Saturday, May 2, 2009
♥ b g r
yesterday was the bgr session at church.
it was good. got many questions answered. but i guess some of the answers were not what i wanted to hear, but it was what i needed to hear.
man i realized i am somewhat naive!
i think one of the things that struct me the most was that sexual purity does not only equal virginity. i began to understand this thing about this slide... and it scared me that i was already on that slide and going down it. hmmm... sexual immorality... it isnt just sex.
sexual gratification by ur husband in the context of marriage.
i dont know how many times grace repeated that. haha. but it stuck. and made me think.
so as we striveeee towards sexual purity. we need to set our boundaries higher. we've realized that the boundaries we did set, were too low.
i think an important thing i picked up was "dancing around our boundaries" its not so much setting the boundaries and sticking to them, but that we always find ways to "dance" around them. to find other ways to muck around. and i think that applied so directly to us. so rather than just setting boundaries, we both need to work on striving for sexual purity, rather than just "followin the rules"
One part of the session used the analogy of pieces of sticky paper. as you begin a relationship, your piece of paper begins to stick onto the other piece of paper. the more your together, the harder it is to pull away - and also you might leave tears, you might have a piece of that other piece of paper stuck on you, you might not be as sticky anymore. I like this analogy. I think if i truely understood it when i was so much younger... I would have avoided much heartbreak. I think also, that i understand how much someone's past can effect you. How important it is to keep yourself, for your husband. It is so hard for your partner to understand and let go of your past, when u've given a part of urself to someone else. Thats not to say that it wouldn't work out - but its much more unnecessary strain on ur relationship.
This brings me back to a post i wrote a while ago. about a friend who had this perception of having agesssssss until they wanted to get married, and they just wanted to date for fun. I remember telling him that the pain wasn't worth it. That there was simply no point. Even though you think you can handle it - and that it won't effect you, you don't know how much it'd effect someone else. I think if i talked to him again about this topic... i would bring up this analogy. I'd ask him to think about his future spouse. How she would handle it, and the strain it'd have on their relationship. And when it comes to the "tears" and the "unstickyness" and the "having a piece of the other paper stuck to you".... i dont think it just refers to the physically aspect "e.g. you lost your first kisss... or you lose your virginity"... but i guess there's just as much emotional aspects to it too. I wish i had learnt this at a younger age... but i think even if someone told me, I wouldn't have listened much, because i was young. i guess i still am, and i have lots to learn.
The wait. I think this was another thing that caught my mind. The wait.... how difficult it would be. how much we would struggle. The test of time. It never occured to me how difficult it would be. again, naive much? but you know, i believe it's going to be okay. that it will be hard, but we're going to get there. i guess im just saying that, i actually realize the difficultness that will present itself after a few years. but i dont believe that we can't get through it.
God, we want our relationship to be good in Your eyes... We want it to be pure. We want to honour You in and through our relationship. We want people to see us together, and see the love you have for us. To see the love that you gave us, that we may love each other. Teach us to discern what is from you, and what is from the world. God, you are the center of our relationship, and i pray that as we grow closer to one another, we also grow closer to you, like a triangle, a three way relationship, where the closer each edge gets to each other, the smaller the triangle gets, bringing all edges closer together. Help us be strong God...mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. God, continue to reveal to us your planss... show us that we're on the right track, and warn us when we're not. Teach us to be patient. to be wise. to be pure. In Jesus name, Amen.
it was good. got many questions answered. but i guess some of the answers were not what i wanted to hear, but it was what i needed to hear.
man i realized i am somewhat naive!
i think one of the things that struct me the most was that sexual purity does not only equal virginity. i began to understand this thing about this slide... and it scared me that i was already on that slide and going down it. hmmm... sexual immorality... it isnt just sex.
sexual gratification by ur husband in the context of marriage.
i dont know how many times grace repeated that. haha. but it stuck. and made me think.
so as we striveeee towards sexual purity. we need to set our boundaries higher. we've realized that the boundaries we did set, were too low.
i think an important thing i picked up was "dancing around our boundaries" its not so much setting the boundaries and sticking to them, but that we always find ways to "dance" around them. to find other ways to muck around. and i think that applied so directly to us. so rather than just setting boundaries, we both need to work on striving for sexual purity, rather than just "followin the rules"
One part of the session used the analogy of pieces of sticky paper. as you begin a relationship, your piece of paper begins to stick onto the other piece of paper. the more your together, the harder it is to pull away - and also you might leave tears, you might have a piece of that other piece of paper stuck on you, you might not be as sticky anymore. I like this analogy. I think if i truely understood it when i was so much younger... I would have avoided much heartbreak. I think also, that i understand how much someone's past can effect you. How important it is to keep yourself, for your husband. It is so hard for your partner to understand and let go of your past, when u've given a part of urself to someone else. Thats not to say that it wouldn't work out - but its much more unnecessary strain on ur relationship.
This brings me back to a post i wrote a while ago. about a friend who had this perception of having agesssssss until they wanted to get married, and they just wanted to date for fun. I remember telling him that the pain wasn't worth it. That there was simply no point. Even though you think you can handle it - and that it won't effect you, you don't know how much it'd effect someone else. I think if i talked to him again about this topic... i would bring up this analogy. I'd ask him to think about his future spouse. How she would handle it, and the strain it'd have on their relationship. And when it comes to the "tears" and the "unstickyness" and the "having a piece of the other paper stuck to you".... i dont think it just refers to the physically aspect "e.g. you lost your first kisss... or you lose your virginity"... but i guess there's just as much emotional aspects to it too. I wish i had learnt this at a younger age... but i think even if someone told me, I wouldn't have listened much, because i was young. i guess i still am, and i have lots to learn.
The wait. I think this was another thing that caught my mind. The wait.... how difficult it would be. how much we would struggle. The test of time. It never occured to me how difficult it would be. again, naive much? but you know, i believe it's going to be okay. that it will be hard, but we're going to get there. i guess im just saying that, i actually realize the difficultness that will present itself after a few years. but i dont believe that we can't get through it.
God, we want our relationship to be good in Your eyes... We want it to be pure. We want to honour You in and through our relationship. We want people to see us together, and see the love you have for us. To see the love that you gave us, that we may love each other. Teach us to discern what is from you, and what is from the world. God, you are the center of our relationship, and i pray that as we grow closer to one another, we also grow closer to you, like a triangle, a three way relationship, where the closer each edge gets to each other, the smaller the triangle gets, bringing all edges closer together. Help us be strong God...mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. God, continue to reveal to us your planss... show us that we're on the right track, and warn us when we're not. Teach us to be patient. to be wise. to be pure. In Jesus name, Amen.
Labels: bgr, boyfriend, church, future, God, life, marriage, prayer, relationships, sex
10:44 AM
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
♥ a teenager's world
rules were made to be broken.
thats what the world says.
i know that its a lie though.
so i woke up this morning, remembering a book that uncle dennis lent to me like 4 years ago O__O.. he was passing it around the tbcers. chris started with it. and he wrote like a review / note in it. and then next was me. its just, i never got around to reading it ^^" and 4 yrs down the track, i still have it sitting in my room (doh~!)
so i found it today. it's called "life. sex. and everything inbetween". (yes.. the title is so off putting that probably why i never read it haha)
but i brought it around with me today and read bits here and there. yeah, josh pointed out its aimed for like 13yo... which is probably true, most of it is pretty straightforward.
dont' have sex blahblah, purity blahblah... it sorta comes in a structure where there's a teen writing to the writer, and the guy writes back.
some of it is really good though. there was stories on pregnancy, abortions, virginity etc... touchy stuff. but real issues for teens now a days. i like reading about people's issues. guess psyc is good for me haha.
but parts of it brought up good points to. relationship wise too. many of which i pointed out to josh, although we knew it all already, i guess its good to be like "look! we're on the right track" or "maybe we should work on this..."
i sorta realized how the world would throw stuff at us! for example. sex is okay! just use protection. one night stands are okay. getting drunk etc etc. it's crazy. what the world of teenagers are like. as i turn 18 in a month or so, i guess im glad that i'm no longer under all that highschool pressure and the world that exist.
but also i guess i was very grounded throughout highschool. i stood very firmly in my values, morals, beliefs.
but some people fall into the pressure... the world that exists. reading about it in the book, i guess its good because it made me realize there's always help available. and there's always answers.
one thing that really struct me, was the amount of teenagers who were scared of their parents. thinking they would kill them if they found out if they were pregnant. and how they wanted to go through an abortion without them knowing. i think one point the writer brought up was how hard it is. abortion that is. and how if u were the mother. u would want ur daughter to come to u. u wouldn't want ur daughter to go through that alone. u wouldn't even want ur daughter have to face that choice.
u know, i think i've come to the age, where i realize how vital my parents are in my life. i realized how silly i was to be so scared of them when i was younger (it was the expectation thing - i couldn't handle not meeting their expectations). i've realized how stupid it is to lie to them. to do things behind their back. i've gotten the point where i want to be honest with them - where i'm not afraid of telling them things. and i think they've gotten the point where they realize i'm mature enough to make decisions, and that they can trust me.
haha. i still remember when i first told my parents about a boyfriend. it was really hard. i had lied previously about another boy i had dated. i kept it from them. but i remember telling them about this boy. it actually wasn't too bad.
parents are protective. they have high expectations. but they also love you.
when i have a child, i want them to not be afraid of me. i want them to feel like they can come to me - about anything. that i am approachable. and that they can always talk to me, about anything... and i will still always love them.
i think parents use a scare tatic because it helps with growing up. sure, i wouldn't have done that well if i didn't have my parents pressuring me... or having a high expectation.
i guess it just got to the point where i couldn't reach it - and i brokedown. but thats a different story ;)
i hope i'm a good mother when i grow up.
thats what the world says.
i know that its a lie though.
so i woke up this morning, remembering a book that uncle dennis lent to me like 4 years ago O__O.. he was passing it around the tbcers. chris started with it. and he wrote like a review / note in it. and then next was me. its just, i never got around to reading it ^^" and 4 yrs down the track, i still have it sitting in my room (doh~!)
so i found it today. it's called "life. sex. and everything inbetween". (yes.. the title is so off putting that probably why i never read it haha)
but i brought it around with me today and read bits here and there. yeah, josh pointed out its aimed for like 13yo... which is probably true, most of it is pretty straightforward.
dont' have sex blahblah, purity blahblah... it sorta comes in a structure where there's a teen writing to the writer, and the guy writes back.
some of it is really good though. there was stories on pregnancy, abortions, virginity etc... touchy stuff. but real issues for teens now a days. i like reading about people's issues. guess psyc is good for me haha.
but parts of it brought up good points to. relationship wise too. many of which i pointed out to josh, although we knew it all already, i guess its good to be like "look! we're on the right track" or "maybe we should work on this..."
i sorta realized how the world would throw stuff at us! for example. sex is okay! just use protection. one night stands are okay. getting drunk etc etc. it's crazy. what the world of teenagers are like. as i turn 18 in a month or so, i guess im glad that i'm no longer under all that highschool pressure and the world that exist.
but also i guess i was very grounded throughout highschool. i stood very firmly in my values, morals, beliefs.
but some people fall into the pressure... the world that exists. reading about it in the book, i guess its good because it made me realize there's always help available. and there's always answers.
one thing that really struct me, was the amount of teenagers who were scared of their parents. thinking they would kill them if they found out if they were pregnant. and how they wanted to go through an abortion without them knowing. i think one point the writer brought up was how hard it is. abortion that is. and how if u were the mother. u would want ur daughter to come to u. u wouldn't want ur daughter to go through that alone. u wouldn't even want ur daughter have to face that choice.
u know, i think i've come to the age, where i realize how vital my parents are in my life. i realized how silly i was to be so scared of them when i was younger (it was the expectation thing - i couldn't handle not meeting their expectations). i've realized how stupid it is to lie to them. to do things behind their back. i've gotten the point where i want to be honest with them - where i'm not afraid of telling them things. and i think they've gotten the point where they realize i'm mature enough to make decisions, and that they can trust me.
haha. i still remember when i first told my parents about a boyfriend. it was really hard. i had lied previously about another boy i had dated. i kept it from them. but i remember telling them about this boy. it actually wasn't too bad.
parents are protective. they have high expectations. but they also love you.
when i have a child, i want them to not be afraid of me. i want them to feel like they can come to me - about anything. that i am approachable. and that they can always talk to me, about anything... and i will still always love them.
i think parents use a scare tatic because it helps with growing up. sure, i wouldn't have done that well if i didn't have my parents pressuring me... or having a high expectation.
i guess it just got to the point where i couldn't reach it - and i brokedown. but thats a different story ;)
i hope i'm a good mother when i grow up.
Labels: abortion, boyfriend, family, love, parents, relationships, sex
10:55 PM
Thursday, March 26, 2009
♥ anth assignment & sex before marriage
So my anthropology assignment is due in less than 20 hours . . .
I'm currently eating rice (with sauce - man rice with that sauce thing - not soyasauce but the sauce u get when buying cooked meat from asian places) cucumber and duck (<3>
I just finished working 5:30 - 9pm. And i basically spent most of the day out of the house.
I guess u could say i was feeling pretty cruddy in the mid afternoon today.
My assignment wasn't close to being completed. My boyfriend was disappointed in me. The worry and stress was starting to build up. I started to realize that if it's med that I'm aiming for - I'm definately not acting like it.
I'm really blessed to have a boyfriend who looks out for me. Even though I get annoyed at him at times... maybe because he sometimes acts like my parents - on my back about this and that. But i know its because he cares. genuinely cares for me. He helps me. Worries for me. Looks out for me. Thinks for me. But most of all, he prays for me... especially because i dont like to ask to be prayed for... i dont like to trouble people i guess.
other than that.. this is whats on my mind. and i must blog abt it before i start my assignment.
a friend of mine... "friend"... more like class mate... she use to go to my school. she had her ultrasound pictures up on facebook. she was 3 months in! its a boy. yeah, she's 17yo, but i admire her for keeping the baby. it makes me happy to know she kept it. well she was happy in a relationship with her bf (father of the baby)... until today =/ she changed her relationship status to single and had this massive 'bitch' in her status =/.
It made me sad to know, that she may be bringing up this child without the father. But i guess u could say it made me think... think about relationships. kids. sex before marriage.
I find it really good how i can talk openly to my boyfriend about these things. How we share the same values, morals and beliefs. How we value and respect each other, and each other's bodies. How we seek deeper meaning in a relationship, rather than just the physical aspect.
I really hope that "friend" works things out. That she has a safe pregnancy. That the father of her son, will be there to support her - and not just financially, but physically, mentally and emotionally.
I thank God that I'm blessed with a boyfriend who supports me... looks out for me... cares for me... shares with me... worries for me... helps me... respects me... values me.
I couldn't ask for anything more!
I'm currently eating rice (with sauce - man rice with that sauce thing - not soyasauce but the sauce u get when buying cooked meat from asian places) cucumber and duck (<3>
I just finished working 5:30 - 9pm. And i basically spent most of the day out of the house.
I guess u could say i was feeling pretty cruddy in the mid afternoon today.
My assignment wasn't close to being completed. My boyfriend was disappointed in me. The worry and stress was starting to build up. I started to realize that if it's med that I'm aiming for - I'm definately not acting like it.
I'm really blessed to have a boyfriend who looks out for me. Even though I get annoyed at him at times... maybe because he sometimes acts like my parents - on my back about this and that. But i know its because he cares. genuinely cares for me. He helps me. Worries for me. Looks out for me. Thinks for me. But most of all, he prays for me... especially because i dont like to ask to be prayed for... i dont like to trouble people i guess.
other than that.. this is whats on my mind. and i must blog abt it before i start my assignment.
a friend of mine... "friend"... more like class mate... she use to go to my school. she had her ultrasound pictures up on facebook. she was 3 months in! its a boy. yeah, she's 17yo, but i admire her for keeping the baby. it makes me happy to know she kept it. well she was happy in a relationship with her bf (father of the baby)... until today =/ she changed her relationship status to single and had this massive 'bitch' in her status =/.
It made me sad to know, that she may be bringing up this child without the father. But i guess u could say it made me think... think about relationships. kids. sex before marriage.
I find it really good how i can talk openly to my boyfriend about these things. How we share the same values, morals and beliefs. How we value and respect each other, and each other's bodies. How we seek deeper meaning in a relationship, rather than just the physical aspect.
I really hope that "friend" works things out. That she has a safe pregnancy. That the father of her son, will be there to support her - and not just financially, but physically, mentally and emotionally.
I thank God that I'm blessed with a boyfriend who supports me... looks out for me... cares for me... shares with me... worries for me... helps me... respects me... values me.
I couldn't ask for anything more!
Labels: anthropology, boyfriend, food, God, marriage, reddot, relationships, sex
10:08 PM
