Thursday, July 2, 2009
♥ i can't do anything about the past, but i can about the future!
woah, the beginning of this week went by so sloww but the rest of it is just flying by.
11 days without my boyfriend, and i've survived haha. i've had to stop myself from posting blogs where i'm like "ARGHHHHHH i miss hiim" because, that would just look... attachy and dependant. xD and don't worry, i AM independant =) even though i do miss him.
its just different i guess, usually i'm the busy one who has to cancel on outings or conversations because i've got things to do or other commitments. now i'm sorta getting a taste of how it feels to be on the other side. and it's a great lesson really. makes me appreciate him more for always understanding and sticking by me, despite the many times where i didn't have much time for him.
i got good news yesterday, i opened a zonta letter saying that i won districts for the young women in public affairs award =) last year i won at club level (had to fill our an application with questions on the world & about advancing the status of women worldwide, went for a 45 minute interview, and did a 5 minute speech on my role model) and then my application got forwarded to district level (there's 31 international districts) and yeah i didnt have to do a thing (but wait!)
it's fantastic =) i get US$1k and possibly get to go to melbourne to speak at district 23's conference! so yes, i'm very blessed. praise God. I'm heading back to my club in august to speak to them about what i've done for the past 12 months.
i was extremely happy when receiving this news (as u can imagine) but shortly after sharing it with my mum, it didn't take her long to throw me a line about winning all these things, but failing at what was important, which was my TER.
sigh, i'll be honest and it really cut me at first, to the point where i could have gotten really angry at it. but i let it go. it really makes me teary just thinking about it.
you know, the kinda feeling where you'll never live this down. and like my parents will never be able to let go of it. and it doesnt help me. it doesnt encourage me. in fact it does quite the opposite.
if only they understood how they affect me....... but the thing is, even if they didn't say it, i'd know they think it anyways. because thats how my parents are, and i think most asian parents.
today, on the way home from work, in the car dad asked me how i won the one thousand. and even though he didnt say it, at least i felt like he was proud of me. i kinda realized my dad's like that, he doesn't really say things heartfelt haha. in the car to the bus station (this morning) while i ate my poptarts in the car, my dad was like "where's your water". i told him it was in my bag. and then i started thinking, i dont know why, but it made me think about how my dad says things sometimes... i guess he's just not very good at expressing things haha.
this past week has been a kinda big week for me. i've learnt to let go of a few things. things that i wasn't sure i would ever be able to let go. but i've learnt that i need to let go, that i need to forgive and that i need to move on.
the past is the past. it's not something u can change. ahh, but the present, the future... thats a different story.
you know. i would try to forget some things, i would try to let it go. but it never worked because, when some things happened, it would just evoke emotion in me about past events. sometimes i would hold someone's past against them. but who i am to do that? you know, when we sin, and we ask and accept forgiveness from God, and we realize that Jesus took all our sins on the cross, God doesn't use our past against us. when He looks at us, He doesn't see our sins, because Jesus already paid the price for them.
So, to those people out there. Who, if you asked me a week ago, i would have told you that i hated absolutely. I forgive you. Even if your not sorry, and even if you don't care, or even if you don't know how much i hate(d) you for the things you did to me / people who are close to me. I'm not going to all of a suddent try to befriend you, because then my motives would not be right. But i'll stop avoiding you. And i'll stop giving you evils. and I'll stop bitching about you. And I'll try to smile at you when i see you. because when i look at you, i'm not going to hold you past against you.
But yes im human, so forgive me if i make mistakes =)
it's time to be a better person!
11 days without my boyfriend, and i've survived haha. i've had to stop myself from posting blogs where i'm like "ARGHHHHHH i miss hiim" because, that would just look... attachy and dependant. xD and don't worry, i AM independant =) even though i do miss him.
its just different i guess, usually i'm the busy one who has to cancel on outings or conversations because i've got things to do or other commitments. now i'm sorta getting a taste of how it feels to be on the other side. and it's a great lesson really. makes me appreciate him more for always understanding and sticking by me, despite the many times where i didn't have much time for him.
i got good news yesterday, i opened a zonta letter saying that i won districts for the young women in public affairs award =) last year i won at club level (had to fill our an application with questions on the world & about advancing the status of women worldwide, went for a 45 minute interview, and did a 5 minute speech on my role model) and then my application got forwarded to district level (there's 31 international districts) and yeah i didnt have to do a thing (but wait!)
it's fantastic =) i get US$1k and possibly get to go to melbourne to speak at district 23's conference! so yes, i'm very blessed. praise God. I'm heading back to my club in august to speak to them about what i've done for the past 12 months.
i was extremely happy when receiving this news (as u can imagine) but shortly after sharing it with my mum, it didn't take her long to throw me a line about winning all these things, but failing at what was important, which was my TER.
sigh, i'll be honest and it really cut me at first, to the point where i could have gotten really angry at it. but i let it go. it really makes me teary just thinking about it.
you know, the kinda feeling where you'll never live this down. and like my parents will never be able to let go of it. and it doesnt help me. it doesnt encourage me. in fact it does quite the opposite.
if only they understood how they affect me....... but the thing is, even if they didn't say it, i'd know they think it anyways. because thats how my parents are, and i think most asian parents.
today, on the way home from work, in the car dad asked me how i won the one thousand. and even though he didnt say it, at least i felt like he was proud of me. i kinda realized my dad's like that, he doesn't really say things heartfelt haha. in the car to the bus station (this morning) while i ate my poptarts in the car, my dad was like "where's your water". i told him it was in my bag. and then i started thinking, i dont know why, but it made me think about how my dad says things sometimes... i guess he's just not very good at expressing things haha.
this past week has been a kinda big week for me. i've learnt to let go of a few things. things that i wasn't sure i would ever be able to let go. but i've learnt that i need to let go, that i need to forgive and that i need to move on.
the past is the past. it's not something u can change. ahh, but the present, the future... thats a different story.
you know. i would try to forget some things, i would try to let it go. but it never worked because, when some things happened, it would just evoke emotion in me about past events. sometimes i would hold someone's past against them. but who i am to do that? you know, when we sin, and we ask and accept forgiveness from God, and we realize that Jesus took all our sins on the cross, God doesn't use our past against us. when He looks at us, He doesn't see our sins, because Jesus already paid the price for them.
So, to those people out there. Who, if you asked me a week ago, i would have told you that i hated absolutely. I forgive you. Even if your not sorry, and even if you don't care, or even if you don't know how much i hate(d) you for the things you did to me / people who are close to me. I'm not going to all of a suddent try to befriend you, because then my motives would not be right. But i'll stop avoiding you. And i'll stop giving you evils. and I'll stop bitching about you. And I'll try to smile at you when i see you. because when i look at you, i'm not going to hold you past against you.
But yes im human, so forgive me if i make mistakes =)
it's time to be a better person!
Labels: boyfriend, busy, forgiveness, friends, God, hate, parents, sin, TEE, zonta
11:15 PM
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
♥ forgive & forget
back in the day i was a big fan of superchic[k]
and i still think they're great =)
the past 12 hours have been somewhat difficult for me. i think back to my past and whenever i had trouble people, i always use to think along the lines of forgive and forget.
i remember once, a friend said to me, that to forgive is one thing, but forgetting is another.
Back then, i didn't realize what she meant. Isn't it simple? Just to let go, and forget about it.
Just then i had some of superchick's lyrics run through my head.
We live, we love, we forgive and never give up
It's amazing how God can forgive our sins, and when he looks at us, he no longer see's them.
But i think its more difficult for humans. well maybe just for me.
I think i'm finally understanding why forgiving and forgetting are two different things.
I think we can forgive and even forget to the extent that it doesn't affect us or that it's no longer an issue... but i don't think we could completely forget, that it isn't in the back of our mind, no matter how hard we try to push it away.
i am human. i forgive you. and i'm trying to forget, but it is not easy.
We live, we love, we forgive and never give up
Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above
And today we remember to live and to love
and i still think they're great =)
the past 12 hours have been somewhat difficult for me. i think back to my past and whenever i had trouble people, i always use to think along the lines of forgive and forget.
i remember once, a friend said to me, that to forgive is one thing, but forgetting is another.
Back then, i didn't realize what she meant. Isn't it simple? Just to let go, and forget about it.
Just then i had some of superchick's lyrics run through my head.
We live, we love, we forgive and never give up
It's amazing how God can forgive our sins, and when he looks at us, he no longer see's them.
But i think its more difficult for humans. well maybe just for me.
I think i'm finally understanding why forgiving and forgetting are two different things.
I think we can forgive and even forget to the extent that it doesn't affect us or that it's no longer an issue... but i don't think we could completely forget, that it isn't in the back of our mind, no matter how hard we try to push it away.
i am human. i forgive you. and i'm trying to forget, but it is not easy.
We live, we love, we forgive and never give up
Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above
And today we remember to live and to love
Labels: forgiveness, friends, God, relationships, superchick, youtube
11:06 AM
Sunday, March 8, 2009
♥ self analysis
i need to be more forgiving. less easily annoyed. more understanding. less stubborn. more loving. less cold. more patient. less selfish.
i hate being sick. it really does suck. its a reminder that i need to take better care of myself - and not wear myself out with the busyness that sometimes gets control of my life.
church today was good. it taught me to let go... to let go some of the things in the past. things that should have been let go a long time ago - i was just too stubborn to do so.
there's not many bdays coming up (for the rest of march), so i'm going to start winding down. focusing more on uni and the work that seems to keep piling up. i'm going to stop going out, and start spending less... and start saving more.
im going to start walking moree (or do some form of exercise) and eat better... even try avoiding junk food.
haha. am i being delusional?
someone once said to me.. that i always say these kinda things, but never keep to my word.
maybe they're right. maybe i dont walk the talk as i use to - or at least, thought i did.
i think thats why i dont like making promises. im scared of breaking them.
mmm my head feels stuffy. maybe it's not a good time to blog.
i want to be a better person.
i'm going to try to be a better person.
but i am human. and i do make mistakes.
but that's not an excuse. i will try =)
i hate being sick. it really does suck. its a reminder that i need to take better care of myself - and not wear myself out with the busyness that sometimes gets control of my life.
church today was good. it taught me to let go... to let go some of the things in the past. things that should have been let go a long time ago - i was just too stubborn to do so.
there's not many bdays coming up (for the rest of march), so i'm going to start winding down. focusing more on uni and the work that seems to keep piling up. i'm going to stop going out, and start spending less... and start saving more.
im going to start walking moree (or do some form of exercise) and eat better... even try avoiding junk food.
haha. am i being delusional?
someone once said to me.. that i always say these kinda things, but never keep to my word.
maybe they're right. maybe i dont walk the talk as i use to - or at least, thought i did.
i think thats why i dont like making promises. im scared of breaking them.
mmm my head feels stuffy. maybe it's not a good time to blog.
i want to be a better person.
i'm going to try to be a better person.
but i am human. and i do make mistakes.
but that's not an excuse. i will try =)
9:32 PM
Friday, March 6, 2009
♥ life atm, trust and forgiveness
post #64: i will always remember that in yr 4 or something... i was in a mini game about your timestables... and i was in the finals. it was just me and this boy. it was one of the twin boys. and i had been doing pretty well. the game was the teacher would ask a multiplication question... e.g. 2 times 3. and first person to answer correctly one. and i will never forget that i lost to this asian twin boy because the fact that 8 times 8 did not immediately come to mind, like the other answers did. hehe. funny how i remember my losee..
so i'm feeling kinda unwell at the moment. it might me my diet. well today i wasn't eating very healthy. but i must admit, having cereal in teh morning (and eating quite a bit of it - until im full as) does not keep me full for much of the day. i even ate a nectarine at like 10am. yet at 12pm my stomach was rumbling, but i was in a psyc lab, so had to wait til 1pm to eat... but never ate til like 1.30/2ish. sigh, im always hungry. and so much $___$ goes to food... >__>
in fact my mouth is feeling rather oily O_O. might be that fried squid tenticles (argh but they tasted so good)... i feel so ugh now though. hence why the kettle is boiling so i can wash it down with some tea.
sleep wise... i got back pretty late last night. but it was for FiN. but i caught up. after i came back from uni... a two hour nap... ahhh <3>
my phone seems to be playing up, but funnily enough - it's only for me sending sms's to josh.
i also got a new smartrider - i think i'll use the one with my picture on it for emergencies (when i forget to bring my other one - i can use that one as concession ID)
but yeah man, public transport isn't cheap (i miss the 2hr 50cent rides!) i use what? maybe up to $2 a day (and thats getting dropped off in the city in the mornings)... so like $30 is gone in 2 weeks. its insane.
speaking of public transport - zmgsh. i took the train from warwick this morning. the first train that came was so packed, no one MORE could get on... i had to wait til the next train (it was only like 4minutes after, but yeah O_O)... and thankgoodness i take the bus to uni from wellington. because by the time we get to esplande. its so packed. that people can't get on the bus, and have to line up to get on the next one...
friend making in uni is going well. i've met lots of people (completely random - just introduced myself)... people like andrew, alex, josh, tamara, shaun, bec, janelle, ryan...
but people i've actually kept in contact with (seeing each other more than once during uni, sitting next to each other in class, facebook, msn) is probably rina... victa... an... matt...
other than that its mainly been people that i meet through other friends... jason, alvin, zarinne, mickey, chuan, daniel etc... plus josh's med friends.
the problem with already having friends in classes is that u sit next to them, and u dont' meet more people. but it's okay. there's always the bus - like i met ryan yesterday on the bus back to the city.
i like uni - socially. not so much work wise though. sigh.
mmm what else is on my mind. i had a long discussion on trust today. is it possible to trust someone that you've known for less than 6 months MORE than someone u've known for years and years? is it possible to completely trust someone while only knowing them for less than 6 months?
how about forgiveness...?
if your boyfriend / girlfriend / partner kissed someone else, would you be able to let it go? and move on?
if your boyfriend / girlfriend / partner slept with someone, would you be able to let it go? and move on?
like how hard would it be to let it go? to "get over it"... to forgive is one thing. but forgetting is much more difficult huh?
but yeah these were just random questions to see how commited we could be. i have nothing to worry abt ;)
well according to google.com
trust [truhst]
- have confidence or faith in
- allow without fear
- believe: be confident about something
- reliance: certainty based on past experience
- the trait of believing in the honesty and reliability of others
- faith: complete confidence in a person or plan etc
- confidence: a trustful relationship
i trust you.
P.S. man, tea is so good.
so i'm feeling kinda unwell at the moment. it might me my diet. well today i wasn't eating very healthy. but i must admit, having cereal in teh morning (and eating quite a bit of it - until im full as) does not keep me full for much of the day. i even ate a nectarine at like 10am. yet at 12pm my stomach was rumbling, but i was in a psyc lab, so had to wait til 1pm to eat... but never ate til like 1.30/2ish. sigh, im always hungry. and so much $___$ goes to food... >__>
in fact my mouth is feeling rather oily O_O. might be that fried squid tenticles (argh but they tasted so good)... i feel so ugh now though. hence why the kettle is boiling so i can wash it down with some tea.
sleep wise... i got back pretty late last night. but it was for FiN. but i caught up. after i came back from uni... a two hour nap... ahhh <3>
my phone seems to be playing up, but funnily enough - it's only for me sending sms's to josh.
i also got a new smartrider - i think i'll use the one with my picture on it for emergencies (when i forget to bring my other one - i can use that one as concession ID)
but yeah man, public transport isn't cheap (i miss the 2hr 50cent rides!) i use what? maybe up to $2 a day (and thats getting dropped off in the city in the mornings)... so like $30 is gone in 2 weeks. its insane.
speaking of public transport - zmgsh. i took the train from warwick this morning. the first train that came was so packed, no one MORE could get on... i had to wait til the next train (it was only like 4minutes after, but yeah O_O)... and thankgoodness i take the bus to uni from wellington. because by the time we get to esplande. its so packed. that people can't get on the bus, and have to line up to get on the next one...
friend making in uni is going well. i've met lots of people (completely random - just introduced myself)... people like andrew, alex, josh, tamara, shaun, bec, janelle, ryan...
but people i've actually kept in contact with (seeing each other more than once during uni, sitting next to each other in class, facebook, msn) is probably rina... victa... an... matt...
other than that its mainly been people that i meet through other friends... jason, alvin, zarinne, mickey, chuan, daniel etc... plus josh's med friends.
the problem with already having friends in classes is that u sit next to them, and u dont' meet more people. but it's okay. there's always the bus - like i met ryan yesterday on the bus back to the city.
i like uni - socially. not so much work wise though. sigh.
mmm what else is on my mind. i had a long discussion on trust today. is it possible to trust someone that you've known for less than 6 months MORE than someone u've known for years and years? is it possible to completely trust someone while only knowing them for less than 6 months?
how about forgiveness...?
if your boyfriend / girlfriend / partner kissed someone else, would you be able to let it go? and move on?
if your boyfriend / girlfriend / partner slept with someone, would you be able to let it go? and move on?
like how hard would it be to let it go? to "get over it"... to forgive is one thing. but forgetting is much more difficult huh?
but yeah these were just random questions to see how commited we could be. i have nothing to worry abt ;)
well according to google.com
trust [truhst]
- have confidence or faith in
- allow without fear
- believe: be confident about something
- reliance: certainty based on past experience
- the trait of believing in the honesty and reliability of others
- faith: complete confidence in a person or plan etc
- confidence: a trustful relationship
i trust you.
P.S. man, tea is so good.
Labels: FiN, food, forgiveness, friends, public transport, relationships, sick, sleep, trust, uni
9:26 PM
