Wednesday, July 22, 2009
♥ my moods
sometimes when i'm really really happy, i can't stop myself from smiling. even if i try. sometimes i squeal, scream, and such girl things. other times i just can't stop talking that i often just blab and blab on, not being about to contend my excitement or joy.
sometimes when im confused, i will sit there. in my own world. and just think to myself, attempting to understand. other times i will keep asking questions until i do understand. and other times, i will just try to forget it altogether... because it's just too confusing. or i just dont want to think about it.
sometimes when i'm hurt, i just want to run away. i want to remove myself from the situation. go into a space of my own. my mind goes blank. i block out how i feel. and i just want to get away.
sometimes when i get angry, i get really fierce. defensive. argumentative. maybe even irrational, stubborn and unreasonable. other times i will try to let it go and be silent, so it doesnt make a big deal, but then again, this means i have to remove myself from the situation, so my anger doesn't escalate. that also works if i need to calm myself down.
sometimes when i don't know what to do, i don't do anything. even though i know what i want, i sometimes don't know how to get there. other times i'll just make a decision, because i can't decide.
the umat is in exactly one week.
i'm nervous. scared. worried and so not looking forward to it.
at the moment i'm feeling a surge of mixed emotions. i sorta just want to curl up in my bed under my blanket and fall asleep to the sound of the rain. i want to sleep because i'm tired. i want to curl up and hide because my attempts to be a better person has failed. but it's a process. a journey. a lifelong lesson. something i need to work on. something that obviously can't change overnight.
i need to be reminded of my want to change. encouraged to reach that goal. helped to get there.
sometimes when im confused, i will sit there. in my own world. and just think to myself, attempting to understand. other times i will keep asking questions until i do understand. and other times, i will just try to forget it altogether... because it's just too confusing. or i just dont want to think about it.
sometimes when i'm hurt, i just want to run away. i want to remove myself from the situation. go into a space of my own. my mind goes blank. i block out how i feel. and i just want to get away.
sometimes when i get angry, i get really fierce. defensive. argumentative. maybe even irrational, stubborn and unreasonable. other times i will try to let it go and be silent, so it doesnt make a big deal, but then again, this means i have to remove myself from the situation, so my anger doesn't escalate. that also works if i need to calm myself down.
sometimes when i don't know what to do, i don't do anything. even though i know what i want, i sometimes don't know how to get there. other times i'll just make a decision, because i can't decide.
the umat is in exactly one week.
i'm nervous. scared. worried and so not looking forward to it.
at the moment i'm feeling a surge of mixed emotions. i sorta just want to curl up in my bed under my blanket and fall asleep to the sound of the rain. i want to sleep because i'm tired. i want to curl up and hide because my attempts to be a better person has failed. but it's a process. a journey. a lifelong lesson. something i need to work on. something that obviously can't change overnight.
i need to be reminded of my want to change. encouraged to reach that goal. helped to get there.
Labels: emotions, hate, moody, relationships, umat
2:15 PM
