must be more aware and remember to take it, because she puts in the effort every morning =[. sometimes i don't even eat the lunch she makes =[, and she wakes up early to make it. sigh. i'm so bad.
i love my family.
i love my friends.
i love my boyfriend.
i love God!
Labels: boyfriend, breakfast, family, future, God, life, marriage, medicine, parents, sister, sunday sermon
11:03 PM
Sunday, September 6, 2009
♥ random thoughts
- i don't like it when he wants me to look a certain way. i've accepted the way he dresses, and he should do the same for me. plus i dont even think i'm that bad =(
- i don't like it when he watches movies until late at night, and i end up staying up just waiting for him, then end up sleeping really late.
- it makes me cry when i hear the pastor telling the their fathers to use the oil to annoint their children tonight... knowing that my father won't be doing that for me.
- but i can pray that one day he will... and that my future husband will walk in the truth of God's love and grace... alongside me.
- i wish i was stronger.
- today i was challenged to pray for my sister, not just by myself, but actually pray over her, with her. the difficulty of that is very great. for those who know how much my sister and i get along. my faith will be tested.
- it feels good when he actually acknowledges how i look. it shows he takes notice.
- he messaged my dad happy fathers day via sms...... before i even woke up and had the chance to say it to him first.
- i am blessed to have a mother, who despite her circumstances, remains full of faith and love.
- mum annointed us with the oil after lunch.
- she's also told me she was going to do it again tonight for my sister and her ear infection. i think God knew i was scared/nervous >.<>
- today i also shook my bf's parents hands. when i think abt it, its kinda weird. i shake hands with official people at competitions and stuff. not really my friends parents, let alone my bf's parents. i like how i make him hug my mum when she gives him stuff. my mum's a kinda huggy person, or has become so over the past few yrs, it makes our family more closer i reckon. will have to say something when she gives him the chinese chess set, so that they hug again. hehe.
- i am still deciding if i should alter all my jeans. i think so far, definitely my flares, bootleg and those pair of wide pants (because u can't really wear them otherwise). but for the skinnys....... they're just going to remain inside my boots, and for my straights, i want to be able to wear them with both heels and flats... hence shortening them would still mean i would have to fold them in/up for flats.
- i washed the dishes. and am in the process of taking in my clothes. geez i am being a good daughter today, better appreciate it while it lasts mum/dad!
- gonna get into some chemistry today. had lots of fun the past two days. but its time to hit the books. chem midsem in a week!
- not having my dad going to church, really makes me want a husband who i know won't go down that path. but then again, i'm sure my mother didn't foresee it when she was getting married.
- i need to start praying for him more consistently.
Labels: boyfriend, church, exams, faith, father's day, future, God, grace, love, parents, prayer, uni
12:35 PM
Thursday, May 14, 2009
♥ hate.
hate is such a strong word. really =/...
but sometimes i say it without realizing it.. e.g. "eww i hatee thattt"
today my mum brought up the topic of this fall out, i had with an old friend years ago... we're talking like year 4 or 5 or something...
she was telling me how i had told this girl 'not to listen to her parents'... and she told her mum. and then her mum told the school and they called my mum.. etc etc (zzzz.. long story man)
but i was surprised with the new info she gave - that mother of that old friend had called the school to ask that i not be placed in the same year 7 class as her.
like woah =/ was i really that bad of an influence?
anyways. the way I remember it though, is that... i dont remember telling that girl not to listen to her parents. but i do remember telling her that i hated mine.
i remember something along the lines of having a fight with my parents, and i was really angry at them. i went to her house. and i remember sitting on her bed (im pretty sure it was a bunk bed) and i remember telling her how i hated my parents.
and when this whole thing blew up (school got contacted etc and my mother got called up) i remember my mum telling me off because she was told by the school that i told that girl not to listen to her parents. and i remember telling her that i didn't say that. but not being able to explain or say what i really did say... i couldn't bring myself to say to her, that i actually had said that i hated her.
so today i explained to my mother the real story (or what i percieved as the real story). and it was really hard. how do you tell your mother that you once said that you hated her... oh how i was such a silly kid.
but i think i've realized that... when we are young. when we are kids. we don't understand sometimes. we think we do. but really we don't.
you know. it was really hard telling my mum the real story. like really hard. to tell her that i once verbally stated that i hated her.
not long ago, i think it was mother's day. i blogged about how my child would hurt me one day. but i would still love them unconditionally. i wonder how i will feel... when my child tells me they hate me. i know they wouldn't mean it. i know that they're too young to understand. but it would still hurt.
hate. it's such a harsh word.
but sometimes i say it without realizing it.. e.g. "eww i hatee thattt"
today my mum brought up the topic of this fall out, i had with an old friend years ago... we're talking like year 4 or 5 or something...
she was telling me how i had told this girl 'not to listen to her parents'... and she told her mum. and then her mum told the school and they called my mum.. etc etc (zzzz.. long story man)
but i was surprised with the new info she gave - that mother of that old friend had called the school to ask that i not be placed in the same year 7 class as her.
like woah =/ was i really that bad of an influence?
anyways. the way I remember it though, is that... i dont remember telling that girl not to listen to her parents. but i do remember telling her that i hated mine.
i remember something along the lines of having a fight with my parents, and i was really angry at them. i went to her house. and i remember sitting on her bed (im pretty sure it was a bunk bed) and i remember telling her how i hated my parents.
and when this whole thing blew up (school got contacted etc and my mother got called up) i remember my mum telling me off because she was told by the school that i told that girl not to listen to her parents. and i remember telling her that i didn't say that. but not being able to explain or say what i really did say... i couldn't bring myself to say to her, that i actually had said that i hated her.
so today i explained to my mother the real story (or what i percieved as the real story). and it was really hard. how do you tell your mother that you once said that you hated her... oh how i was such a silly kid.
but i think i've realized that... when we are young. when we are kids. we don't understand sometimes. we think we do. but really we don't.
you know. it was really hard telling my mum the real story. like really hard. to tell her that i once verbally stated that i hated her.
not long ago, i think it was mother's day. i blogged about how my child would hurt me one day. but i would still love them unconditionally. i wonder how i will feel... when my child tells me they hate me. i know they wouldn't mean it. i know that they're too young to understand. but it would still hurt.
hate. it's such a harsh word.
Labels: children, family, friends, future, hate, love, pain, parents, relationships
6:33 PM
Sunday, May 10, 2009
♥ a mother's love
today is mother's day.
despite having lots of uni work and assignments to do, we did have family lunch together. excluding my sister of course, who's in europe.
i think i will never be able to express how fortunate i am to have my mother... as much as i may try through my cards or costly gifts... it will never sum up the love she has given me all these years.
as i enter adulthood. yes. im 18 now. it doesn't mean that i leave my parents. yes, i have more responsibility as legally i am no longer a child... but my parents are still a big part of my life.
and they will continue to be. until i get married. and become a mother myself.
i will struggle as all mothers do. i will love my child unconditionally, as my mother loves me. i will sacrifice things for my child... teach my child... pray for my child... sing to my child (oh i hope he/she doesnt cry when i do).... hug my child... protect my child.
but there will be times where i will see my child get hurt. where i have to correct my child. where i may even shout or yell at my child. times where i will fight with my child. times where he/she will break my heart... times where they will disappoint me. hurt me. hate me.
but i will love them unconditionally.
because thats a mother's love.
despite having lots of uni work and assignments to do, we did have family lunch together. excluding my sister of course, who's in europe.
i think i will never be able to express how fortunate i am to have my mother... as much as i may try through my cards or costly gifts... it will never sum up the love she has given me all these years.
as i enter adulthood. yes. im 18 now. it doesn't mean that i leave my parents. yes, i have more responsibility as legally i am no longer a child... but my parents are still a big part of my life.
and they will continue to be. until i get married. and become a mother myself.
i will struggle as all mothers do. i will love my child unconditionally, as my mother loves me. i will sacrifice things for my child... teach my child... pray for my child... sing to my child (oh i hope he/she doesnt cry when i do).... hug my child... protect my child.
but there will be times where i will see my child get hurt. where i have to correct my child. where i may even shout or yell at my child. times where i will fight with my child. times where he/she will break my heart... times where they will disappoint me. hurt me. hate me.
but i will love them unconditionally.
because thats a mother's love.
Labels: assignments, children, family, future, love, mother's day, parents, uni
10:39 PM
Saturday, May 2, 2009
♥ b g r
yesterday was the bgr session at church.
it was good. got many questions answered. but i guess some of the answers were not what i wanted to hear, but it was what i needed to hear.
man i realized i am somewhat naive!
i think one of the things that struct me the most was that sexual purity does not only equal virginity. i began to understand this thing about this slide... and it scared me that i was already on that slide and going down it. hmmm... sexual immorality... it isnt just sex.
sexual gratification by ur husband in the context of marriage.
i dont know how many times grace repeated that. haha. but it stuck. and made me think.
so as we striveeee towards sexual purity. we need to set our boundaries higher. we've realized that the boundaries we did set, were too low.
i think an important thing i picked up was "dancing around our boundaries" its not so much setting the boundaries and sticking to them, but that we always find ways to "dance" around them. to find other ways to muck around. and i think that applied so directly to us. so rather than just setting boundaries, we both need to work on striving for sexual purity, rather than just "followin the rules"
One part of the session used the analogy of pieces of sticky paper. as you begin a relationship, your piece of paper begins to stick onto the other piece of paper. the more your together, the harder it is to pull away - and also you might leave tears, you might have a piece of that other piece of paper stuck on you, you might not be as sticky anymore. I like this analogy. I think if i truely understood it when i was so much younger... I would have avoided much heartbreak. I think also, that i understand how much someone's past can effect you. How important it is to keep yourself, for your husband. It is so hard for your partner to understand and let go of your past, when u've given a part of urself to someone else. Thats not to say that it wouldn't work out - but its much more unnecessary strain on ur relationship.
This brings me back to a post i wrote a while ago. about a friend who had this perception of having agesssssss until they wanted to get married, and they just wanted to date for fun. I remember telling him that the pain wasn't worth it. That there was simply no point. Even though you think you can handle it - and that it won't effect you, you don't know how much it'd effect someone else. I think if i talked to him again about this topic... i would bring up this analogy. I'd ask him to think about his future spouse. How she would handle it, and the strain it'd have on their relationship. And when it comes to the "tears" and the "unstickyness" and the "having a piece of the other paper stuck to you".... i dont think it just refers to the physically aspect "e.g. you lost your first kisss... or you lose your virginity"... but i guess there's just as much emotional aspects to it too. I wish i had learnt this at a younger age... but i think even if someone told me, I wouldn't have listened much, because i was young. i guess i still am, and i have lots to learn.
The wait. I think this was another thing that caught my mind. The wait.... how difficult it would be. how much we would struggle. The test of time. It never occured to me how difficult it would be. again, naive much? but you know, i believe it's going to be okay. that it will be hard, but we're going to get there. i guess im just saying that, i actually realize the difficultness that will present itself after a few years. but i dont believe that we can't get through it.
God, we want our relationship to be good in Your eyes... We want it to be pure. We want to honour You in and through our relationship. We want people to see us together, and see the love you have for us. To see the love that you gave us, that we may love each other. Teach us to discern what is from you, and what is from the world. God, you are the center of our relationship, and i pray that as we grow closer to one another, we also grow closer to you, like a triangle, a three way relationship, where the closer each edge gets to each other, the smaller the triangle gets, bringing all edges closer together. Help us be strong God...mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. God, continue to reveal to us your planss... show us that we're on the right track, and warn us when we're not. Teach us to be patient. to be wise. to be pure. In Jesus name, Amen.
it was good. got many questions answered. but i guess some of the answers were not what i wanted to hear, but it was what i needed to hear.
man i realized i am somewhat naive!
i think one of the things that struct me the most was that sexual purity does not only equal virginity. i began to understand this thing about this slide... and it scared me that i was already on that slide and going down it. hmmm... sexual immorality... it isnt just sex.
sexual gratification by ur husband in the context of marriage.
i dont know how many times grace repeated that. haha. but it stuck. and made me think.
so as we striveeee towards sexual purity. we need to set our boundaries higher. we've realized that the boundaries we did set, were too low.
i think an important thing i picked up was "dancing around our boundaries" its not so much setting the boundaries and sticking to them, but that we always find ways to "dance" around them. to find other ways to muck around. and i think that applied so directly to us. so rather than just setting boundaries, we both need to work on striving for sexual purity, rather than just "followin the rules"
One part of the session used the analogy of pieces of sticky paper. as you begin a relationship, your piece of paper begins to stick onto the other piece of paper. the more your together, the harder it is to pull away - and also you might leave tears, you might have a piece of that other piece of paper stuck on you, you might not be as sticky anymore. I like this analogy. I think if i truely understood it when i was so much younger... I would have avoided much heartbreak. I think also, that i understand how much someone's past can effect you. How important it is to keep yourself, for your husband. It is so hard for your partner to understand and let go of your past, when u've given a part of urself to someone else. Thats not to say that it wouldn't work out - but its much more unnecessary strain on ur relationship.
This brings me back to a post i wrote a while ago. about a friend who had this perception of having agesssssss until they wanted to get married, and they just wanted to date for fun. I remember telling him that the pain wasn't worth it. That there was simply no point. Even though you think you can handle it - and that it won't effect you, you don't know how much it'd effect someone else. I think if i talked to him again about this topic... i would bring up this analogy. I'd ask him to think about his future spouse. How she would handle it, and the strain it'd have on their relationship. And when it comes to the "tears" and the "unstickyness" and the "having a piece of the other paper stuck to you".... i dont think it just refers to the physically aspect "e.g. you lost your first kisss... or you lose your virginity"... but i guess there's just as much emotional aspects to it too. I wish i had learnt this at a younger age... but i think even if someone told me, I wouldn't have listened much, because i was young. i guess i still am, and i have lots to learn.
The wait. I think this was another thing that caught my mind. The wait.... how difficult it would be. how much we would struggle. The test of time. It never occured to me how difficult it would be. again, naive much? but you know, i believe it's going to be okay. that it will be hard, but we're going to get there. i guess im just saying that, i actually realize the difficultness that will present itself after a few years. but i dont believe that we can't get through it.
God, we want our relationship to be good in Your eyes... We want it to be pure. We want to honour You in and through our relationship. We want people to see us together, and see the love you have for us. To see the love that you gave us, that we may love each other. Teach us to discern what is from you, and what is from the world. God, you are the center of our relationship, and i pray that as we grow closer to one another, we also grow closer to you, like a triangle, a three way relationship, where the closer each edge gets to each other, the smaller the triangle gets, bringing all edges closer together. Help us be strong God...mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. God, continue to reveal to us your planss... show us that we're on the right track, and warn us when we're not. Teach us to be patient. to be wise. to be pure. In Jesus name, Amen.
Labels: bgr, boyfriend, church, future, God, life, marriage, prayer, relationships, sex
10:44 AM
Saturday, March 14, 2009
♥ i [heart] weddings
i love going to weddings
they're always so romantic and pretty and sweeeeeet.
seeing a couple come together to be 'one'.... not to mention being all dressed up and looking good.
today i went to a wedding. it was more simple than others ive been to. but it was sweet. because i knew both the bride and the groom... and they were definately made for each other <3.
people often call me crazy, when i tell them that im going to get married at 25. im going to have my first kid when im 28. pretty organised huh? i put it into a sorta perspective where i actually have control of those things. and yes, maybe i do to some extent. but essentially my future lies in what God has planned for me.
people also call me crazy because i collect baby shoes. yeah? didnt u know that? they're super cute. i've got nikes and adidas... even ralph lauren ones that i got for my bday... xD its because family's so important to me. marriage is so important to me! i want kids! definately!
i guess u could say that i know what i want. and maybe i think too much about the future. haha.
sigh! can't wait.
hehe. he's jealous of crab... =)
they're always so romantic and pretty and sweeeeeet.
seeing a couple come together to be 'one'.... not to mention being all dressed up and looking good.
today i went to a wedding. it was more simple than others ive been to. but it was sweet. because i knew both the bride and the groom... and they were definately made for each other <3.
people often call me crazy, when i tell them that im going to get married at 25. im going to have my first kid when im 28. pretty organised huh? i put it into a sorta perspective where i actually have control of those things. and yes, maybe i do to some extent. but essentially my future lies in what God has planned for me.
people also call me crazy because i collect baby shoes. yeah? didnt u know that? they're super cute. i've got nikes and adidas... even ralph lauren ones that i got for my bday... xD its because family's so important to me. marriage is so important to me! i want kids! definately!
i guess u could say that i know what i want. and maybe i think too much about the future. haha.
sigh! can't wait.
hehe. he's jealous of crab... =)
Labels: baby shoes, boyfriend, future, love, relationships, weddings
8:15 PM
