Friday, December 5, 2008
♥ it's just not the right time...
I remember when i was a kid. I wanted to grow up THEN and THERE.
I wanted to be an adult! I wanted to grow up! I wanted to find the love of my life. I wanted to get married and I wanted to have kids.
But now that i look back ... i kinda realize, despite WANTing it ... i was no where near prepared to get it....
like imagine if i suddenly had a time machine! and i could travel all the way to adulthood. SIF i would be prepared to be a mother! ahahaha. but either way i wanted it.
More recently... during year 12... i wanted to do so much... i wanted to join so many things... i wanted to organise so much!
and i did... but i also cut back a lot of what i would have liked to do... i guess i gave up on some thingss... some things i would have liked to be a part of ...
but i did it because i knew i couldn't handle so many commitments. i knew i didnt have the time. u know, with yr 12 and all...
I think throughout my lifetime.. it's something i've come to learn... with help from mum of course. she'd always tell me that i did too much... and u know, i never really realized...
but in some way, she was right. i did often overload myself... it was like i didn't know how to say 'no'... or maybe i'd convince myself that i could handle it all...
but often i would breakdown. too much. too much stuff to do. too much responsibility. too much stress.
but u know.. i've learnt a lot from that! and thats how i was able to start saying 'no'. i started to knock back my responsibilities... especially for year 12.
ive learnt to assess situations and question myself - to whether i can make that commitment.
and when i make a commitment, i dont want it to neglect it - because i have "too many" commitments.. i want to be able to give it my best.. to give it my all.
this is kinda the situation i am in again! i want something. and i would luv to hav it now.
but i know i can't... i know i shouldn't... because i know i wouldn't be able to give it my all...
also simliar to my first scenario... i may want it, but im not necessarily prepared for it...
im not ready for it... i dont know if i could handle it...
there's uncertainty... and i dont want to take a risk right now...
it's just not the right time i guess.
... but i still want it.
I wanted to be an adult! I wanted to grow up! I wanted to find the love of my life. I wanted to get married and I wanted to have kids.
But now that i look back ... i kinda realize, despite WANTing it ... i was no where near prepared to get it....
like imagine if i suddenly had a time machine! and i could travel all the way to adulthood. SIF i would be prepared to be a mother! ahahaha. but either way i wanted it.
More recently... during year 12... i wanted to do so much... i wanted to join so many things... i wanted to organise so much!
and i did... but i also cut back a lot of what i would have liked to do... i guess i gave up on some thingss... some things i would have liked to be a part of ...
but i did it because i knew i couldn't handle so many commitments. i knew i didnt have the time. u know, with yr 12 and all...
I think throughout my lifetime.. it's something i've come to learn... with help from mum of course. she'd always tell me that i did too much... and u know, i never really realized...
but in some way, she was right. i did often overload myself... it was like i didn't know how to say 'no'... or maybe i'd convince myself that i could handle it all...
but often i would breakdown. too much. too much stuff to do. too much responsibility. too much stress.
but u know.. i've learnt a lot from that! and thats how i was able to start saying 'no'. i started to knock back my responsibilities... especially for year 12.
ive learnt to assess situations and question myself - to whether i can make that commitment.
and when i make a commitment, i dont want it to neglect it - because i have "too many" commitments.. i want to be able to give it my best.. to give it my all.
this is kinda the situation i am in again! i want something. and i would luv to hav it now.
but i know i can't... i know i shouldn't... because i know i wouldn't be able to give it my all...
also simliar to my first scenario... i may want it, but im not necessarily prepared for it...
im not ready for it... i dont know if i could handle it...
there's uncertainty... and i dont want to take a risk right now...
it's just not the right time i guess.
... but i still want it.
Labels: life, relationships
8:47 PM
