Monday, August 1, 2011
♥ first day of semester 2
well, holidays flew by pretty quickly.
it mainly consisted of working at reddot (1 - 2 days a wk) and vodafone (2 - 3 days a wk)... except for the last week of holidays, i took off most my shifts, working only the thurs night at reddot.
i've gone out with the boyfriend, caught up with a few friends (not as many as i would have hoped). organised our lifegroup retreat. semi cleaned my room. and did lots of shopping. lots of shopping.
i'm turning my wardrobe around, and trying to avoid shopping at places that have cheap clothes but not really the best of quality.
i've been having pretty bad back / shoulder pain lately. might have been from sleeping on the couch at the retreat =/
well a few weeks ago i made curried egg sandwiches for a picnic i had with some high school friends. and i made lasagna on the weekend. and if you didn't already know, i never cook because i'm terrible at it.
but i'm trying to change. unfortunately, i haven't received much support and the response i've gotten has been pretty disheartening. can't a girl try to change, without having others comment on how long it's taken or being really sarcastic about it. why can't people just appreciate that i'm trying, that change is starting to happen?
anyways. the retreat went well - everything worked out in the end - transport, food, accommodation... i however, was a bit all over the place. my personality is very... hmm. i needed everything to be perfect, organised properly, done my way - which leads to me being stressed, bossy and frustrated. and then when i'm like that, i start being defined as those things by the people around me. which kinda sucks, because what if i was trying to change, but their words just mock my attempt to? not everyone is perfect!
anyways this has turned into a very negative post! which doesn't really summarize my holiday that well. i blame it on my current bad mood.
til next timeee~
it mainly consisted of working at reddot (1 - 2 days a wk) and vodafone (2 - 3 days a wk)... except for the last week of holidays, i took off most my shifts, working only the thurs night at reddot.
i've gone out with the boyfriend, caught up with a few friends (not as many as i would have hoped). organised our lifegroup retreat. semi cleaned my room. and did lots of shopping. lots of shopping.
i'm turning my wardrobe around, and trying to avoid shopping at places that have cheap clothes but not really the best of quality.
i've been having pretty bad back / shoulder pain lately. might have been from sleeping on the couch at the retreat =/
well a few weeks ago i made curried egg sandwiches for a picnic i had with some high school friends. and i made lasagna on the weekend. and if you didn't already know, i never cook because i'm terrible at it.
but i'm trying to change. unfortunately, i haven't received much support and the response i've gotten has been pretty disheartening. can't a girl try to change, without having others comment on how long it's taken or being really sarcastic about it. why can't people just appreciate that i'm trying, that change is starting to happen?
anyways. the retreat went well - everything worked out in the end - transport, food, accommodation... i however, was a bit all over the place. my personality is very... hmm. i needed everything to be perfect, organised properly, done my way - which leads to me being stressed, bossy and frustrated. and then when i'm like that, i start being defined as those things by the people around me. which kinda sucks, because what if i was trying to change, but their words just mock my attempt to? not everyone is perfect!
anyways this has turned into a very negative post! which doesn't really summarize my holiday that well. i blame it on my current bad mood.
til next timeee~
Labels: holidays, leadership, moody
6:07 PM
Friday, August 27, 2010
♥ Woo i got it working!
Yes..! Finally figured out how to set up mobile blogging. After attempting it on the bus for like half an hour zzz... Sigh anyways. Uber crappy day today. Yup. In a totally apathetic mood zzz
Labels: blog, m.blogging, moody
7:56 PM
Monday, July 26, 2010
♥ unhappy
unhappy.
about 3 things in particular.
#1. how annoying my sister is.. like seriously, she does not shut up. note to self: the more you help her, the more she's going to bug you - so moral of story: don't help her.
#2. how the new manager has cut my hours down to 5/week.. like WTH? totally disliking this new manager more and more... i want my old manager back :(
#3. i put this as my fb status last night "sometimes you wonder how your best friend can change so much... right before your very eyes... to the point where.. even you don't know what to do anymore" and i've gotten such depressing comments on it! like geez =/ not giving up on him that easily..
--
edit: a couple of hours later...
let me just emphasise point number #1 again.
Monday 12:25pm
Email - her to me
"My iphone arrived today!! BUT nick also emailed me and i just realised that vodaphone charges 90c per minute plus 35c flagfall :( are they going to change this soon? 3 only charges 35c per 30 seconds..."
Monday 1:15pm
She makes a phone call to me asking me if i read her email and complaining about call rates again.
The phone line cuts out and I write her back an email at
Monday 1:23pm
Email - me to her
" YOU ARE A PAIN IN THE ASS
--
edit: a couple of hours later...
let me just emphasise point number #1 again.
Monday 12:25pm
Email - her to me
"My iphone arrived today!! BUT nick also emailed me and i just realised that vodaphone charges 90c per minute plus 35c flagfall :( are they going to change this soon? 3 only charges 35c per 30 seconds..."
Monday 1:15pm
She makes a phone call to me asking me if i read her email and complaining about call rates again.
The phone line cuts out and I write her back an email at
Monday 1:23pm
Email - me to her
" YOU ARE A PAIN IN THE ASS
CAN'T THIS WAIT UNTIL I GET HOME
THAT YOU HAVE TO CALL ME WHILE I'M AT UNI -.-"
GO TO THE STUPID WEBSITE, http://www.three.com.au/cs/
THE RATES FOR BOTH 3 AND VODAFONE ARE NOW THE SAME 90CENT PER MINUTE + 35CENT FLAGFALL
ONLY YOUR OLD PLAN WAS 35CENTS PER 30 SECONDS - BUT IF YOU STAYED ON THAT YOU WOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN A NEW PHONE
YOU SHOULD DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH ON PHONE PLANS IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE THAT PICKY AND ANNOYING ABOUT IT. "kudos to josh for making it colourful in my email.
Monday 8pm
her: *walks into my bedroom* it doesn't tell you how long to charge it for
me: overnight.
her: does that mean 12 hours or 15 hours? [ <-- seriously how stupid is that question?! because yeahhh totallllllllyyyyyyyyy night time can really be 15 hours -.- ]
me: -_____-" it doesn't matter
her: ohhhhhh okay. are you going to uni tomorrow?
me: no
her: oh cool. wanna play with it tomorrow?
me: NO I WANT TO STUDYYYYYY, CAN YOU PLEASEEEEEE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE
her: oh yeahhh your things on wednesday
=_____________=" like seriously?! can you get any more annoying?
Monday 8pm
her: *walks into my bedroom* it doesn't tell you how long to charge it for
me: overnight.
her: does that mean 12 hours or 15 hours? [ <-- seriously how stupid is that question?! because yeahhh totallllllllyyyyyyyyy night time can really be 15 hours -.- ]
me: -_____-" it doesn't matter
her: ohhhhhh okay. are you going to uni tomorrow?
me: no
her: oh cool. wanna play with it tomorrow?
me: NO I WANT TO STUDYYYYYY, CAN YOU PLEASEEEEEE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE
her: oh yeahhh your things on wednesday
=_____________=" like seriously?! can you get any more annoying?
6:07 PM
Sunday, December 20, 2009
♥ unhappy.
i am so discontent with what my life is like right now.
christmas is just around the corner
but i am so unhappy and everything just sucks.
that is all.
5:23 PM
Thursday, October 8, 2009
♥ the world and me
dear ditza
when you get grumpy upset or annoyed at the slightest of things...
remember that it is not the end of the world.
that it doesn't revolve around you.
and instead stop to look and see what's going on.
how people are hurting.
and not just focus on how much you get hurt over little things.
but the bigger problems others maybe going through.
stop being selfish and open your eyes.
take care,
your thoughts. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
okay. i might have possibly failed that stat test today. and no i'm not joking. there are tests that i do where i write stuff down that i'm not sure i'm right, but at least i wrote something down. this time, i left 25% off questions blank, as in total blank.. and i wasn't even confident about my other answers. so yes. not happy.
i have been uber moody lately. i can't even blame it on pms. stess, maybe. not really been sleeping as much as i should be either. yesterday i didn't even eat lunch or breakfast. i felt kinda bad chucking it out when i got home... i think i was like studying in the library.. and u can't eat in there =[... so i survived on sultanas that day. i wasn't really hungry anyways.
don't worry. i'm not anno~ i had red rooster today =]! i'm getting slightly addicted to the mini strip wrap and chips for $2.95 ~ it's such a bargain.
must start mantaining my money and open a proper savings account, the zonta bank cheque finally cleared. but i'm already eating into it... so yes. not good.
loving the sunshine we're getting. too bad it's not holding up this weekend, but it'll be back next week. wearing shorts, thongs, tshirt and sunniessss is awesome.
exams kinda soon. my marks book is filling up. psyc is the only one waitin for an exam mark, and if i can scrap a 77% in that i might actually score a hd, but the prospects of that is looking kinda slim atm.
dude i hope i scored 65% for that stat test today. either way i will have to own the exam to pull off a hd, GAH!
oh dear stats, i thought we had such a good thing going on! why must you break my heart?
Labels: food, life, maths, me, money, moody, tests, uni, work
5:01 PM
Thursday, September 10, 2009
♥ i'm okay.
i am okay.
i slept yesterday, eventually, surprisingly. but tonight will be harder.
i fell asleep to music... that will have to be my substitute for the next seven days.
my mind still isn't clear. i still have lots of things on it, jumbled, confusion, anger, disgust, hurt. at myself, more than anything.
'still' by hillsong is playing on my mp3, just as i finished that sentence above it was like "Find rest my soul... In Christ alone... Know his power... In quietness and trust...."
the weather isn't helping my mood, but at least i'm stuck at home, hopefully doing something constructive such as study.
i have a feeling i'll be constantly blogging, so i apoligise for the double triple or quadriple posts in advance.
11:38 AM
Thursday, July 23, 2009
♥ first wk of sem 2
tomorrow will complete the first week of uni for semester two.
and wow, getting use to waking up relatively early, is a pain.
i've been late to every lecture (except wednesday, when i started at 10pm, rather than 9pm)
but really.. what is with traffic in the morning?! today was especially bad... =____=" took me more than an hr to get to uni... gah. i miss sleeping in already.
well my units this semester are... stats (maths), organic chemistry, psychology II, human bio II.
now.. i didn't do human bio I, so im slightly struggling with the terminology... and where everything is. everyone says that i'll be fine, that i'll catch up and that i'll get use to it, but to be honest i'm worried and wondering if i should switch / drop. i mean in one way, i know i can't avoid it - eventually i'll have to do it for bed. but in another way... i dont know if i can get a distinction for it, and if i can't it means my gpa will drop, which will lower my chances of transfering. so i'm sorta torn in two i guess.
psychology II is good, the lecturer is pretty good. interesting at least. since i've done semester one, i now know to study off the book (since the exam is based on book and not lectures, because most of the lectures aren't always relevant, but interesting and fun all the same)
stats... i heart maths. but so far stats has been pretty =/.. its basically just words on a slide. no working out stuff or anything =( but hopefully it gets better. the lecturer has quite a strong accent, i think its german.
chem.. hmm supposingly this chem is harder than last sem which is a major worry cauz it was my weakest last sem. but so far it seems ok. i guess he starts with the basics though, so i gotta make sure i keep up and buy the book (and actually read it) and do all the problems and ask questions when i dont understand stuff.
anyways.. other random thoughts:
+ i've been quite bitchy/judgey lately, well josh points out anyways. bad habits creeping back on me. will have to be more careful and wary of the things i say...
+ sometimes what you want and what you don't mind are two very different things. but i guess its important to be content and satisfied.
+ i expect my boyfriend to not be selfish and be able to share me with my friends without getting edgey. as i should do the same back. but sharing isn't always easy, though i think i find it easier than he does.
+ i seemed to be getting a bit more annoyed easily lately, maybe i'm more edgey that i think
+ oh today i creeped into my bf's lecture. it was a 1 hr 45min lecture. and i walked in with 30min to go. and my attempt to be discreet (by going by the back down) failed. she stopped talking and looked at me and asked me if i was a med student. and if i was in the right class. and i just looked at her blankly. and then she explained how they have been getting lots of law students coming in and out. yes. everyone stared at me and some laughed because they knew i wasn't haha. about 5 minutes later another girl walked in and sat nxt to me in the back row. obviously not a med student, but the lecturer didn't stop to ask her questions. but she did throw some looks at her haha.
+ gosh, i must walk funny or something. i have a hole in the back of my boots. phew they were only 10 bucks. yeah the back of my boots kept scraping along the ground, maybe the bottom bit isn't high enough, or maybe i just walk funny that i lean my heel too far back. it lets water in if i step into puddles. so its kinda pointless considering i still have to avoid puddles while wearing boots. its warm though.
+ i am fat. my boyfriend has fun poking my fatty stomach. i know i've gained weight. it's winter. plus i often go into phases where i don't actually care so much. hahaa, it's good to know my boyfriend will still stick by me, despite being fat. i wonder if he'll still like poking my stomach when im super fat like when im pregnant, however, i dont think thats too good for the baby.
+ today i worked. mainly recovery. the store looks good. hehe, also my manager mentioned rotating thurs nights in a 1 to 3 rotating basis. hence one thurs my manager will do it, the the next thurs the senior will do it, and the next thurs after that will be me. i think i get alternate saturdays now. which is good, i think every sat might be too much. but at least i know i'm getting at least one shift a week =)
+ lighthouse launch tomorrow. nysf district selection sat (oh judging will be fun!). umat wed. 18th party on sat. night service on the sun. zonta dinner on wed.
+ josh is coming over tomorrow! for dinner. haha.
+ having friends in every class has its pros and cons. it's great. because you have company and u can study together and ask questions. but i guess i don't make as much of an effort to make more new friends. haha. but i think its ok, because most people in 2nd sem already have their lil friend groups. and my mum always complains i have too many friends already. once she told me to unfriend them because i spent too much money on bdays etc xD.
anyways thats all for now. i should sleep. otherwise i wont be able to get up in the morning againn. and i'm quite exhausted.
and wow, getting use to waking up relatively early, is a pain.
i've been late to every lecture (except wednesday, when i started at 10pm, rather than 9pm)
but really.. what is with traffic in the morning?! today was especially bad... =____=" took me more than an hr to get to uni... gah. i miss sleeping in already.
well my units this semester are... stats (maths), organic chemistry, psychology II, human bio II.
now.. i didn't do human bio I, so im slightly struggling with the terminology... and where everything is. everyone says that i'll be fine, that i'll catch up and that i'll get use to it, but to be honest i'm worried and wondering if i should switch / drop. i mean in one way, i know i can't avoid it - eventually i'll have to do it for bed. but in another way... i dont know if i can get a distinction for it, and if i can't it means my gpa will drop, which will lower my chances of transfering. so i'm sorta torn in two i guess.
psychology II is good, the lecturer is pretty good. interesting at least. since i've done semester one, i now know to study off the book (since the exam is based on book and not lectures, because most of the lectures aren't always relevant, but interesting and fun all the same)
stats... i heart maths. but so far stats has been pretty =/.. its basically just words on a slide. no working out stuff or anything =( but hopefully it gets better. the lecturer has quite a strong accent, i think its german.
chem.. hmm supposingly this chem is harder than last sem which is a major worry cauz it was my weakest last sem. but so far it seems ok. i guess he starts with the basics though, so i gotta make sure i keep up and buy the book (and actually read it) and do all the problems and ask questions when i dont understand stuff.
anyways.. other random thoughts:
+ i've been quite bitchy/judgey lately, well josh points out anyways. bad habits creeping back on me. will have to be more careful and wary of the things i say...
+ sometimes what you want and what you don't mind are two very different things. but i guess its important to be content and satisfied.
+ i expect my boyfriend to not be selfish and be able to share me with my friends without getting edgey. as i should do the same back. but sharing isn't always easy, though i think i find it easier than he does.
+ i seemed to be getting a bit more annoyed easily lately, maybe i'm more edgey that i think
+ oh today i creeped into my bf's lecture. it was a 1 hr 45min lecture. and i walked in with 30min to go. and my attempt to be discreet (by going by the back down) failed. she stopped talking and looked at me and asked me if i was a med student. and if i was in the right class. and i just looked at her blankly. and then she explained how they have been getting lots of law students coming in and out. yes. everyone stared at me and some laughed because they knew i wasn't haha. about 5 minutes later another girl walked in and sat nxt to me in the back row. obviously not a med student, but the lecturer didn't stop to ask her questions. but she did throw some looks at her haha.
+ gosh, i must walk funny or something. i have a hole in the back of my boots. phew they were only 10 bucks. yeah the back of my boots kept scraping along the ground, maybe the bottom bit isn't high enough, or maybe i just walk funny that i lean my heel too far back. it lets water in if i step into puddles. so its kinda pointless considering i still have to avoid puddles while wearing boots. its warm though.
+ i am fat. my boyfriend has fun poking my fatty stomach. i know i've gained weight. it's winter. plus i often go into phases where i don't actually care so much. hahaa, it's good to know my boyfriend will still stick by me, despite being fat. i wonder if he'll still like poking my stomach when im super fat like when im pregnant, however, i dont think thats too good for the baby.
+ today i worked. mainly recovery. the store looks good. hehe, also my manager mentioned rotating thurs nights in a 1 to 3 rotating basis. hence one thurs my manager will do it, the the next thurs the senior will do it, and the next thurs after that will be me. i think i get alternate saturdays now. which is good, i think every sat might be too much. but at least i know i'm getting at least one shift a week =)
+ lighthouse launch tomorrow. nysf district selection sat (oh judging will be fun!). umat wed. 18th party on sat. night service on the sun. zonta dinner on wed.
+ josh is coming over tomorrow! for dinner. haha.
+ having friends in every class has its pros and cons. it's great. because you have company and u can study together and ask questions. but i guess i don't make as much of an effort to make more new friends. haha. but i think its ok, because most people in 2nd sem already have their lil friend groups. and my mum always complains i have too many friends already. once she told me to unfriend them because i spent too much money on bdays etc xD.
anyways thats all for now. i should sleep. otherwise i wont be able to get up in the morning againn. and i'm quite exhausted.
Labels: boyfriend, busy, clothes, moody, nysf, reddot, sleep, uni, zonta
10:45 PM
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
♥ my moods
sometimes when i'm really really happy, i can't stop myself from smiling. even if i try. sometimes i squeal, scream, and such girl things. other times i just can't stop talking that i often just blab and blab on, not being about to contend my excitement or joy.
sometimes when im confused, i will sit there. in my own world. and just think to myself, attempting to understand. other times i will keep asking questions until i do understand. and other times, i will just try to forget it altogether... because it's just too confusing. or i just dont want to think about it.
sometimes when i'm hurt, i just want to run away. i want to remove myself from the situation. go into a space of my own. my mind goes blank. i block out how i feel. and i just want to get away.
sometimes when i get angry, i get really fierce. defensive. argumentative. maybe even irrational, stubborn and unreasonable. other times i will try to let it go and be silent, so it doesnt make a big deal, but then again, this means i have to remove myself from the situation, so my anger doesn't escalate. that also works if i need to calm myself down.
sometimes when i don't know what to do, i don't do anything. even though i know what i want, i sometimes don't know how to get there. other times i'll just make a decision, because i can't decide.
the umat is in exactly one week.
i'm nervous. scared. worried and so not looking forward to it.
at the moment i'm feeling a surge of mixed emotions. i sorta just want to curl up in my bed under my blanket and fall asleep to the sound of the rain. i want to sleep because i'm tired. i want to curl up and hide because my attempts to be a better person has failed. but it's a process. a journey. a lifelong lesson. something i need to work on. something that obviously can't change overnight.
i need to be reminded of my want to change. encouraged to reach that goal. helped to get there.
sometimes when im confused, i will sit there. in my own world. and just think to myself, attempting to understand. other times i will keep asking questions until i do understand. and other times, i will just try to forget it altogether... because it's just too confusing. or i just dont want to think about it.
sometimes when i'm hurt, i just want to run away. i want to remove myself from the situation. go into a space of my own. my mind goes blank. i block out how i feel. and i just want to get away.
sometimes when i get angry, i get really fierce. defensive. argumentative. maybe even irrational, stubborn and unreasonable. other times i will try to let it go and be silent, so it doesnt make a big deal, but then again, this means i have to remove myself from the situation, so my anger doesn't escalate. that also works if i need to calm myself down.
sometimes when i don't know what to do, i don't do anything. even though i know what i want, i sometimes don't know how to get there. other times i'll just make a decision, because i can't decide.
the umat is in exactly one week.
i'm nervous. scared. worried and so not looking forward to it.
at the moment i'm feeling a surge of mixed emotions. i sorta just want to curl up in my bed under my blanket and fall asleep to the sound of the rain. i want to sleep because i'm tired. i want to curl up and hide because my attempts to be a better person has failed. but it's a process. a journey. a lifelong lesson. something i need to work on. something that obviously can't change overnight.
i need to be reminded of my want to change. encouraged to reach that goal. helped to get there.
Labels: emotions, hate, moody, relationships, umat
2:15 PM
