- Unknown

in theory, a truth that draws a tear...

...

....... but it hurts.

 

its easy to believe someone
when they’re telling you
exactly what you wanna hear
- Unknown

... and hard  to believe someone 

when they're telling you exactly 

what you don't want to hear.

It hurts. So we lie
- Greys Anatomy

i should be more appreciative that you don't think this way.

that you don't lie. that you are honest. and that i can trust you be honest.

and that you are patient. that this time you tried to be gentle.

but what can i say? it still hurts. 

and when i hurt i get defensive. 

and i begin to close myself in. and block everything out.

especially when that truth attacks you and your character. 

and is a reflection of people's perceptions... how they see you

how they see a very stupid you.

yesterday i scraped my foot on edge of my whiteboard. before it started bleeding i put a bandaid on top. which i took off when i went to shower.

i totally had forgotten about it, it didn't really hurt. until i put my thongs on today. and  right where my wound is, lies the strap of my thong.

and so now. it hurts.

and i don't have a band aid to get rid of the pain.

hi.

my name is ditz.

this is my 276th post since november 2oo8.

i have my hbio practical exam in three days.

it starts at 9am. i hate morning exams.

i also have never done hbio before. there is so much to memorize. really complicated words too.

i am not really angry. but i am hurt.

i don't want to do it. but i know i should.

and i think i have to.

msn ban starts today. more time to study maybe?

kebabs from broadway aren't too bad. wished the malaysian place was open so i could get my chicken though.

my net kept screwing up yest. but it's working today. thank God.

it's already 10am. must force myself to study now. so don't feel like it.

dt

i'm doing what i do best.

pushing away the ones i love

when i'm hurting.

the quickest way to learn to be independent, is when you have no one to depend on.

my boyfriend was playing baddy.

my best mate was at his cousins party.

even my parents were at some festival in the city.

i've been pretty good though, i've only cried twice.

first when kavin said he was sorry to hear it.

and secondly when my boyfriend asked me what my mum said.

oh and now, but it hasn't really stopped since he asked me that a few minutes ago.

parents are trying to be good. dad's being the usual and ignoring the situation altogether.

mum talked about postgrad options and focused on how hard it must be to get in as nonstandard  undergrad...

i don't know where to begin. people have already asked me what i'm going to do.

but the truth is that i don't know. i haven't thought about it, partly because i am in no state to do so.

on other news. angus and robertson called, but i was at work, dad said they were asking for an interview. it's the calender club thing i think. hopefully i get it (and hopefully its good pay). reddot gave a really good reference, the 2ic told me what she said to them today.

i had some really cool customers. just friendly. i haven't been able to talk to customers like that in a while, since i've rarely been on till, cauz i'm usually in charge. one of them even asked me what i was studying, and i told her science, but how i was trying to get into med. and she told me i'd get there eventually.

till was down again. sigh.  ~ $50 today. thats like down $175 over two days. that's insane.

oh yeah i wasn't meant to work today. well at least i didnt know i was meant to. got a call at like 10am saying "did u know u were meant to work today?" sigh. i tried to get out of it, but they had no one else. so didn't end up going to uni/sma... msged my instructor to cancel driving. BUT he somehow didn't get it (which is absurb because he always msgs me and stuff. so he does know how to use it..) and waited for me at uni =[ gah feel so bad... working tomorrow arvo. and most nights next week because we're refitting (ahhhh, reddot is attempting to make itself look better! but i doubt it'd be much better than tthe NEW reject shop which is popping up soon)

anyways. here's some answers to some questions that i know everyone will ask.

no.

nothing.

oh actually, prayer would be good.

i haven't thought about it yet. there are several options. continue bsc psyc, change to bsc biomed, change to a totally different course, defer for a yr and retake umat, or focus on just postgrad. i haven't decided. and i have a long way to go before i have to...

well if you want me to breakdown and burst into tears in front of you then you can give me a big hug and tell me it's going to be ok. otherwise just don't mention it and... be normal.

okay thats it for now. busy weekend ahead. sorry if i sound grumpy/emo/hostile.

it just had to come on my 8 months anno too =[