Monday, June 22, 2009
♥ doing your best. it's all i want you to expect.
it's really hard sometimes, as a kid.
your parents have expectations for you, and often those expectations end up being your own too.
when you realize that you can't meet those expectations, its so much harder for your parents to realize this.
for me, my expectations have changed... from getting the results i wanted, to doing the best i can.
at times i will not get the results i want... but if i know that i've done the best, then thats all that matters.
its really difficult when parent's don't expect your best, but rather, expect the results...
yesterday morning i got an earful from my parents about umat prep, and i tried to remain calm... my dad throws lines like "are you going to pass this time?" in such a tone... it gets to me.
the thing is, that i can't say that i will. its not like its an easy choice i can make. i wish that rather he would say "do your best"... because really, no one's heart broke more than mine, when i found out that i didn't do well enough last year.
it's not like i didn't want it. it's not like i didn't regret not working harder. and it's not like i purposely went out to fail just to waste my parents money.
it hurt me, and it still does... but i don't think my parents understand that. otherwise they wouldn't be throwing such comments at me - in an attempt to make me feel guilty? idk, but it doesn't help, it doesn't make me do any better, in fact it just makes me feel like crap... and makes things worse.
anyways, i tried telling my dad this - i need him to be more encouraging and to tell me to do my best, not "to pass" because it doesn't help when he says things like that. i sat down as he was washing the dishes, but i ended up in tears, and being my dad, he's not very good with dealing with crying daughters, and kept changing the subject etc...
but really. its my dream. i want it so badly.
but all i can do, is my best.
your parents have expectations for you, and often those expectations end up being your own too.
when you realize that you can't meet those expectations, its so much harder for your parents to realize this.
for me, my expectations have changed... from getting the results i wanted, to doing the best i can.
at times i will not get the results i want... but if i know that i've done the best, then thats all that matters.
its really difficult when parent's don't expect your best, but rather, expect the results...
yesterday morning i got an earful from my parents about umat prep, and i tried to remain calm... my dad throws lines like "are you going to pass this time?" in such a tone... it gets to me.
the thing is, that i can't say that i will. its not like its an easy choice i can make. i wish that rather he would say "do your best"... because really, no one's heart broke more than mine, when i found out that i didn't do well enough last year.
it's not like i didn't want it. it's not like i didn't regret not working harder. and it's not like i purposely went out to fail just to waste my parents money.
it hurt me, and it still does... but i don't think my parents understand that. otherwise they wouldn't be throwing such comments at me - in an attempt to make me feel guilty? idk, but it doesn't help, it doesn't make me do any better, in fact it just makes me feel like crap... and makes things worse.
anyways, i tried telling my dad this - i need him to be more encouraging and to tell me to do my best, not "to pass" because it doesn't help when he says things like that. i sat down as he was washing the dishes, but i ended up in tears, and being my dad, he's not very good with dealing with crying daughters, and kept changing the subject etc...
but really. its my dream. i want it so badly.
but all i can do, is my best.
... and the tears keep flowing
9:36 PM
