Wednesday, September 9, 2009
♥ who i am now
compare the me of a year ago, to the me of now.
and i see a striking contrast.
a year ago, i never imagined i would own a pair of skinny jeans.
a year ago, i never imagined i would be the international district winner of zonta ywpaa.
a year ago, i didn't think i would own more than 20 tshirts.
a year ago, i didn't think i would be dating the boy that i thought was arrogant and proud.
a year ago, i was strong minded, confident, emotionally stable and just... strong in general.
i had values. beliefs. morals. and i stuck by them wholeheartedly.
slowly i have changed. i still have those values, beliefs and morals. my wardrobe may have increased. my fashion may have changed. my love life may have changed.
but what i find the most worrying... is that i'm not as strong anymore.
a few years ago, i remember telling my mate, how all the guys i had dated were so emotionally dependent on me. and how i had such bad taste because i'd always pick them!
and now i look at myself.
and I'VE TURNED INTO THEM.
how insane. i don't like it.
how could i look so disgustedly at the things people did a year ago.. and find myself doing it now.
how can i attempt to point out the speck in the eye of another, without taking out the log in my own.
but more than that... i've become someone i never imagined i would become.
i've become someone i never wanted to be. and i look at myself today and feel disgusted.
i feel like a hypocrite.
i feel like i've lost who i was, and turned into who i am.
i need a break. i need to stop. to lose who i am. and find the me 'i want to be' again.
what happened to me?
i'm a wreak.
p.s. please don't give me the cheer up phone call or convos. i just need to be left alone. thanks.
Labels: bad days, boyfriend, clothes, exbf/exgf, life, me, pain
6:07 PM
