Sunday, May 29, 2011
♥ speaking love
there are times where i speak out of anger.
speak out of frustration.
speak out of impatience.
speak out of hurt.
speak out of annoyedness.
speak out of coldness.
speak out of disappointment.
speak out of expectations.
speak out of resentment.
i often speak out of all these things.
and it's bad. i know. i let my emotions get the better of it way too often. and i say things i don't really mean.
i want to speak out of love. joy. happiness. patience. calmness. gentleness. kindness. goodness. faithfulness. self control.
i want my words that come out of my mouth, to always be words of love.
speak out of frustration.
speak out of impatience.
speak out of hurt.
speak out of annoyedness.
speak out of coldness.
speak out of disappointment.
speak out of expectations.
speak out of resentment.
i often speak out of all these things.
and it's bad. i know. i let my emotions get the better of it way too often. and i say things i don't really mean.
i want to speak out of love. joy. happiness. patience. calmness. gentleness. kindness. goodness. faithfulness. self control.
i want my words that come out of my mouth, to always be words of love.
5:32 PM
Thursday, March 25, 2010
♥ let it burn
i hate you right now.
okay, not hate. but it feels like it.
feel so agitated and angry and fustrated and you have no idea.
and because i can't sleep, in my head i think of all the angry things i could do, like push you away and not talk to you and totally ignore you... shout at you, tell you off, bitch about you.
because i'm just so angry!
and it's just burning inside of me.
because secretly i know its not just you, it's me.
but i don't care right now. i just want out.
12:07 AM
Thursday, November 26, 2009
♥ the blunt truth hurts
from a matchin set, my new phone hanging thingy, ironically given by my bf's student (who flirts with him xD)
i haven't been blogging as much as i usually do, and for that i apoligise.
i've been super busy, working most days, out most nights, and catching up on sleep whenever i can.
and as christmas approaches things are just going to get busier, with some backtoback double shifts at vodafone (8:45am - 9:15pm), but its actually not too bad now =) i'm getting use to it i guess. there's still lots to learn, but at least i can help customers with some things without needing to always ask for help.
last night i was filled with anger at a certain someone. someone who used others. someone who was irresponsible. someone whose actions made me tsktsk. and it really got to me. i kept thinking how can people be like that! so inconsiderate. so immature. so selfish! it just fustrated me SO much. that i just laid in my bed for a while fumed with anger.
yes anger. and it did frustrate me even more when my boyfriend sticks up for that person telling me how it's not my place to judge etc etc. and it sucks even more because i know he's right haha. sighh
sigh, i wish i was stronger. but sometimes i feel like i'm the one that always has to change. i'm the one thats always wrong. and i'm the one that just isn't good enough.
but it's okay. i'm not perfect.
2 Corinthians 12:9 (New Living Translation)
9 Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.
Labels: anger, bible, boyfriend, christmas, christmas trading, vodafone
11:09 PM
Thursday, October 8, 2009
♥ life & rage
stat test in less than 12 hours.
preparation level ~ 30%.
stress levels ~ high
emo level ~ high
ability to fall asleep ~ nil
tolerance level ~ v low
in need of some comfort support reassurance and love.
and now for some raging.
wlfksajfo;lksdlfk;sdjflwjfaslki;djfsalk;jfo;8iwquefr8o2ur0o832uwroi;asje;
flkhsdlk;fhsaoifjw098e2ufoi;whli;faksfo8who8;fwhdf;slkdhf82h3fo8;wah
sdvs8;oiehrgpi;hsdoi;fhsd;lif2h98yh;oiH:LISAHDOI20:LHAOI:DHAO:hf2q
hw;oiaHO:IEAHFOIWEHF*)O@#HEFI:LKSHDLK:FJH:F)O#@HF)*#Y
F(*P@YR(&$^Y#OISDHfoishfoi@(U)#023ou423O@*#$#@)&!)(#@
the end.
1:01 AM
Monday, September 28, 2009
♥ emotions
i am disappointed, hurt and maybe even slightly angry.
i am trying to be understanding.
but that doesn't stop how i feel.
i've never had to deal with this situation before.
maybe because it's never had the time to become an issue.
or they've all just been lying.
gah. add pms and an exhausted body from the tiring wkend, and i feel like crawling back into bed and never waking up again.
emo much?
i am trying to be understanding.
but that doesn't stop how i feel.
i've never had to deal with this situation before.
maybe because it's never had the time to become an issue.
or they've all just been lying.
gah. add pms and an exhausted body from the tiring wkend, and i feel like crawling back into bed and never waking up again.
emo much?
8:04 AM
Thursday, September 10, 2009
♥ i'm okay.
i am okay.
i slept yesterday, eventually, surprisingly. but tonight will be harder.
i fell asleep to music... that will have to be my substitute for the next seven days.
my mind still isn't clear. i still have lots of things on it, jumbled, confusion, anger, disgust, hurt. at myself, more than anything.
'still' by hillsong is playing on my mp3, just as i finished that sentence above it was like "Find rest my soul... In Christ alone... Know his power... In quietness and trust...."
the weather isn't helping my mood, but at least i'm stuck at home, hopefully doing something constructive such as study.
i have a feeling i'll be constantly blogging, so i apoligise for the double triple or quadriple posts in advance.
11:38 AM
Monday, August 24, 2009
♥ my sister.
meet my sister (left).
four years older than me, she's the smart one in our family.
also the most party animal like. and she has bad taste in guys (well my mother thinks so, and i agree).
there are days where we get along, and days where we don't.
many people would know that we are not exactly the tight, compared to most sibling (at church anyways)
she is very strong minded, and i thought i was pretty bad at letting go of a fight, geez. she just doesn't know when to get go aye =.="
anyways. i'm really annoyed at her today.
i wasn't meant to be tutoring, but my student got the date wrong.
so i was napping when she rocked up haha.
then like half way through tutoring all i could hear was my *tempted to insert 'stupid' here* sister talking loudly with mum.
so i get my student to do this question as i walk out and tell her to to shut up because im trying to tutor.
mum tells her to go away, obviously mum doesn't doesn't give a crap about what she's saying (which i might add is a common occurance and the only good thing that comes when she does have a bf because she can talk all she likes to him) and mum moves to the computer room.
five minutes later. i hear here again, going off at mum in the computer room which is just down the hallway.
like zmgsh. -.-" SHUT UP!
so i go out again and tell her to shut up again! and like zmgsh?! and she dares to keep trying to talk until i push her into the bathroom (because she had her towel to shower etc) and attempted to close to door on her, which i might add she attempted to fight to keep the door open.
seriously. no one cares what you have to say. go find someone who does.
so very very annoyed/pissed off at her.
8:22 PM
Monday, August 10, 2009
♥ read my mind
there are certain things that i value.
certain things that i want.
certain things that are important to me.
the world doesn't revolve around me. i dont always get what i want. i usually get upset or angry at those who stand in the way of what i want...
it's hard to understand me sometimes. i know it must be. some of the time i put up with things, despite not being happy about it. content, maybe. dissapointed, maybe. but you dont always get the things u want. things dont always go the way u want.
i wonder if people knew what made other people upset. if they knew what they wanted. or their preferences or whatever... that they understood everything about that person completely to the point that person would never be upset. but then again, people can't read minds. and if they did, they might end up disappointed or discontent because they themselves will give up things for the happiness of others.
so really, its not possible. to read minds. unless ur some superhero with cool powers.
in reality. we need to just be honest i guess.
but sometimes i wish someone could just read my mind. or maybe just pick it up with some common sense. to save me from having to be honest. because its not easy.
when you say something. it kinda turns into a bigger deal. it's not as suttle. and idk sometimes i just feel stupid for being honest. because i think that sometimes its just... obvious. maybe even logical.
spare me the trouble. read my mind. thanks.
certain things that i want.
certain things that are important to me.
the world doesn't revolve around me. i dont always get what i want. i usually get upset or angry at those who stand in the way of what i want...
it's hard to understand me sometimes. i know it must be. some of the time i put up with things, despite not being happy about it. content, maybe. dissapointed, maybe. but you dont always get the things u want. things dont always go the way u want.
i wonder if people knew what made other people upset. if they knew what they wanted. or their preferences or whatever... that they understood everything about that person completely to the point that person would never be upset. but then again, people can't read minds. and if they did, they might end up disappointed or discontent because they themselves will give up things for the happiness of others.
so really, its not possible. to read minds. unless ur some superhero with cool powers.
in reality. we need to just be honest i guess.
but sometimes i wish someone could just read my mind. or maybe just pick it up with some common sense. to save me from having to be honest. because its not easy.when you say something. it kinda turns into a bigger deal. it's not as suttle. and idk sometimes i just feel stupid for being honest. because i think that sometimes its just... obvious. maybe even logical.
spare me the trouble. read my mind. thanks.
Labels: anger, honesty, life, random, relationships
12:04 AM
Sunday, June 14, 2009
♥ flies
i hate how you buzz around my room making stupid buzzing noises.
how you sometimes land on my food and turn it into an uneatable meal.
i hate how you find your way INTO my house somehow. but never know how to find your way OUT.
you drive me insane.
please die.
how you sometimes land on my food and turn it into an uneatable meal.
i hate how you find your way INTO my house somehow. but never know how to find your way OUT.
you drive me insane.
please die.
2:28 PM
Saturday, June 6, 2009
♥ 1 down, 3 to go
exam progress
psyc exam: completed today (sat)
maths exam: wed
anth exam: fri
chem exam: nxt mon
well well, one down, only another three to go.
it was such a pain this morning to realize i had gotten my period. it made me super sleepy for my study / exam and not to mention i just had to bump into a particular someone while waiting for a toilet.
i wasn't going to blog about it, but i think i will because i need to get it off my chest.
i consider myself quite a friendly person. i can talk to and befriend strangers really easily, while most struggle to socialize with unfamiliar people.
and generally a really nice person, even if i find you really annoying, i will still be nice to you.
but there are just particular people... who i find it very difficult to get along with.
and yes, i will agree, that most of the time i've never tried, but i also know that if i did try, it would be on a totally fake level.
so, who would these particular people be?
well. i must admit... there are a few, but most of the time it's my friend's exboyfriend or my mate's exgirlfriend... and even more so, my boyfriend's exgirlfriend (she was the toilet encounter i was mentioning earlier).
now now, don't get me wrong, i don't hate them all. because hate is such a strong word. but i just avoid them, knowing that i would probably say or do something bad if i did come across them... (and that girl is prettyyyyyyy lucky i was tired and actually needed to use the toilet, or tbh, i might have accidently let something slip from my mouth)
and and. again, i think there are "good" ex's. and "bad ex's. i mean, some relationships end - and sometimes (even though it make take a while) things actually end up good, for example, i am like best mates with one of my ex's now. but, on the flip slide... things could go sour. and it's the kinda "ex" you avoid at all costs, or attempt to anyways.
and when it comes to those "sour" kinda endings to relationshpis, many of my friends share with me their heartache or problems... and sometimes its hard not to judge. sometimes i have to consistently remind myself that i actually don't really know their ex personally, but i'm simply judging based on what my friends are telling me, which is obviously totally bias, but still very influential.
but sometimes it isn't easy. to help your friend, and not be as angry as your friend is at them. or not to hate them.
because maybe they hurt someone close to you. or maybe they even hurt you indirectly.
anyways. i think i'm doing pretty well =) considering no one has actually had to hold me back before. i am reservedddddddd and control my anger well.
. . .
and i know this is something i'm going to have to get over. a hurdle i will need to overcome.
. . .
but in the meantime, until i do overcome it...
. . .
can you make sure you hold me back when i'm about to do something stupid?
psyc exam: completed today (sat)
maths exam: wed
anth exam: fri
chem exam: nxt mon
well well, one down, only another three to go.
it was such a pain this morning to realize i had gotten my period. it made me super sleepy for my study / exam and not to mention i just had to bump into a particular someone while waiting for a toilet.
i wasn't going to blog about it, but i think i will because i need to get it off my chest.
i consider myself quite a friendly person. i can talk to and befriend strangers really easily, while most struggle to socialize with unfamiliar people.
and generally a really nice person, even if i find you really annoying, i will still be nice to you.
but there are just particular people... who i find it very difficult to get along with.
and yes, i will agree, that most of the time i've never tried, but i also know that if i did try, it would be on a totally fake level.
so, who would these particular people be?
well. i must admit... there are a few, but most of the time it's my friend's exboyfriend or my mate's exgirlfriend... and even more so, my boyfriend's exgirlfriend (she was the toilet encounter i was mentioning earlier).
now now, don't get me wrong, i don't hate them all. because hate is such a strong word. but i just avoid them, knowing that i would probably say or do something bad if i did come across them... (and that girl is prettyyyyyyy lucky i was tired and actually needed to use the toilet, or tbh, i might have accidently let something slip from my mouth)
and and. again, i think there are "good" ex's. and "bad ex's. i mean, some relationships end - and sometimes (even though it make take a while) things actually end up good, for example, i am like best mates with one of my ex's now. but, on the flip slide... things could go sour. and it's the kinda "ex" you avoid at all costs, or attempt to anyways.
and when it comes to those "sour" kinda endings to relationshpis, many of my friends share with me their heartache or problems... and sometimes its hard not to judge. sometimes i have to consistently remind myself that i actually don't really know their ex personally, but i'm simply judging based on what my friends are telling me, which is obviously totally bias, but still very influential.
but sometimes it isn't easy. to help your friend, and not be as angry as your friend is at them. or not to hate them.
because maybe they hurt someone close to you. or maybe they even hurt you indirectly.
anyways. i think i'm doing pretty well =) considering no one has actually had to hold me back before. i am reservedddddddd and control my anger well.
. . .
and i know this is something i'm going to have to get over. a hurdle i will need to overcome.
. . .
but in the meantime, until i do overcome it...
. . .
can you make sure you hold me back when i'm about to do something stupid?
Labels: anger, boyfriend, exams, exbf/exgf, friends, pms, relationships, study, uni
9:01 PM
