Sunday, April 12, 2009
♥ blog entry 101
it's post 101. and it's going to be a long one (be warned)
i have so much on my mind. i just need to let it all out.
i don't like to get emotionally involved in other people's problems. really, i tell people to ensure that they are there for their friends, but not the point where they are becoming drained and exhausted and stressed.
so u know. i'm trying not to let what my friends are going through, effect me. but i'm still concerned. still worried. and i sometimes feel like i come to the point where i can do nothing.
so a mate of mine, has been living a crazy life. 3/4 hours sleep max a night. his life revolved around sleep (3/4hrs).. uni (8am - 4 maybe?).. work (4pm - 3/4am!)
which is totally INSANE. and he see's the problem. but believes he's doing it for the 'right' reasons. he believes he just needs to put up with it for half a yr or so, before it gets 'easier'. in my mind im thinking 'what exactly is easier?'
his health is obviously detoriating. not to mention his relationship with his parents, sister, friends.
i wish he could see his life, through the eyes of his parents. or even through my eyes. i wish he could see how he's revolving his life around work so much, that if you took work out of his life, he'd be left with nothing. i wish he could see that if he continues like this, his body wont be able to handle it. i wish he could see that really, it's not going to get any easier, and there are other ways to handle work (rather than what he thinks he has to do - "the hard times").
it's hard to do things over the phone. i wish i could just fly there and knock some sense into him. literally... i want to make not only SEE.. but CHANGE. to turn things around... and get his life back. sigh!
another friend. he's been such a big part of my life for agesss. i've known him for over a decade. i guess i know his weaknesses... he's not good with peer pressure. i've kinda realized he doesn't really stick with what he says either. u know... when a friend says they're going to stop doing something because of this life changing experience they had... and they begun to realize all these things. u really begin to believe it u know? like to really believe they're going to follow through on their word. that really, they see their mistakes, and they want to change, and they're going to... then time passes, and u realize not much has really changed. they fall back into their old habits. they don't really keep their word. and well, i'm left sorta hurt actually, because i realize that things haven't changed, and i was silly to believe it would.
ugh. that sounds so pessimistic. but i feel like its a cycle. u do something thats not good. u get caught. u stop for a while. but u fall back into old habits. i guess u could call it human. really, i should be more understanding, and less judging. i should be a better friend. do i point out these things to him? how he says things but doesn't really follow through? but then wouldn't i sound naggy... maybe even mother-ish. maybe over-concerned. maybe i'm just over-exaggerating. really? am i? i dont think so. so what do i do? let him continue the way he is. and just hope he learns, again, hopefully permanently.....
then, i see another mate. he's happy and fine. but we have a talk about relationships. and i see his view on dating, and i get worried. i understand that in today's culture... dating is just for fun and stuff... i just feel that lots of people don't realize that relationships aren't painfree. and getting into a relationship for the wrong reasons, and believing ur strong enough to deal with any hurt that may come later - isn't just enough... because ur not the only one who will get hurt.
okay. away from the friends. and now to me.
im currently dealing with a massive wake up call.
i had an online quiz for anthropology that i was meant to do, but i missed the deadline. thats 4% gone, from my final grade. and it hurts. a lot.
thats what happens, when u make up excuses. first it was my midsem. had to focus on that... then i just lost track of what i needed to do. really, i had it on my to-do-list, i had it in my diary - im organised! but not really.
i need to be more organised. i need to manage my time more wisely. i need to have a better memory. and i need to be more focused, motivated and determined.
really. i can say these things. but its about time i started following my own words. just like i expect my friend to, i should also expect myself to.
its time to catch up on uni work, to write notes for certain subjects, and finish all those assignments and study for all those tests i have once study break ends. it's time to up the umat practice, and start working like a student who needs a gpa > 6.
i've been going out too much i think. maybe even close to overloading. i need to make time to study. even if that means less work. being in debt with my parents isn't a problem, because im sure they'd prefer i spent more time studying than working.
God i need you so badly right now.
it's time to wake up ditza!
(let me just catch up on sleep first.... zZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz)
i have so much on my mind. i just need to let it all out.
i don't like to get emotionally involved in other people's problems. really, i tell people to ensure that they are there for their friends, but not the point where they are becoming drained and exhausted and stressed.
so u know. i'm trying not to let what my friends are going through, effect me. but i'm still concerned. still worried. and i sometimes feel like i come to the point where i can do nothing.
so a mate of mine, has been living a crazy life. 3/4 hours sleep max a night. his life revolved around sleep (3/4hrs).. uni (8am - 4 maybe?).. work (4pm - 3/4am!)
which is totally INSANE. and he see's the problem. but believes he's doing it for the 'right' reasons. he believes he just needs to put up with it for half a yr or so, before it gets 'easier'. in my mind im thinking 'what exactly is easier?'
his health is obviously detoriating. not to mention his relationship with his parents, sister, friends.
i wish he could see his life, through the eyes of his parents. or even through my eyes. i wish he could see how he's revolving his life around work so much, that if you took work out of his life, he'd be left with nothing. i wish he could see that if he continues like this, his body wont be able to handle it. i wish he could see that really, it's not going to get any easier, and there are other ways to handle work (rather than what he thinks he has to do - "the hard times").
it's hard to do things over the phone. i wish i could just fly there and knock some sense into him. literally... i want to make not only SEE.. but CHANGE. to turn things around... and get his life back. sigh!
another friend. he's been such a big part of my life for agesss. i've known him for over a decade. i guess i know his weaknesses... he's not good with peer pressure. i've kinda realized he doesn't really stick with what he says either. u know... when a friend says they're going to stop doing something because of this life changing experience they had... and they begun to realize all these things. u really begin to believe it u know? like to really believe they're going to follow through on their word. that really, they see their mistakes, and they want to change, and they're going to... then time passes, and u realize not much has really changed. they fall back into their old habits. they don't really keep their word. and well, i'm left sorta hurt actually, because i realize that things haven't changed, and i was silly to believe it would.
ugh. that sounds so pessimistic. but i feel like its a cycle. u do something thats not good. u get caught. u stop for a while. but u fall back into old habits. i guess u could call it human. really, i should be more understanding, and less judging. i should be a better friend. do i point out these things to him? how he says things but doesn't really follow through? but then wouldn't i sound naggy... maybe even mother-ish. maybe over-concerned. maybe i'm just over-exaggerating. really? am i? i dont think so. so what do i do? let him continue the way he is. and just hope he learns, again, hopefully permanently.....
then, i see another mate. he's happy and fine. but we have a talk about relationships. and i see his view on dating, and i get worried. i understand that in today's culture... dating is just for fun and stuff... i just feel that lots of people don't realize that relationships aren't painfree. and getting into a relationship for the wrong reasons, and believing ur strong enough to deal with any hurt that may come later - isn't just enough... because ur not the only one who will get hurt.
okay. away from the friends. and now to me.
im currently dealing with a massive wake up call.
i had an online quiz for anthropology that i was meant to do, but i missed the deadline. thats 4% gone, from my final grade. and it hurts. a lot.
thats what happens, when u make up excuses. first it was my midsem. had to focus on that... then i just lost track of what i needed to do. really, i had it on my to-do-list, i had it in my diary - im organised! but not really.
i need to be more organised. i need to manage my time more wisely. i need to have a better memory. and i need to be more focused, motivated and determined.
really. i can say these things. but its about time i started following my own words. just like i expect my friend to, i should also expect myself to.
its time to catch up on uni work, to write notes for certain subjects, and finish all those assignments and study for all those tests i have once study break ends. it's time to up the umat practice, and start working like a student who needs a gpa > 6.
i've been going out too much i think. maybe even close to overloading. i need to make time to study. even if that means less work. being in debt with my parents isn't a problem, because im sure they'd prefer i spent more time studying than working.
God i need you so badly right now.
it's time to wake up ditza!
(let me just catch up on sleep first.... zZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz)
Labels: anthropology, busy, friends, life, motivation, relationships, sleep, uni, work, worn out
4:05 PM
