Thursday, July 2, 2009
♥ i can't do anything about the past, but i can about the future!
woah, the beginning of this week went by so sloww but the rest of it is just flying by.
11 days without my boyfriend, and i've survived haha. i've had to stop myself from posting blogs where i'm like "ARGHHHHHH i miss hiim" because, that would just look... attachy and dependant. xD and don't worry, i AM independant =) even though i do miss him.
its just different i guess, usually i'm the busy one who has to cancel on outings or conversations because i've got things to do or other commitments. now i'm sorta getting a taste of how it feels to be on the other side. and it's a great lesson really. makes me appreciate him more for always understanding and sticking by me, despite the many times where i didn't have much time for him.
i got good news yesterday, i opened a zonta letter saying that i won districts for the young women in public affairs award =) last year i won at club level (had to fill our an application with questions on the world & about advancing the status of women worldwide, went for a 45 minute interview, and did a 5 minute speech on my role model) and then my application got forwarded to district level (there's 31 international districts) and yeah i didnt have to do a thing (but wait!)
it's fantastic =) i get US$1k and possibly get to go to melbourne to speak at district 23's conference! so yes, i'm very blessed. praise God. I'm heading back to my club in august to speak to them about what i've done for the past 12 months.
i was extremely happy when receiving this news (as u can imagine) but shortly after sharing it with my mum, it didn't take her long to throw me a line about winning all these things, but failing at what was important, which was my TER.
sigh, i'll be honest and it really cut me at first, to the point where i could have gotten really angry at it. but i let it go. it really makes me teary just thinking about it.
you know, the kinda feeling where you'll never live this down. and like my parents will never be able to let go of it. and it doesnt help me. it doesnt encourage me. in fact it does quite the opposite.
if only they understood how they affect me....... but the thing is, even if they didn't say it, i'd know they think it anyways. because thats how my parents are, and i think most asian parents.
today, on the way home from work, in the car dad asked me how i won the one thousand. and even though he didnt say it, at least i felt like he was proud of me. i kinda realized my dad's like that, he doesn't really say things heartfelt haha. in the car to the bus station (this morning) while i ate my poptarts in the car, my dad was like "where's your water". i told him it was in my bag. and then i started thinking, i dont know why, but it made me think about how my dad says things sometimes... i guess he's just not very good at expressing things haha.
this past week has been a kinda big week for me. i've learnt to let go of a few things. things that i wasn't sure i would ever be able to let go. but i've learnt that i need to let go, that i need to forgive and that i need to move on.
the past is the past. it's not something u can change. ahh, but the present, the future... thats a different story.
you know. i would try to forget some things, i would try to let it go. but it never worked because, when some things happened, it would just evoke emotion in me about past events. sometimes i would hold someone's past against them. but who i am to do that? you know, when we sin, and we ask and accept forgiveness from God, and we realize that Jesus took all our sins on the cross, God doesn't use our past against us. when He looks at us, He doesn't see our sins, because Jesus already paid the price for them.
So, to those people out there. Who, if you asked me a week ago, i would have told you that i hated absolutely. I forgive you. Even if your not sorry, and even if you don't care, or even if you don't know how much i hate(d) you for the things you did to me / people who are close to me. I'm not going to all of a suddent try to befriend you, because then my motives would not be right. But i'll stop avoiding you. And i'll stop giving you evils. and I'll stop bitching about you. And I'll try to smile at you when i see you. because when i look at you, i'm not going to hold you past against you.
But yes im human, so forgive me if i make mistakes =)
it's time to be a better person!
11 days without my boyfriend, and i've survived haha. i've had to stop myself from posting blogs where i'm like "ARGHHHHHH i miss hiim" because, that would just look... attachy and dependant. xD and don't worry, i AM independant =) even though i do miss him.
its just different i guess, usually i'm the busy one who has to cancel on outings or conversations because i've got things to do or other commitments. now i'm sorta getting a taste of how it feels to be on the other side. and it's a great lesson really. makes me appreciate him more for always understanding and sticking by me, despite the many times where i didn't have much time for him.
i got good news yesterday, i opened a zonta letter saying that i won districts for the young women in public affairs award =) last year i won at club level (had to fill our an application with questions on the world & about advancing the status of women worldwide, went for a 45 minute interview, and did a 5 minute speech on my role model) and then my application got forwarded to district level (there's 31 international districts) and yeah i didnt have to do a thing (but wait!)
it's fantastic =) i get US$1k and possibly get to go to melbourne to speak at district 23's conference! so yes, i'm very blessed. praise God. I'm heading back to my club in august to speak to them about what i've done for the past 12 months.
i was extremely happy when receiving this news (as u can imagine) but shortly after sharing it with my mum, it didn't take her long to throw me a line about winning all these things, but failing at what was important, which was my TER.
sigh, i'll be honest and it really cut me at first, to the point where i could have gotten really angry at it. but i let it go. it really makes me teary just thinking about it.
you know, the kinda feeling where you'll never live this down. and like my parents will never be able to let go of it. and it doesnt help me. it doesnt encourage me. in fact it does quite the opposite.
if only they understood how they affect me....... but the thing is, even if they didn't say it, i'd know they think it anyways. because thats how my parents are, and i think most asian parents.
today, on the way home from work, in the car dad asked me how i won the one thousand. and even though he didnt say it, at least i felt like he was proud of me. i kinda realized my dad's like that, he doesn't really say things heartfelt haha. in the car to the bus station (this morning) while i ate my poptarts in the car, my dad was like "where's your water". i told him it was in my bag. and then i started thinking, i dont know why, but it made me think about how my dad says things sometimes... i guess he's just not very good at expressing things haha.
this past week has been a kinda big week for me. i've learnt to let go of a few things. things that i wasn't sure i would ever be able to let go. but i've learnt that i need to let go, that i need to forgive and that i need to move on.
the past is the past. it's not something u can change. ahh, but the present, the future... thats a different story.
you know. i would try to forget some things, i would try to let it go. but it never worked because, when some things happened, it would just evoke emotion in me about past events. sometimes i would hold someone's past against them. but who i am to do that? you know, when we sin, and we ask and accept forgiveness from God, and we realize that Jesus took all our sins on the cross, God doesn't use our past against us. when He looks at us, He doesn't see our sins, because Jesus already paid the price for them.
So, to those people out there. Who, if you asked me a week ago, i would have told you that i hated absolutely. I forgive you. Even if your not sorry, and even if you don't care, or even if you don't know how much i hate(d) you for the things you did to me / people who are close to me. I'm not going to all of a suddent try to befriend you, because then my motives would not be right. But i'll stop avoiding you. And i'll stop giving you evils. and I'll stop bitching about you. And I'll try to smile at you when i see you. because when i look at you, i'm not going to hold you past against you.
But yes im human, so forgive me if i make mistakes =)
it's time to be a better person!
Labels: boyfriend, busy, forgiveness, friends, God, hate, parents, sin, TEE, zonta
11:15 PM
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
♥ then and now
today was the curriculum council awards night...
and i sat in this non airconditioned room... where it was hot and sticky...
and i watched my mate and my boyfriend get some well deserved awards on stage.
i was so happy for them! so proud of them. i was smiling so much.
i know they deserved it. they both worked so hard for it.
soo a guy today was giving a speech on 3 types of men. englishman. irishman. scottishman ( is that right? i forgot already.. haha! )
and i liked his story.
the englishman represented students brought up in a good environment.. posh school maybe. good teachers. they are pretty much pampered xP
the irishman came from the slums. he had to work his way up... to get a good education. he worked very hard.
the scottishman had a natural ability. he didn't really have to work, yet still did well.
so i started to think about me. the speaker said that we're not just one, but a mix. and i agree.
englishman: good home. good parents. good upbringing. good teachers. good support.
irishman: public school. asian background (esp from the public speaking aspect). female.
scottishman: maths. it would just click for me sometimes... where it took ages for others to pick it up. economics. i never really studied hard for the tests... but still scored really well. english. i never read the books, i never really tried like i should have... but i still did "okay".
so i look at myself as a child.
and i look at myself now.
i mean yeah. if i read the books in lit, i guess i could have done better...
if i went to a private school, maybe i wouldn't have gotten scaled down in physics and calculus.
maybe if i didn't do all those extra curriculum activities... i would have focused more on work.
but to be honest? i'm happy with how it turned out. reading those lit notes was just as good, i never was a fan of literature anyways. i loved being at my public school - the people i met, and the environment built me up to be a stronger person. i loved doing those extra curriculum activities - its made me who i am, socially and personality wise.
i've changed a lot. i may have regretted things i've done (or didn't do)...
but i've learnt a lot of things too... and i'm a better person for it. and i'm happy it turned out this way. i'm happy that God was carrying me the whole way through. That despite the days i felt like giving up... that i felt like it was too much... that i hung onto the hope that there would be a better day. And there always was.
P.S. WHYYY am i an inset for the big GROUPIE school shot.. G_G why did i have to be in sydney during photo day!
and i sat in this non airconditioned room... where it was hot and sticky...
and i watched my mate and my boyfriend get some well deserved awards on stage.
i was so happy for them! so proud of them. i was smiling so much.
i know they deserved it. they both worked so hard for it.
soo a guy today was giving a speech on 3 types of men. englishman. irishman. scottishman ( is that right? i forgot already.. haha! )
and i liked his story.
the englishman represented students brought up in a good environment.. posh school maybe. good teachers. they are pretty much pampered xP
the irishman came from the slums. he had to work his way up... to get a good education. he worked very hard.
the scottishman had a natural ability. he didn't really have to work, yet still did well.
so i started to think about me. the speaker said that we're not just one, but a mix. and i agree.
englishman: good home. good parents. good upbringing. good teachers. good support.
irishman: public school. asian background (esp from the public speaking aspect). female.
scottishman: maths. it would just click for me sometimes... where it took ages for others to pick it up. economics. i never really studied hard for the tests... but still scored really well. english. i never read the books, i never really tried like i should have... but i still did "okay".
so i look at myself as a child.
and i look at myself now.
i mean yeah. if i read the books in lit, i guess i could have done better...
if i went to a private school, maybe i wouldn't have gotten scaled down in physics and calculus.
maybe if i didn't do all those extra curriculum activities... i would have focused more on work.
but to be honest? i'm happy with how it turned out. reading those lit notes was just as good, i never was a fan of literature anyways. i loved being at my public school - the people i met, and the environment built me up to be a stronger person. i loved doing those extra curriculum activities - its made me who i am, socially and personality wise.
i've changed a lot. i may have regretted things i've done (or didn't do)...
but i've learnt a lot of things too... and i'm a better person for it. and i'm happy it turned out this way. i'm happy that God was carrying me the whole way through. That despite the days i felt like giving up... that i felt like it was too much... that i hung onto the hope that there would be a better day. And there always was.
P.S. WHYYY am i an inset for the big GROUPIE school shot.. G_G why did i have to be in sydney during photo day!Labels: awards, boyfriend, curriculum council, friends, high school, life, memories, regrets, TEE
11:07 PM
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
♥ ouch...
sigh.
it hurts.
but it doesnt matter right?
it hurts.
but it doesnt matter right?
Labels: high school, results, TEE
1:01 AM
Monday, December 22, 2008
♥ results soon...
ahh... TEE results are out soon...
it's only down to a matter of hours...
it's quite daunting....
i mean, to be honest... i dont really need much. i dont neeeeeed superduper high.
so in that sense, i dont really mind what i get.
and yes, its true. my parents... are being parents. and they want me to get superduperhigh T.T
but u know... i guess it all comes down to the futureee...
and i know that i didnt get into medicine already, so i'm going to have to go the long way
but i'll get there in the end right? it's perservance. persistance....
just never giving up...
i think thats what matters.
i think with the results coming out soon.. it's not about getting into the course that i'm worried about...
it's whether i can get a scholarship or not.
and the scholarship isnt necessary or anything. but it's handy. it'd be good to get it. but i dont absolutely need it. u know?
but yeah. im not expecting anything - to be honest. just hopeful.
but either way. i'll be happy. happy that i've finished highschool... and moving onto the next stage of life...
ahh the pieces of my life are surely falling into place... =)
it's only down to a matter of hours...
it's quite daunting....
i mean, to be honest... i dont really need much. i dont neeeeeed superduper high.
so in that sense, i dont really mind what i get.
and yes, its true. my parents... are being parents. and they want me to get superduperhigh T.T
but u know... i guess it all comes down to the futureee...
and i know that i didnt get into medicine already, so i'm going to have to go the long way
but i'll get there in the end right? it's perservance. persistance....
just never giving up...
i think thats what matters.
i think with the results coming out soon.. it's not about getting into the course that i'm worried about...
it's whether i can get a scholarship or not.
and the scholarship isnt necessary or anything. but it's handy. it'd be good to get it. but i dont absolutely need it. u know?
but yeah. im not expecting anything - to be honest. just hopeful.
but either way. i'll be happy. happy that i've finished highschool... and moving onto the next stage of life...
ahh the pieces of my life are surely falling into place... =)
Labels: high school, life, results, TEE
6:49 PM
