Well, my sister got admitted to the court today.

Yes, she is not just a law graduate, but actually a 'real' lawyer.

It was a really hectic day. Oh and the night before she literally went through my mum and grandmother's wardrobe dictating what they could and could not wear...

I was meant to work in the afternoon but I ended up calling and taking it off because it was just way too rushed.

At night, we had lifegroup, last one for the year! And it was really awesome.

We all reflected on the past year and shared with each other. And we opened up these question sheets we had filled in at the beginning of the year. At first I was quite hesitant to read mind, because from what I had remembered writing, I had failed to pull through on...

But in the end it was actually pretty cool. I read through mine and some things were still the same.. others had changed. It was really cool. Because it got me thinking about a lot of things.

On that question sheet, I wrote about how lost I felt, how confused and how hurt I was about the whole medicine thing. But I think over the past year I've started to catch glimpses of that bigger picture. Being able to look back and see a blessing in disguise.

I'll post my testimoney another day. And more reflection stuff as the new year comes into play.

In the meantime, I think I have a letter to write.

after about 15 months of blogging, and #346 posts, two blog addresses...

i am amazed i've kept up with it. i'm usually not that great with maintaining things like this.

came up in a conversation today. blogging that is.

kinda got me questioning why i blog in the first place.

here's some dot points ;)

i think for me, it's mainly keeping track of events, thoughts, opinions, feelings... just then i was flicking through some old posts, and it brings back memories. it also makes me think of then, and now, and to reflect on that.

i must say though. i am amazed at how many people read my blog. most of the time i think i'm only writing to two or three people... but then every so often i find out one other person is reading it too. it's kinda cool :)

so... now i question you... why do you READ my blog? haha.

maybe i haven't been myself lately. but what defines 'me'?

i have always been that girl immersed in a large amount of extra curricular activities.

the girl who gets along with (most) her teachers and (most) of her friend's parents.

a control freak even. definately bossy. and a perfectionist or at least, strives to be.

independent... has been something i've always thought i was.

and failure is definately not something i find easy to deal with.

so what has my life amounted too in the past year? what did i accomplish in 2009?

well to be honest, i didn't do that much last year.. compared to previous years. but lets just focus on last year.

in 2009, i was a UWA first year bachelor of science student. a UMAT candidate. a facebooker. a zonta conference guest speaker. a YOTY on national tour. a superviser at reddot. a new casual at vodafone. a welcomer at church. a part of a lifegroup. a daughter. a sister. a girlfriend and a friend.

i look at that list of things and i feel like i have failed a greater part of them. as a student, i didn't score as well as i could have. as a umat candidate, i could have always done more. as a facebooker, i didn't spend my time well. as a conference guest speaker, i rushed writing my speech the night before. as a yoty, i've lost that closeness because i haven't kept in contact with them through the year. as a supervisor, i have been bossy and demanding. as a new casual, i have been careless and slow. as a welcomer, i have been lazy and unwilling. as part of a lifegroup, i could have contributed more. as a daughter, i have been rude, disrespectful and unhelpful. as a sister, i have been selfish, annoying and unfriendly. as a girlfriend, i have been insensitive, attachy and stubborn. as a friend, i have been neglectful, unhelpful and not there, when i should have been.

it's kinda sad because, i tell people that i stopped doing a lot of things last year because i wanted to focus on the umat, i wanted to focus on persuing my dreams. but even with that, i am not where i thought i would be. not where i want to be.

so yes, to me, 2009 was not my year. in fact, it was very much a year of failure for me. i believe i've failed to not only be where i want to be, but also to be who i want to be.

i want to be a good student. a person who makes a difference in their community. a hard worker. a helpful daughter. a friendly sister. a loving girlfriend. a trustworthy friend.

and most of all, i want to be one who trusts in God when the future looks dim. who relies on God through every obstacle. who shines God's love in every environment. who stands strong in Christ, when troubles come. who rests in Christ, when things get busy. who is full of the joy of the Lord (haha, JBBM!) when things don't go my way.

and that is the person i want to be.