Monday, February 1, 2010
♥ feeling like giving up
the past few weeks i have constantly felt like giving up.
i keep telling people that i'm doing a bsc, majorin in psyc and applied statistics. but i really want to do med instead. and it's true. i do. but i'm starting to question it more and more... to why it's not happening, if it's really for me? and maybe there's a long way to get to it, and that's what some have told me - but maybe there's not as well?
i feel like giving up on the umat. it's less than six months away. but i signed up to medentry anyways... but i still haven't done any drills. the motivation is not there. the drive. i don't know if i can take it anymore. i just want to give up.
sometimes i even feel like giving up, in my relationship with josh. sometimes i feel like we're constantly fighting. that we lack communication. that we're both changing for the worse. and it's weird, because i tell people all the time that we're going fine, but that main issues are things like his parents... because i know how stupid our fights would sound if i were to be truthful.
i don't want people to think our relationship is not going to last. that it is fragile. stupid even. but by not opening up, i'm just keeping all the issues to myself. soon to explode.
when things go wrong at work. when i'm tired. when it's busy. when i can't take it anymore... i feel like giving up.
when i have plans and big ideas for making a difference. and i get set backs. i feel like giving up too. i tell people that they are just set backs, and just that. but to me, i know that it's not that easy.
when i look at myself and see who i am today. and who i want to become... and it seems unreachable... i feel like giving up.
it's like i'm running a race. but falling at every hurdle. falling flat on my face. every time. what's going to keep me going? after every fall? what's going to pick me up? to keep my eyes on the end? and what's going to get me to that finish line?
because there is oh so much more to go.
i've barely got pass the start... and i already feel like giving up.
12:59 AM
